Me And My Mum Think Im Bipolar ?

[confused/unsure]

im sorry if i have written anything i shouldnt here. The past few days/weeks or so i have been feeling very down and even suicidal to the point of riding up to train

track bridges to jump off. when i get these thoughts i cannot get rid of them no matter how hard i try. the thoughts i get are me talking to myself say that "we need to do this, we cant live on like this, cumon lets go". i have had several

attempts a few months apart and all have failed. the first few times i made an attempt gasing myself with airosols and another time i drove my car at a high speed into a tree, which obviuosly did not kill me and left me with only a back injury. after this attempt in march last year i went back to my normal self and didnt have a low for a considerable time after, i cant remeber how long after or how long it stayed for.

when i feel down i find it very hard to carry on with my normal life, i will not eat, i wont really wash and keep myself clean, i dont want to do anything i would normaly jump at and am just a general shadow of my normal self. when i am my 'normal' self i am incrediably social and talkative, when i speak with people i barely let them get a word in and speak rather fast and speak about

or come up with stuff other people say are 'random' 'weird' or they just say 'f#cked up you durk' or even ' i would love to spend just an hour in your head'. i do not react negative to these comments though i somewhat thrive of them. i am a rather popular guy with lots of friends and dont really have any social problems.

i am a very very, impulsive person and if i have something on my mind i want to do, or get i will do everything i can toget it or do it, this has caused me many problems for myself and my family but only really financial problems. when i get like this i get racing thoughts, i will pace up and down, cant do anything else ( even eat even if i am starving), so basicaly i will not

give up, if i fail i will be rather upset and angry.

i get very big ideas i want to do, sometimes i will actualy do them, but only for a few days because i will of forgot about it, or just moved onto my next 'big ideas'. this usualy causes me alot of stick and i have started to get laughed at every time

i come up with a new idea. these ideas are usualy job based, the last one i did was become a window salesman, when i was doing this i though i was the best, i kept on coming in late, not coming in and basicaly just doing what i wanted and just thought i was immune to any trouble and just untouchable. this did not cost me my job as i left myself as thats what i felt i needed to do that day,

and have done this with many jobs. the one time i got stick the most was a week were i was convinced i was going to go to china and go into the schools to teach english, i thought i could just go and do it, which obviuosly i couldnt.

i could list a tonne of exaples but im sure you get the point.

i have been to the doctors and even hostpital before but nothing has ever come of it, it may be nothing and i may

just be completely over reacting, but i definalty need help before one of my downs leads to my death.

i would like to add i am very immaginative person when i feel good and often right stories/ tell stories, i like making stuff out of anything really like and i always get ideas for inevntions and stuff but never ever carry anything through.

i know i should go to the doctors and have an appointment booked tommorow, i just hope something comes of it this time before i get back to my normal stubborn self. oh im a 20 year old guy btw.

[mindpox]

Too late to give you any advice as regards seeing your doctor - but if you're still around on the forum I'd be interested to hear what they had to say?