How Do You Feel When Someone Does Commit Suicide?

[Love&Me]

Someone here has died and that is very sad we can only pray for her peace now. People here are still writing that they wish they were dead because they are still in pain. Does it make any difference that someone has died? Do you feel jealous? I don't know how I feel. I feel sad for this persons friends and family but I feel that sometimes for some of us the pain is too much.

[sundries]

I guess I feel more about what I have lost and that the support and laughs and joy she brought me are gone. If her death didn't take away a major support in my own life would I feel jealous? I don't know. I know when I was deeply depressed and read about suicide or deaths in the paper I felt jealous and envious that they had 'succeeded' so I can understand your post and it is an issue she and I had spoken about.

Sitting here today I guess I am just focused on the happy things she has lost. Two blue tits have been playing outside my window for the last hour and the sun has been shining. She might not feel pain again but she won't feel pleasure either. She was only 31. Has her death now saved her from 50 years of suffering or has she missed out on a bright future? She was loved, she was stunningly attractive, she was highly educated and a professional. She had had boyfriends and was still young enough to have her own children. Many of the social factors that might make it harder for some of us to recover even if the illness was solved didn't apply to her. If she had found a therapy that worked she was in a good position to have a great life. On the other hand she had been struggling with illness on and off for almost a decade. Since 2007 she had had over 15 suicide attempts. She was deeply traumatised by the callous treatment she received in hospital on numerous occasions. She had tried so many different treatments including ECT. I believe the lack of acknowledgement for her treatment by health professionals was a significant factor in her difficulty in recovering.

Do I want to face a life of potential struggle and pain, especially now that the main person I could talk to and who understood psych issues has gone? Yes because it might get better and there are things I enjoy. But I do not think I am depressed at the moment and my 'death drive' is not high so I can understand that other people do just wish it was over.

[Love&Me]

Two blue tits have been playing outside my window for the last hour and the sun has been shining.

That is a nice picture and demonstrates the beauty of life. I understand as a mood changes or is hijacked by something more destructive as does a desire to live or die.

I am so sorry for your loss Sundries.

[Dibley]

I have mixed feelings. I feel sad for their family, for their loved ones, but I kind of feel angry that they had to resort to that, that they got no help, or had no where to go for help. I know this is quite a difficult topic to discuss but I think that the person is very brave, and must have been hurting beyond words. I think it is comforting that they are now at peace, and they don't have to leave with terrible disease that is mental illness.

[greenthing]

Oh Sundries, I wish I could give you a hug. You are so brave. As Love&Me says, I too am so sorry for your loss.

I have suicidal thoughts most days, but have only actually attempted suicide once. Mostly the pressure to stay is more than the pressure to go - I am very, very lucky - I have a wonderful, tolerant, loving family, three wonderful children who have had a childhood far more idyllic than mine, spoilt only by daddy's bad days. Also, my therapist has become ill, but we have made a pact - I will not kill myself while we are working together and neither will my therapist. Am I jealous of those who succeed? No. But that's mainly because I don't understand jealousy. All emotion feels the same to me (an incomprehensible torrent of feeling to be avoided at all costs - ahhhh the bliss of numbness). Am I sad about the people around them. Sadness I think I do understand, and yes I am sad for those around them. And we are back to where this post started.

Oh Sundries, I wish I could give you a hug. You are so brave. As Love&Me says, I too am so sorry for your loss.

[Anabas]

My first thought?... Did it really have to come to that. Before you shoot me down, I've been suicidal and made serious attempts on taking my own life. It's almost like I don't value my own life at all but feel that such a great loss has happened when people take their own lifes. Knowing this, I also know that when I have felt suicidal and decided to take an overdose to end it, nothing and no one would stop me doing it and making that attempt.

My work colleague took her own life 15 months ago, I was devastated...why? because I had spoken to her all but a couple of days beforehand and knew she had some issues but she was adamant she didn't want to talk about it. She was 20 odd years older than me and a very strong character, I had no idea she was suicidal. I still feel to this day I could have helped her somehow, despite at that point (after the conversation and before she committed suicide) I was feeling suicidal and was sectioned.

There have been times I've heard of people taking their own lives and as some described, I felt jealous because they had achieved what I wanted.

It's a very complex subject and depends on where your mind set is at the time.

