My Gp Emailed Back

[lonelyheartemma]

this is a big relief. last time she emailed back the next day, this time it was 4 days so i was really worried i'd done something wrong and really scared she was going to say something to my mum at my appt next week.

But she emailed back and shes been very nice. She says she won't tell my mum we've been emailing. but I think she hasnt realised the real problems between me and my mum and if i do tell her about them that could cause big problems.

Really good idea to maybe tackle the confidence-building side, if we are working on that, then it's the perfect opportunity to say to mum that as part of building your confidence, I'd like to see you on your own.

this is obviously great, hopefully we can work towards getting me a bit of privacy as well as confidence, this is probably worth doing even if i never tell my doctor the whole truth. but then this bit :/

I know you feel bad going behind your mum's back, same for me but we are working towards being able to tell her how you feel etc so hopefully we'll be able to be more open soon. Mum knows you best of all and that means so much but having the opportunity to speak for yourself too may help a lot.

this really makes me feel like i can't tell my GP the truth. She obviously has no idea how it is and she feels uncomfortable about going behind my mums back even in a nice way. and does my mum really know me best of all?

also is it standard for doctors to refer to adult patients mothers as 'Mum'? shes probably not more than 6 or 7 years older than me.

[piuma]

Hi

Its good to see you are trying to establish your own privacy etc...

I know she is your mums friend but she cannot ever break your trust without going against her own oath, she would be breaking patient confidentiality. So I would like to think you could trust her. Keep going hun, you will get there. Maybe she doesn't fully understand yet, but you can tell her over time. xxxx

[Myla]

This sounds like progress. Glad to see perseverence paying off :)

[sundries]

To be honest I think she is being a bit inappropriate really emma. you are an adult and no it is not normal for a GP to speak to an adult about their mother the way she is speaking to you. I think you either need to be a bit clearer and assertive about your views of you mum or you need to see a different GP where there isn't this conflict of interest. It kind of sounds like the GP thinks your mum knows you better than you know yourself! I would find that really off putting if a GP said it to me. However, your GP is probably finding her way to.

I do think that suggesting to your mother that seeing your GP without her is to help build your confidence is a good suggestion as it is less likely she will take it personally. So I think that is good. Is also good that the GP recognises you want to be more open/assertive with your mum about your need for privacy and is willing to work with you towards that.

[lonelyheartemma]

thank you Pie. I hope she wont break confidentiality but if she does my mum wouldnt report her or let me report her. my mum would say i was the one in the wrong for emailing her and my GP was right to break confidentiality to tell her what i've been doing. I would hope she cares about her job enough not to take the risk but maybe confidentiality at the doctors doesnt count with carers. when I see the doctor on her own the first thing i will do is ask about confidentiality. if my mum has the right to know everything about me then i cant talk properly to the GP.

thank you Myla. your right, it is progress, even if i'm not able to do quite everything i wanted to do.

thats what I was thinking Sundries. I did wonder if she'd assumed i was under 16 and not checked my DOB but i dont look under 16 at all, most people think i'm older than 20 but i'm not sure its really apropriate to talk like that to anyone over about 10 and she must know i'm over 10! when i do see her i'll talk to her about confidentiality and talk to her a bit to help me work out how much i can trust her. I didnt want to say too much in the email for the same reason, i didnt want to say too much and i was kind of hoping she might have picked up on something for herself. But it really doesnt seem as though she has.

The social worker who is mentoring my (trainee) social worker seemed to think my mum knew me better than i knew myself and the specialists and other GPs i've seen seem to hold a similar view. All of them take my mums word over mine. It is very upsetting and just wrong but i can't really argue with my mum in front of them. There is no point, all that would happen is it would make a bad situ worse. idk why they all do that but it just makes me feel helpless and a total nothing person, my thoughts and opinions arent worth listening to.

the confidence building thing is my idea. It is really nice that someone clever like a doctor thinks one of my ideas is good. tho even if my mum agrees to it she will probably want me to do the talking with her in the room, its going to be difficult persuading her to go outside! I dont want to do it in front of her. she'll tell me everything i did wrong and any confidence or sense of acheivement will vanish