Writing To The Psychiatrist?

[bpdgirl]

I feel unable to see her in person following my guilt about suicidal thoughts which I believe she became too emotionally involved in. She was all distant with me in our last session, which I think was realisation that the terms of affection weren't so appropriate. With my former Psychiatrist there was too much tough love in times of crisis, but I never became dependent on her and I wish that was the case here. I have this new Psychiatrist's number following reception closing early and her wanting me to be in contact with someone should I have suicidal thoughts. I don't understand why I wasn't just referred to Crisis at this point. Anyway..I was originally just going to text her when in the process of doing whatever attempt, and then I realised that was really selfish. This letter/e-mail will just be apologising for everything and I don't know about going into the transference thing. That could be really awkward, should I survive. I might not even get the e-mail right, I'm going on a hunch of something I've seen for someone else in MH. I just feel so shamefaced about the stress I've put her through especially at a time when she was supposed to be on annual leave. At the same time, I feel unable to see her. So confused!

Would you get automatically discharged if anyone found out about this?

Thanks x

[Christine001]

hi bpdgirl,

First I wish I could sleep.

so i am not sure exactly why you feel that things have gone inappropriate here.

transferance and feelings for ones psychiatrist,hurse therapist ie feeling dependant or inlove with them are very very common. trust me I have had these feelings before.

giving you her number and it will be a work number over the easter break seems a little oddbut she might actually be working these weekend. her showing you that she believes you are distressed and at risk aint bad either.

it seems this is weighting you down a lot and upsetting you, its ok to feel what you feel she has been kind to you and if your background is anything like mine this means an awful lot.

I had a psychiatrist once who I got on very well with, I made a serious suicide attempt and he was angry with me, funny thing is he changed areas and after that i never saw him again. ( wasnt very funny granted)

I am waffleing coz I am tired and strung out myself atm

[bpdgirl]

Hi Christine

Thanks And me too. Stomach cramps...grr! My own fault.

I fear I have BPD. Well, I was diagnosed by a duty Psych who saw me on the one occasion. Neither this new Psychiatrist or my former one have commented on it. I really do think I have it, especially following some other behaviour.

I feel sick with guilt about everything. I mean even contemplating texting her when in the act of something...

Hope you sleep well soon x