Sh Scars

[AmyP]

would you say your sh scars are bad?

am so used to mine that i dont really think about it anymore, but recently i showed someone and they were shocked at the amount. i manage to keep it all on one arm which means most of my arm is taken up by them.

whats made me think about it is that the most recent from the day of my admission are a lot larger and aren't, well controlled i guess. all the others look 'tidy' but these two are large and uneven and i guess they look like i had a meltdown compared to the others.

dont really have any idea what other peoples look like have never really seen someone with them so im just unsure what is bad and what is, well 'normal' for someone who sh's.

i guess is a difficult question to answer, but do you think yours are bad?

[imdebbiem]

Yeah my scars are quite obvious, I wear tights if I wear a skirt, cos my legs there are a lot of little scars on them and I prefer to keep my arms covered too, just cos I don't know how to explain them too people. xx

[bena.baby]

I have two from last year that I hate. They are massive and look really obvious and still a bit purple. I'm using dermatix gel on them and it's worked a bit, but I really want to get them frozen off, I HATE THEM.

The others are really small and pretty unnoticeable. People do notice and occasionally comment, but I sort of think, fuck em. How rude is it to ask someone how they got a scar ffs?!

[AmyP]

thanks for replying, i never show mine while im out either. not sure what sort of reactions i would get, imagine would get nasty comments and glares from most people.

am thinking of doing an experiment where me and bf go for a meal an will take jacket off and see what reactions i get. wouldnt be as scared as its in a 'civilized' environment and id have something to take my mind off it. would be interesting to see how people treat me.

[Villan]

mine are mostly on my upper legs - bits that NEVER get exposed !!!

i have quite a bit on my left arm, but that doesn't show too much except in summer as it doesn't tan, and a couple on my left that just look like bad scratches and a small burn...

i am lucky as i am a bit of a tom-boy so i can spin most of them off as "adventures in my roller skating past" lol and then distract people by showing them my scar on my hand which i got falling through a window (sober - i slipped on a mat) that one is impressive enough to take the focus and it is "legit" and has a great story when i embellish it...

[bena.baby]

Doing it in that sort of environment sounds like a really good starting point. Good luck with it.

Have you ever tried any of the scar reducing gels or make-up or something? I do find they work quite well, if I put make-up on you can barely see the scars, especially in the evening or somewhere dark.

[AmyP]

haha thats a good excuse villan

yeh ive tried make up esme hun but a lot of them are either very raised or indented and theyr extremely red. the make up ends up looking very obvious and rubbish

[CrippleAndStarfish]

I don't think mine are bad.

I have lots on arms, and lots of tops of legs, not so many on tummy and hips. Most of the ones on my hips are mingled in with stretchmarks so not obvious - not that anyone sees my hips anyway! - and the ones on my tum and tops of legs are covered too as i don't wear short skirts or shorts or tops that reveal that bit of my tum.

The ones on my arms are the ones that show most of all, as even if i wear long sleeves, i have a habit of pushing the sleeves up to my elbows absent-mindedly, but unless it's been sunny (my scars don't tan at all and even though i hardly tan elsewhere, the scars become pretty obvious) there are only a few that are noticable as proper scars, the rest look like some sort of weird markings on my skin.

I get paranoid about them, the burns being the worst, but have been assured by several people that they're not noticable as SH scars unless you're looking for them. Have had it thrown in my face that i've "completely disfigured" myself by my mum, dad, and nana, though.... but i'm more inclined to believe that is more their shock and disbelief at me SHing, rather than the actual scarring from it.

These days, i get para about it, and hate the thought of people looking/seeing and knowing... but i won't hide my arms away. The other ones are diff though, and they stay hidden.

Don't even know if that makes sense!!

xxxxxxx

[bena.baby]

It is really hard to cover the raised/indented ones, it's true. I heard the red cross does a free course in covering scars, not sure how good it is. The faff of putting make-up on every day sort of puts me off anyway.

[AmyP]

think your really brave to show them snoozy hun, really wish i could get to the point where i dont care. in some ways i think well why should i its none of their business, but im scared of what people might say to me. i think its the idea of kids an teenagers shouting in the street that scares me the most.

yeh it seems like such a faff doesnt it esme, to do it properly it would take ages an then id just be conscious of it rubbing off or people noticing anyway

[Dibley]

I used to self harm on my arms, but only have very faint little white lines there. My worst sh have been in recent years, which I now do on the top of my right leg, and yes, I would say they are pretty bad, thick and purple. It's weird though, because, I'm embarrassed for others to see, but quite like them for me to see, if that makes sense.