Knowing all this, I am glad I've failed on every attempt because things change. Yes, I still get intense feelings to end it but somewhere in the dark murky waters theres hope. I cannot guarantee I will never try try to end it again...

xx

[Benway]

It makes me feel sad, and a little bit jealous to be frank (i think because I don't have the guts to do it myself- thats a terrible thing to say i know) . But mostly sad.

I didn't know ICU Baby that well, only to reply to occ posts and vice versa, but the idea of one who was so intelligent and kind, who i 'interacted with', and has now gone does fill me with sadness.

[fedup!]

Love and hugs to everyone tonight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lonelyheartemma]

someone from here died?

usually i feel jealous but its never been someone i knew. I was sad about Gary Speed, he was an important part of my life even tho i didnt know him.

But someone here?

I feel shocked and sad and guilty

[Love&Me]

Sorry Lonelyheartemma.

[Lily-Bee]

It makes me sad,I struggle a lot myself but there is still so much that makes life worth it and Im sad she couldnt see that and now never will.

[natfredricks]

I know(I am not going to explain here why) that people who are dead now will be resurrected on this Earth one day to live without pain and suffering. They will live and we'll see our beloved ones.For now I think we have to carry on figthing and helping each other.

[Shadow girl]

I don't know the answer to this.

The news about ICU made me cry because she had shared her struggle on here and gave me/us some little insight into her pain. I wish I could've helped in real life.

Last year a friend from a support group I go to succeeded. I felt nothing at all for myself that time, sorry for his wife and pleased for him that he had made a choice and succeeded.

The year before a son's best friend died suddenly (anaphalactic shock). He was only 25. That shocked me out of my own sui plan that I was headed for at the time. Just before that my dad died of cancer. I felt absolutely nothing about that. A while before that a friend and colleague was killed suddenly in a car crash. That time I was totally jealous, and wracked with guilt about feeling jealous.

Bereavement is complicated, and even if the cause of death is similar, feelings c an vary completely. The important thing is we offer support to those who need it.

Thinking of you Sundries. xx

[Love&Me]

Bereavement is complicated, and even if the cause of death is similar, feelings c an vary completely. The important thing is we offer support to those who need it.

Yes this is how I feel.

[Fanta]

I kind of feel selfish and I feel that my problems are nothing now.xxx

[sundries]

I felt disbelief first then shock then really sad and then as it sank in a sense of great loss over the hole it would leave in my life and others. I think like you growlycat it kind of puts my problems in perspective it also makes me feel just great sorrow that there is so much misery in the world and that it is so impossible to solve all that pain. I wish it was possible to just 'kiss it better'.

[Love&Me]

Growly Cat and Sundries you've no need to feel guilt none of us knows each others pain. Sundries it would be wonderful to kiss it all better.

[natfredricks]

Lots of love and hugs to Sundries!!!And to other sufferers!!

[successful_workthru]

Sorry to hear that someone has died on these forums.

Condolences to their friends and family.

It is sad to see such an intelligent professional person kill themselves, possibly due to not receiving the right health care and being treated badly.

I feel jealous of people who have died. Although I battle with suicidal thoughts, I always fear what happens to my consciousness when I kill my body. Will this violent act of self-destruction give me unpleasant karmic events? Thoughts like that.

A much liked friend of mine had a suicide verdict death a few years ago. I had no idea this friend was so depressed to commit suicide. Where I am concerned, I just miss the friend and wished they hadn't died, no matter what the cause was.

TRIGGER

If you have been in abusive relationships, or are in one, please think carefully before reading the text below.

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A question I always ask myself if this. What if someone who is being abused in any way, mis-treated by either an abusive parent/friend/spouse/workmate or whoever commits suicide?

How does the abuser/perpetrator feel when they hear of the suicide?

Do they blame themselves and learn the hard way that bullying is very wrong and become a better person for it?

or;

Are they so deep in denial about the abuse that they don't have any reaction or worse still don't care?

[jenny1471]

In all honesty I feel jealous when I hear someone has had the courage to end their lives. I know that the people left are the ones who suffer.. but I just often think I wish it were me. Often in daily life I imagine that today is my last day.. like, if this right now, was my last post.. the last thing I ever do. Then if I died and my family or someone found out I visited this site and read it.. how would they feel. If a family member informed you all (highly unlikely) that I'd died, how would you feel. I find it in every day life.. I find myself not able to say to colleagues "see you Monday" before a weekend, because I wouldn't want them to feel bad if something happened to me over a weekend. It's strange. But yes, in all honesty I feel somewhat jealous.

