bena.baby Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 SO many times recently I've complained about something and people have said, well, why don't you do this or that or whatever? For example, my neighbours. They are rude and loud and disturb me constantly. They don't consider for a second that I live beneath them and don't need to hear them stamping about, singing to their wailing children, playing their shit music 24/7. "Well, why don't you go and talk to them?" Isn't it perfectly obvious? I have a mental health problem. I can't go and talk to them, you might as well ask me to rebuild my house somewhere else, that would be more plausible. Am I using my mental health as an excuse? I don't know, I just know that my mental anxiety prevents me from doing that, so when I say I can't do it, I mean I can't do it and being told over and over again that I SHOULD do it just makes me feel worse. My boyfriend constantly tells me to go out and see other people even though I just CAN'T. If I could do all these things, socialise normally, talk to people normally, keep my temper, get out of bed, go to the gym, there wouldn't be a problem, would there? Surely that is the point of mental health problems, it prevents you from doing things that you would be able to do otherwise. I am sick of being made to feel guilty for my inadequacies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mindpox Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I can totally relate to this - when I'm well these things aren't a problem, when I'm not well, everything's a problem. Sometimes it's all just too much to handle, isn't it? I envy people who never feel this way - who never find opening a letter, making a phone call or talking to someone to be entirely beyond them... but I suppose they're not having to deal with a head that's already crammed to bursting point with deafening static, so they've got something of a headstart on us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I think people say things like that because they don't understand. They can't imagine how it feels to not be able to do something, and therefore, to them, IT IS possible. I hate it too when someone suggests something and I just know it is way out of bounds for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I absolutely understand. Totally and completely. Well, as close as. Things aren't so 'easy' as people can make out, at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33110_1426781038 Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Can totally relate to this too, I have an issue getting to work most days and now they have decided that i need to start taking calls from the general public, when i said I cant they look at me with disgust like im just being awkward, tried explaining that sitting with a headset on waiting for a buzz and a person to talk to is terrifying to me - not knowing what type of person it will be let alone their actuall query. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Totally relate too. Like everyone else. With the neighbours, mine are the same one side of me, and instead of speaking to them I let it build up then go mental, then I am known as the mental girl in the street. Sorry you feel inadequate. I do too. But I am sure we are not, not in lot's of ways.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted April 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Thanks for your replies, I'm so glad you guys understand what I mean. I HATE using my mh probs to excuse myself. For example, if I lose my temper, I know that's not acceptable, but it is to be expected. I don't expect my boyfriend to stay with me indefinitely and put up with my behaviour just because I have mental health problems. I really resent him saying stuff like "just DON'T lose your temper" though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 I guess people like to think of solutions and people also like to give advice - if there is a problem and no obvious solution, or no easy solution, people are like I guess when it comes to mental and emotional health problems there are no 'solutions' but people don't 'get' that... Have I just fulfilled everything I just said?! I hate it when people 'advise' me. Sometimes I just want to talk xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 ((((hugs)))) - anyone who does not have experience of MH issues does find them very difficult to understand. also some people who have second-hand experience of MH issues may respond by denial - my dad was a medic who said (repeatedly) 'all mental illness is personal weakness' - I had to attempt suicide before I discovered that this is bollocks - people with MH issues are the strongest mentally - and after he died i discovered it was all because his father came back from the first world war with PTSD and had to be locked in his bedroom at night, to scream alone in the darkness every night - my dad spent his life in denial because of this... this place is so wonderful for helping us realise that we are not alone. also, when I can't leave the house, I know that you lovely people are going to be here - thank you joshua. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mindpox Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 I hear what Toaster's saying - often the dialogue runs like this. A: I have a problem I'd like to talk about. B: What is it? A: Well, my problem is X. B: Okay - the solution is Y. A; Well I've thought about it. I'm not sure Y IS the solution and I - B: I've told you the solution. End of conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted April 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 It's true, people just want an easy answer to everything. It's so annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 My mum has told me that the reason I suffer from depression is because I don't eat chicken. Hmm yes, so there you have it ladies and gentlemen.. chicken will solve all our mental health issues! She apparently knows this because she was "depressed once" (this is when she got rejected for a job she really wanted so spent ONE DAY crying.. this in her eyes is depression) and she knows EXACTLY what it feels like and exactly what people need to do to get better.. chicken included! Oh and my dad said it was because I didn't read the newspaper every day. So there you go, we're all fixed.. don't you all wish you had my insightful parents!? Mum always starts with "... well all you have to do is.... <insert idiotic sentence here>". Umm sorry I've kinda rambled on there but yes I don't know why people feel the need to do this. Well, maybe I do to an extent.. I mean, it must be hard seeing someone you care about in distress but not suggest things to improve. I guess I even do it on this forum when answering people's posts.. i encourage for people to stay safe, etc. but really in those moments 'staying safe' is the last thing on their mind? I sometimes just wish that someone would simply listen to me. Not throw suggestions at me or anything, but just give me the space to be and just listen. 