[JasmineRose]

Mine are barely visible, though I can see them.

[Anabas]

Mine bother me. The ones on my left arm still have the scars from where the stiches were. i think I made them worse as I cut over an old scar. The ones that bother me are on my right arm, mainly cus they weren't deep but they have remained raised and red.

I worry that my young nieces and nephews will notice and ask me questions (cus they are too young to understand its rude to ask) so I have got some camouflage style cream from MAC and will wear sleeves around them.

I also have some on my upper legs and stomach. They are badly scarred but they rarely see the light of day so it doesn't really matter.

xx

[AmyP]

thanks for the replies, sorry you all have to deal with them xx

would you ever go out in public with them on display anabas?

[lucy]

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[AmyP]

you ok lucy? sorry you feel you had to delete the post

[Anabas]

If I'm going out in general I might brave it but take a cardigan incase i start to feel anxious or paranoid. If I'm going out specifically to see family or friends I cover them up cus im ashamed.

I did a particularly bad cut on my lower leg a year or so ago & my partners brother asked me how i did it. I lied & said I did it whilst gardening. I told my partner I felt uncomfortable that he'd asked (cus i felt he knew it wasnt done accidently) she told me next time he asks 'how did u do that?' to tell him 'with a knife' not sure i would be able to do that & luckily he hasn't asked since.

Another experience I had was whilst at a friends party a guy asked me how I go the scar on the outer side of my arm, I told him I did it whilst gardening. He was very rude & told me that I didn't & that he knew I did it via self harm. That was a difficult situation. Some people are rude beyond belief but I guess this is the price we pay when struggling to cope with MH issues.

xx

[AmyP]

yeh i understand would never have them out with family, but am trying to get used to having them out around bf and not feeling ashamed or embarrassed.

my challenge for myself this summer is to try and get used to having them out, think will take your idea and bring a cardi incase i change my mind, like a safety blanket. i just dont want to have to live my life not wearing what i want and being boiling hot and sweaty because of what other people think.

xx

[bena.baby]

Having a cardigan is good. I am trying to start having them out at work (I work in a tiny classroom with no air and it is roasting with long sleeves) but I always have a cardi with me. It's definitely useful.

[Anabas]

It is difficult when its hot & u cant wear a sleeveless top.

Good luck with trying out by feeling comfortable around ur bf.

xx

[AmyP]

yeah will definitely try that. thanks anabas.

just cant bear the thought of never being able to wear sleeveless tops again xx

[jenny1471]

I'm the opposite (ha, I do like to be different )! I can't remember the last time I showed my arms, even before the self harm. I hate my arms.. in fact I hate my body so try to keep myself covered up at all times.

Anyway, I haven't self harmed for about 16 years now.. but despite that I still have scars on my arm from when I used to self harm. I remember reading somewhere or maybe someone told me, at the time that I shouldn't do it because the scars will never fade etc. Well, 16 years on I do regret it.. as if I didn't hate myself enough, I now find something more I need to worry about with regards showing my arms! Having said that the scars are very light (white in colour) so probably not even noticeable to most people. Last year my partner did spot them though and asked what those 'funny lines' on my arm were.. argh, it caught me off guard and I couldn't think of a lie so told him the truth. Was pretty awkward.

No one else has ever asked, but then most other people will never have seen them as I don't give them the chance. I do give blood though and even though they have to take blood out of that arm, they've never said anything. I wonder if they're used to it and know not to ask? It's obvious what they are and that they're very old so I kinda figure it's none of their business really.

[kelpy]

i tried to count the scars on my left arm & theres well over a hundred but they intermingle.i mostly keep it covered,because people do ask what happened & i never know what to say.

my right arms not so bad there only small,but theres a large burn scar which i can come up with excuses for.

i am self conscious of them & hate any reference at all to them.

[toaster]

I do show my arms now but I am still aware that others may be looking

I really want to type 'yeah my scars are really bad' but only because I want to the have the 'best worst scars'

I will go to the doctors one day and asked to be referred for cosmetic surgery

I used to secretly like 'showing off' my arms, pretending I wanted to hide them but really wanting people to notice. When people did notice though, especially strangers, I would get really embarrassed and feel ashamed. But I also liked the attention. It's kind of like 'this is how much I have hurt; this is how crazy I am; I have the worst cuts/scars so I must be the craziest'

Hope you all ok xx

[Audacious]

Fortunately, I don't have many scars. I have one on the top of my left arm that I really notice...the other scars I have are covered by tattoos (heh..) and are on my leg, which nobody looks at my legs anyways.