Last year a colleague ended his life and I was really angry at him.. I was angry that he had managed it! I saw how people at work suffered.. even people who had never spoken to him! People would recall back to a time when they had some sort of connection to him like 'I remember when I opened the door to him..' etc. It was so sad.. he touched many people's lives.. more than probably he knew. People who had never spoken to him shed a tear. I felt angry for personal reasons too which I won't go in to.

Successful_worthru, I wish I had the answer to your questions.. I guess it would largely depend on the person and individual situation. I'd like to think that the bully would wake up to what they did and the consequences of that, but who knows.. they may well just stick their head in the sand and be in such denial that they don't think they played a role.

:grouphug[1]:

[SusieQ]

I feel a lot of things, but mostly sad. I'm also saddened to read how many people feel jealous, and wish for you that there is still some hope left in this life, even though it can be so painfully hard.

I wrote in a journal 22 months ago that if I still felt the way I did then in two years time then I would commit suicide. This was partly to kick-start me into sorting myself out. I dug it out and read it last week, it was exactly two months to the day of two years. I was really sad to read how unhappy I was then, and this is reminding me of it too. But then I'm also grateful that I no longer feel that way. I've by no means sorted myself out. I still have some terrible lows, but I'm getting there. I'm not sure what I'm going to do on 3rd of June this year but I know it won't be deliberately ending my life.

Suicide is also a bit like any death. It makes you refocus on what's important to you, but even more so if you've had thoughts about it yourself. I wish there was more I could do to help other people to get out of their desperation. This is why I've signed up to the second level of counselling training. So, although for upsetting reasons, I feel re-affirmed in doing that.

[Love&Me]

Sorry to hear that someone has died on these forums.

Condolences to their friends and family.

It is sad to see such an intelligent professional person kill themselves, possibly due to not receiving the right health care and being treated badly.

I feel jealous of people who have died. Although I battle with suicidal thoughts, I always fear what happens to my consciousness when I kill my body. Will this violent act of self-destruction give me unpleasant karmic events? Thoughts like that.

A much liked friend of mine had a suicide verdict death a few years ago. I had no idea this friend was so depressed to commit suicide. Where I am concerned, I just miss the friend and wished they hadn't died, no matter what the cause was.

TRIGGER

If you have been in abusive relationships, or are in one, please think carefully before reading the text below.

v

v

v

v

v

v

v

A question I always ask myself if this. What if someone who is being abused in any way, mis-treated by either an abusive parent/friend/spouse/workmate or whoever commits suicide?

How does the abuser/perpetrator feel when they hear of the suicide?

Do they blame themselves and learn the hard way that bullying is very wrong and become a better person for it?

or;

Are they so deep in denial about the abuse that they don't have any reaction or worse still don't care?

When I attempted suicide the people that had hurt me were very angry. I think they were angry because their actions held potentially terrible consequences and they didn't want that, they want to treat me like dirt without repercussion. None of the people involved became "better" people, they became in their eyes victims of my illness!

[sundries]

Love and hurt - I think that is usually likley to be the case. I don't think people who are abusive are ever likely to look at their contribution to something.

[Love&Me]

Sadly I agree too.

[bena.baby]

I am so shocked and sad to read that ICU Baby has died. I didn't know her well, but had seen her around.

How I feel when someone commits suicide really depends on my own emotional state at the time. When I am feeling healthy, I feel sad and wish that something had been done. Probably angry that they weren't able to get the help they needed. If I'm feeling depressed/suicidal myself, I probably just feel jealous (and then guilty for feeling jealous.)

With abusers, maybe it depends on the type of abuse and the reason for it. For me, physical and sexual abuse of children (or adults for that matter) are so totally messed up that I can't see how the person could feel guilt. My parents emotionally abused me, but I feel that on some level they almost couldn't help it. Maybe I'm just minimising it, I don't know, but I know they'd feel guilty if I killed myself. My mum has told me she feels guilty for how she treated me as a child.

I know some emotional abusers do it very deliberately and with forethought. I don't think my parents did though. It doesn't stop it from messing people up, but I think some abusers would feel guilt.