Found This

[Lauren]

Being open is a kind of invitation to others. What you share about yourself should encourage others to come in, so to speak and make contact with you. To involve themselves with you. Being open is difficult. It makes us feel vulnerable, psychologically naked and usually anxious. But it also is important in terms of really letting others get to understand how we think, how we feel and what we believe. We often hide our inner thoughts and feelings because we’re concerned how well accepted they’ll be by other people. But we also shut out other people from knowing and accepting us by not being open. We also are really saying we don’t fully accept ourselves if we won’t be open with others. We’re denying ourselves that chance to speak out, to declare our inner thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes when I resent someone I smile and pretend I’m happy. Well it might be more honest and open for me at that time when I’m right there with that person to share my resentment openly.

And that way the situation and my feelings can be changed.

Another example is being bored but expressing it. Telling someone that you’re bored is risky, but it takes courage to say, "I’m bored, why don’t we do such and such?", or "let’s change topics." For me, declaring your boredom or resentments also means I’m responsible for suggesting alternatives to change my mood. You have the power to change things by being open and sharing things.

Openness is making your outer world as similar to your inner world as possible. When you’re feeling jealous, happy, anxious or sad why not share with other people what you’re really feeling, that is jealous, happy, anxious or sad. We call this being congruent. That is letting what shows, your expression, frown, words represent what you actually feel and think. That takes hard work and a lot of honesty.

Being open also carries a responsibility with it and that is to be aware of others reactions to us and to respect their reactions.

Here are four or five ways for you to be more open.

First, you might make your outside behavior the same or congruent with you inside feelings and thoughts.

Second, focus on feelings. It’s usually easier to share opinions or thoughts about something. Everybody has an opinion. It’s harder to share feelings. Be in touch with how you feel. Share openly the feelings as much as you can. Some feelings cover or come from other feelings. Anger may come from hurt. We might find it easier to show the anger. However, if we work really hard and try to understand the hurt, if we share the hurt and are open about the hurt we are actually being more open at a deeper level.

Third, try to change your questions into statements. We sometimes have an attitude or feeling about something and we’re afraid to share it, we’re afraid to be open. Instead we ask a question. We might say for instance, "do you love me?", when instead we want to say I love you. Change your questions into statements you can make about yourself.

Fourth, try to make your communication in the first person. Begin with sentences with I instead of you. You might say, " I feel happy that you’re here," instead of asking, "Are you glad that you’re here?" Begin your sentences as often as possible with I.

Finally, try not to say, "I don’t know." This generally means I don’t want to think about it anymore. You’re probably getting to a level of being open that makes you anxious. Decide what it is and whether you can really trust it with the other person or persons.

Remember also, that the extent to which others are open with you will depend on how open you are with them. Many people find that most of the relationships that they're involved in become much more important to them the more they try to be more open in them. When we stay open to learning, new experiences open up for us. Perhaps the same can happen for you.

Think of the Buddhist phrase Namaste, the God within me solutes the God within you. it allows us to find the goodness in the other.

[Cactus]

feel really thick cant think of decent reply.

thanks for posting though.interesting reading

Love Sun xx

[bluebell]

thanks for this

[Katherine]

Being open is a kind of invitation to others. What you share about yourself should encourage others to come in, so to speak and make contact with you. To involve themselves with you. Being open is difficult. It makes us feel vulnerable, psychologically naked and usually anxious. But it also is important in terms of really letting others get to understand how we think, how we feel and what we believe. We often hide our inner thoughts and feelings because we’re concerned how well accepted they’ll be by other people. But we also shut out other people from knowing and accepting us by not being open.

this reminded me of one of my learning points in therapy, about learning contact and relationship, enabling myself to relate and others to relate with me, freely and safely and trustingly.

Thanks

Katie

[alphaOmega]

Extinct, I love this, thanks for posting it. Its being printed out and also emailed around to hubby and friends.

I always believed we reap what we sow in this regard, too. Just like closed off people don't trust, but they also don't seem trustworthy, either, for some reason.

Linda