9 times out of 10 i KNOW what would help anyway so it's not their suggestions that I need.. but just space to be. Oh and chicken Edit - wow I'm bitter aren't i!? Just was thinking.. I'm not dissing the importance of diet or anything.. but.. blargh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted April 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Maybe we need to tell people just to listen then? Wait, am I giving myself advice? Have I come full circle? Yikes. You don't sound bitter Jenny1471, eating chicken and reading the paper sure doesn't solve depression. Oh and those people who "know" what it's like to have depression make me want to scream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Reading the paper makes me depressed!/my comment on the subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Just for the laugh..............................(Me)I need to be listened to :blahblah1: (Silent Counselor) nodding, crossing legs, uncrossing legs, looking out of the window, more nodding,..........(Oh my god they really are falling asleep), mm. How do you feel now? That's all for today and its £50. Same time next week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33110_1426781038 Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 My newest saying is 'Im talking to you to gain your support not you opinion'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 That is a good comment smitkah but I think if I said it to my therapist she would just take it as evidence and proof that i can't do therapy Jenny and pickle you made me laugh even though I'm pretty down today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33110_1426781038 Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 What do you mean sundries? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 she thinks I just want validation not personal growth and psychotherapy is for personal growth and she isn't paid to just listen to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleT Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Ooo I HATE it when people do this. "Well why don't you just do it?" Because I frikking CAN'T! My dad doesn't it all the time, thankfully my mom understands and is able to explain to him in terms he will understand. My dad is older, a professor, and a doctor. So of course he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. It drives me up the wall sometimes, but what I have found helps people understand is to put it in perspective. For us (people with MH issues) just 'doing' <insert difficult thing> is about as easy as a paraplegic 'just' getting up and walking. We really can't force ourselves to do anything, just like people who are paralyzed from the wait down can't force themselves to walk. Or if they do force themselves to walk it ends in disaster and someone getting hurt. I think a lot of the problem people have with MH is that they really can't relate. They can't see any physical problem so it must not exist. Or they just really don't know how they can help. I think that it's our job to make sure others understand why we can't do things, and if they still don't get it, use the paraplegic/paralyzed dude example. It always works for me. Of course with my dad I use his fake knees. He has no sense of where his feet are because of fake knees. I tell him that I can't force myself to do certain things just like he can't force himself to feel his feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleT Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Sundries, I hate to ask this but has she actually said this? If she hasn't, is it possible that she doesn't actually feel this way? If she has said this, well then that really sucks and I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 those were her words yes. She did however tell me that there wasn't anything wrong with that and that its not that she wouldn't listen to me personally just as a therapist its not appropriate. 'it wouldn't be right' to just listen to me according to her. I can kinda of see her viewpoint. Woudl have prefered her to choose a less vulnerable week to tell me I sucked at therapy though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33110_1426781038 Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 I went to the psyc he gave me my diagnoses and medication and said he wont need to see me any more - went back to the docs who say they will try to refer me for some sort of councilling but there is a six mth waiting list... I come from a huge forces family and they are very 'pull your socks up''dust yourself off' 'you feeling better today? it drives me mad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleT Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Sundries, I kind of want to punch your therapist in the face. In my opinion you can't be 'bad' at therapy if you are going and actually talking about your problems. So maybe right now any help she may give you won't help you, right now you just need someone to listen and in my opinion that what a therapist is supposed to do. Listen to you, and then, when you are ready, start to help you learn to deal with everything that she has been listening too. Yes the main outcome of therapy is to learn the tools needed to survive out in the 'real world' without freaking out. But the first step is talking and listening. I'm not sure what you should tell her, but are you in therapy to eventually have this person help you learn the skills to survive out in the big scar world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleT Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Hey Smitkah, I've had docs like that. Too many to count, they really made me feel hopeless. I am so sorry about the waiting list, that seems totally unreasonable and crazy but I'm in the US and our healthcare is different. Or at least it's different in my city, well it sucks but that's not the point. I really hope you get in to see someone soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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