jaffasmummyxx Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Anyone Else been told they suffer with this or know more about it? 2 of my closest friends have said that they think I have this and should speak to my cbt therapist! How can I when it's her and my gp I have feelings for?? I'm soo confused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 ((((jaffasmummy)))) that does sound difficult :/ even if its not transferrance and the feelings are real its really hard to deal with. you dont have to tell them anything. if you feel it is a problem and you would like to talk about it then you should but you dont have to just because other people want you to. but you don't have to tell them who you have feelings for. you could even tell your GP you like your therapist and tell your therapist you like your GP. but developing feelings for doctors, therapists etc is very common. we all need to be cared for so much and it seems natural to love the people who provide it. Its very common, i'm sure your doctor and therapist would know about clients developing feelings for them, there is a good chance they have experienced this before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 i have been told repeatedly it is a risk i run because i really like one of my therapists. at one stage i think my doctor was really worried that my like might be more and might lead to transference. the therapeutic relationship has to be a close one or it does not work. it is important that neither the therapist nor the person receiving therapy cross a line between a close therapeutic relationship and one based on infatuation, love, lust or whatever. edited because I think that my advice was crap and that other people made better suggestions - sorry I don't trust myself and there's no reason why you should either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaffasmummyxx Posted April 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 I can't bear the thought of not seeing my therapist, she's amazing and is really helping me! Im more confused now! Sob sob if I tell her I could lose her sob sob x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 OK, I really like the way you expressed yourself in the last post - it is exactly the same way that I think about mine - he is amazing and he is helping me so much! I'm not convinced that what you are feeling is transference. Please don't be confused - if I've made it worse I so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 You may not lose her, although obviously I cannot guarantee that. It would be really great if you could speak to your therapist and work through the feeling, including the fear of losing her. Transference is a common 'side effect' of therapy. It can be really useful, however, in looking at how you form attachments and how you manage them then you can use the new knowledge in the real world. It is really hard to broach the subject but when you do it feels so liberating and it doesn't seem like such a big thing any more... Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 thank you toaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpdgirl Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Hey jaffasmummy, Just wanted you to know there's someone else on here who can relate to your problem I honestly don't know what to do at the moment either. I experienced feelings towards the GP in the past and now it's two other individuals (both MH professionals). Despite one of them actually being the person involved (support worker), I am going to try and broach the subject subtly and see what happens. I am actually at the point where I feel I can't see the other person (Psychiatrist) as things are pretty messed up. You know, with the CBT therapist you could just say it's someone in authority and leave it at that ? If you say it's the Dr, wouldn't they have a duty to tell that person/record it in their notes? I honestly have no idea! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 (((((((hugs)))))) which is what I should have done in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 I'm not sure but i dont think the therapist would have a duty to tell the doctor their client has feelings for them, wouldnt that be breaching confidentiality? I thought they would only be allowed to tell your doctor things with your permission or if they felt you or someone else was in danger? having feelings for someone doesnt mean they are in danger from you tho idk, the cpn and drama therapist wrote to my doctor after assesing me and most of what i said ended up in the letter :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaffasmummyxx Posted April 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thanks everyone! I think I will Mention it to her but will think of a way to say it without saying it's her! I suppose ive always looked for a mother figure and felt rejected by everyone and convinced it will happen again! I often think she genuinely cares and forget it's her job sob sob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Maybe she does genuinely care.. afterall, I'd imagine people (well most, you'd hope) wouldn't go in to that type of job if they didn't care. But I just wanted to say that transference is really common and actually I think everyone in life experiences transference. For example when you're angry about one thing but then maybe take it out through road rage.. or if you feel scared when your manager calls you in to a meeting.. maybe you transfer feelings of power on to them, etc. I'm not explaining it very well but what I'm trying to say is that transference isn't something, in my mind, that people suffer from.. it's normal and happens to everyone. I guess the problem comes when transference turns unhealthy and past experiences are relived. I am guessing (as is my experience) that you are looking for a nurturing figure in your life.. it may be on an unconscious level, but something inside you is craving this nurturing and care. And i'm guessing, if you're anything like me, the feelings won't just go away.. not until they can actually be looked at and worked through with someone. I wonder if you'd feel able to tell your CBT therapist about this.. maybe not saying that it's her you have the feelings for but that you need help with looking at attachment and transference issues. Sorry to say but I don't think (from experience and from what I've read) that CBT training includes much about transference/attachment.. for that I think it's more psychodynamic kind of therapy.. psychodynamic (according to my therapist) works with attachment and in a way actually needs for the attachment and transference to happen so that it can be talked about and worked through. It's not a problem that can be fixed quickly.. it takes time.. I hope that your CBT therapist or GP can help or at least refer you to someone else who can.. it's not easy.. it's really, really painful and confusing. Sorry if this reply is really negative.. am not in a great place myself and suffering very much with this too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 more (((((hugs))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadian mike Posted April 8, 2012 Report Share Posted April 8, 2012 I suggest that you consider writing down these issues and giving the finished product with your therapist, at the end of a session. It would seem to me to be a less intimidating method and will allow you to give much thought to the situation. Not only will you gain value in the execution of the process, but it will allow your therapist, solely or through a team, to decide what is the best way to help you through this. Any decent therapist, imho, will not just dump you, rather, she/he will see this as an opportunity to help you bring a challenge in your life to a healthy conclusion. I know you're scared & - following my suggestion - walking into your next session will take a lot of courage. But, therapists are trained for this and it probably isn't your therapist's first experience of this kind. Btw, this is an excellent topic for discussion, because it is an issue many clients are challenged by! Best of luck with this situation, jafasmummy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted April 8, 2012 Report Share Posted April 8, 2012 I agree with Jenny. Literally everyone lives with transference to varying degrees. It's not an illness, it's a fact of life, because of relationships being what they are, and we are all wounded in relationships at some point in one way or another. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 8, 2012 Report Share Posted April 8, 2012 Hello there To a greater or lesser extent, everyone - healthy or otherwise, experiences transference. Its all those loops and patterns we have learned over time, but for those of us with mental health struggles, those loops and patterns tend to hurt us and add to the difficulties. I think sometimes having this mentioned can feel like "Oh great, another problem I have to get rid of", and its up to the therapist to handle it well and show you its ok. A first step with transference is just to accept its there, and to know when its active. Those old loops are powerful, and so if you for example feel your therapist is being snarky or critical, even though someone might tell you "its transference", it still feels utterly real and compelling. In fact to be told its transference can sometimes feel like an invalidation of your experience, and (if you are quite mistrustful like me) that the label of transference is a kind of manipulation. It can make you feel angry. So the next step is to have the courage to ask "what did you mean by that?" or to say outright "I felt angry / hurt / upset when you said that" and being given the opportunity to explore it. A good therapist should let you know its OK to feel anger, as directly working with it and feeling truly convinced that your 'first flush' emotional response may be leading you astray can be very liberating. Thats when you get to that point Toaster mentioned - you may still feel it, but its not so massive and troublesome. So its ok to experience transference - it can be really helpful. It can be hard to see something as 'good' that currently feels so 'bad' though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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