Reasons My Flat Mate Is Not Helping My Recovery

[Ollieclews]

This has been bugging me for a while and I really need to get it out of my system as I feel like I'm going to explode and some shits going to go down! As I posted the other day I was saying about how I hate living here, I've thought long and hard about it and realised that its not the area where I'm living in its who I'm living with. And this rant may seem pretty harsh and If people think I'm nasty then fair enough I properly am. But once you've read it (If you read it all, I understand that sometimes people struggle to read really long threads) then I welcome your honest opinions!

Its in no particular order but Im going to bullet point it to make it easier. The reason for the title is because I spend so much of my time getting upset, annoyed and frustrated with this Im positive that it is and is going to hinder my recovery.

So here goes, Reasons My Flat Mate Is Not Helping My Recovery:

• Her personal hygiene is shocking (I know this is her own bussiness but when the vile smell from her room fills the house It becomes an problem.)
  
• She regulay doesnt flush the toilet after use
  
• She leaves dirty razors on the side of the bath
  
• She leaves her bike in the kitchen or the hallway in the way of people and treads dirt though
  
• She unicycles in the kitchen (We have a garden and a park is close by!)
  
• She sits on the worktops after I've cleaned them, I prepare food on there!
  
• she never tidies her stuff away after her in communal areas
  
• She leaves dishes festering in the kitchen and her room
  
• She contantly spews out bullshit
  
• She hovers around my room when I just want to be alone
  
• She hovers around when Im trying to have meetings with crisis team and social worker
  
• She leaves food to go mouldy in the fridge all the time
  
• She takes my food and then says "ohh i stole such a thing" and never replaces it
  
• She is generally cheeky and contently asking me for things. Eg. In the mornign she will text me and say put the kettle on and the other night she actually asked if I would go and tidy her room coz she was bringing someone over.
  
• She never cleans the flat on her own accord!
  
• I devised a cleaning rota with her input and so far she has just not done it, asked to move days made a start or never finished. Her cleaning day was today shes done very few items on the list (And done a shit job!) and most of them she has ticked off that she has done them and its blatenly obvious that she hasnt even attempted them!
  
• Shes started to "steal" my friends
  
• She is always setting off the smoke alarm multiple times during one meal and often late at night!
  
• She always forgets her keys
  
• She always spends all of her wages at the start of the month and then expects me to buy milk, loo roll etc for the rest of the month.
  
• She has the constant need to talk to me about any old shit all of the time to the point where I will try and avoid her
  
• She always take takes takes and never gives.
  
• I ask her to do a very simple task such as feed the rabbits when im away and she ballses it up
  
• I ask her to put the rabbits back in the hutch when in rains and she doesnt and leaves them freezing wet and cold
  
• Whatever I've done she has obviously done that same thing but much better!
  
• When I have friends or visitors around she trys to fit in and says really inappropriate things
  
• She never takes the rubbish/recycling out
  
• She always leaves the lights on (Were on a strict budget!)
  
• She never locks the flat door at night
  
• She never contributes to household costs like cleaning products etc
  
• She goes into my room while im out to use the housephone without asking me even though I have offered her a phone for her room
  
• She takes the docking station from the kitchen into her room all the time
  

So any thoughts ideas and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[AmyP]

wow she sounds like quite a pain. could you talk to her about these things and try an work out a middle ground. looking at it on the flip side hun theres probably things you do which annoy her that you could offer to stop if she stops doing abc xx

[Ollieclews]

Hey hun my gf suggested the same thing, Its just hard though how I approach some of the topics!

Also I dont think there is, I dont mean to sound big headed but sometimes when I have been in a bad way and in shitty mood I have done/said things which I thought would annoy her but they dont phase her at all. Shes just one of these people, Plus I have said to her before if i ever annoy you let me know. Or I dont know :/

I think talking about these things will just make it awkward :(

[AmyP]

Better to talk then let it get too much and you have to leave hun? xx

[Ollieclews]

Yeah, I do agree but actually doing its a total different ball game. Once I've spoken to her about these things I'll feel so bad I want to leave any way as I wont want to face her again. Plus weve spoke about quite few things on the list not the more personal ones but things like cleaning I feel like a broken record, and she says Ooo I'll change and I'll do it yet she never does and in fact goes out of her to avoid doing it and lies about it.

Sorry Im not being very helpful hun, Ido appriricate your advise Im just feeling really really shitty atm

xxx

[AmyP]

Don't need to apologize hun, can see it must really get to you, know it would me. Is it privately rented or do you have a landlord you could speak to about it? xx

[Ollieclews]

He's a private lanlord who I met at my church.

[AmyP]

could you talk to him? sorry if im bugging you, just trying to think of ways you could get help

[bena.baby]

You lost me at unicycling in the kitchen.

Anyone indulging in such student nonsense should be taken out and severely reprimanded.

Honestly, I'd move. Life is too short to put up with idiots like this in your face.

You have my sympathy, I had a wanker of a flatmate a couple of years ago and I am surprised both of us got out alive. She was more the "leave 100 post it notes around the flat rather than actually talk to me" sort of flatmate, really passive aggressive and ate week-old food, then complained that she had stomach problems. ER YEAH.

[kb10]

I don't know your situation but being a student myself, I have dealt with living with many frustrating people, some of whom I still live with.

One person in particular I live with is highly frustrating, always leaving his dirty plates around the house, leaving his shoes in the middle of the living room, taking up the whole sofa to have a nap, taking an hour in the shower every morning, never taking out the rubbish and so much more. But these are the things that make him who he is. From what I hear it doesn't sound like your housemate is doing these things to purposely annoy you and is probably (like my housemate) a bit ignorant to how frustrating she can be.

I think it's important to try to focus on the good things about her... I'm sure there are things that you like a bout her (and if not then ignore all of this lol), and these are the things to focus on. Also, I've found that some of the things that my housemate does to wind everyone up are in a way funny because of his innocence in everything... and maybe you can see some of the things she does in a different light if you know she is not doing them on purpose.

Obviously I can only speak from my own experiences and she sounds like she could be annoying but I chat shit all the time and if i could unicycle i would probably never stop lol. Maybe she doesn't realise the effect her actions are having on you and this is something that you need to discuss... not in a "you need to change" tone but just in an honest account of your feelings and I'm sure she will respect them.

This is just my opinion obviously but from what you have said I feel that you don't think that there is any malice in her actions and that is a really good sign. It sounds like you get on quite well outside of these things and neither of you would do anything to upset the other so yea I would suggest being honest but in a light hearted way.

[morethanme]

no ones perfect

there might be things about you she dont like

you both need to sit down and talk about your issues

if you dont tell her how will she know what you thinking ?? no ones a mind reader

choose a time together say you would like to talk about some house rules

set them together

explain you feel invaded when she goes in your room etc, to me this is more important than the dishes, invading your space isnt on and ask her politely when you have cpn round if she would mind going out for a while, its only polite after all, even my family used to go out when my cpn came round (because i asked them).

you need to set some boundaries and say to her maybe she could set some of her own too, make her feel involved not feel like your putting all the balme onto her.

good luck

[natfredricks]

Move out!

You have enough problems of your own. She is making your condition worse.

[Tink123]

Have you tried focusing on just on just one or two things for her to deal with. Pick the two most annoying/important things and ask her to change them. Once one is cracked move on to another thing that's important and so on.

Hope this helps :D