If This Site Has Taught Me Anything

[bpdgirl]

It's the joy in my Psychiatrist not diagnosing a personality disorder and just a mood one. Aside from those who do post encouraging feedback and advice on my topics, I can only see a personality disorder having a negative effect on a person. It saddens me that some of the more serious topics just get left behind in place of the minor things some of the frequented posters make. I say minor because really these things could be resolved by airing problems with those actually involved, and most importantly getting the support in the first place i.e. coping skills, mood management etc. Telling us about problems with x,y,z persons is very minor in comparison to problems you might have with your mood unrelated of others i.e. feeling suicidal or any change in mood. I fail to believe that the secondary services have failed everyone lol and that these services weren't offered. Some of you even see Psychiatrists which is amazing given their waiting lists.

I find this site to be very negative, with those constantly down about their illness, and constantly blaming it for making them the way they are. As a personality disorder, you have to take some responsibility. Don't you see how acting that way penultimately makes you all the bad connotations associated with it - i,e. attention seeking, needy etc? I don't know how much longer I'll be on here for as it's getting a bit too negative for my liking and haven't seen anything particularly uplifting. However, I'd just hope that people might learn to take responsibility, accept help and support rather than bitching about how things are, because otherwise there's very little not to make you attention seeking. x

[morethanme]

sometimes i think.that too

others always being negative and it gets very tedious

but isnt that the problem. ppl with m.h probs find it hard to c positively ?

not everyone is neg alot of ppl are really.trying

sorry.you cant see this

depression.and m.h illnesses are hard.to climb out of.

wen u getting fed up of neg things bpdgoirl maybe its a sign things are improving for you

and im so pleased.

ppl are trying and this is a place where maybe they feel safe to let out those negative feelings thoughts out. perhaps they have nowhere else to vent.

[starryeyesee]

Hi

This is a mental health support forum. It's not always going to be upbeat and uplifting.

Calling us attention seeking is insulting to all the people who come here for support. There is no such thing as minor problems. All problems here are as important as the others.

You haven't been here very long and I'm sorry you find the site so negative. I do not see the feedback that is posted here every day as negative. In fact I see a forum where people are prepared to help others;

starry

[JasmineRose]

Relationships can be very stressful and even traumatic for people with troubled pasts.

Mood is pretty much always related to self and others, relationship struggles have an impact.

That's my perspective. :)

[bpdgirl]

Hi morethanme

Yeah, I think I am thanks. And I just believe a lot of people on here don't really want the help and enjoy the attention. It therefore becomes pointless telling them to see their GPs etc as it's obvious they won't even bother. It's also a drab on everyone else's health to see that ongoing negativity and difficult for those with actual problems and who do have a good relationship with the services. x

[Lily-Bee]

Interesting post.

I think that nobody chooses to hang onto feeling misrable which tells me that some members may not be able (yet) to climb out of their issues. Personality disorders can be presistent and hard to overcome,some never do. That is not unwillingnes it is an inability and it often goes along with tremedous suffering,these people genuinly suffer and therefor post the way they do I think...

[AmyP]

if people didnt need to talk about bad things this would be facebook, not a mental health forum. you came here for the same reason all of us are here, to have people to get advice off and somewhere to talk about things you don't talk about with people in real life. the fact your called 'bpdgirl' might be something you should think about, when you made that name you wanted people to recognize that you suffer, which you have labelled as attention seeking. we all want what everyone in life wants, to be heard

[Lily-Bee]

Services in the UK from what I know have been lacking in the treatment of people with BPD there is a huge stigma and only very slowly is this changing.

[JasmineRose]

Maybe having attention is actually part of the help... as long as it's carefully considered.

It might not appear so at first, Black and White glance. But think of how it might actually help someone who's very socially isolated for example, it might help give them courage to reach out in the 'real world'. Maybe not immediately, but when they're ready. We cannot dictate or know what someone might truly need. We can simply listen and offer a kind and thoughtful 'ear'..

Oh, and for information, I have a diagnosis of depression, but unformally recognised sub-threshold personality disorder.

[walker]

ouch !!!!

in general people dont come here to party

if we were all upbeat and happy why the fk would we need support

a lifetime of not being heard or understood - makes for a BLOODY BIG HOLE that needs filling

and many of us are only too too aware that we feel weak, needy, attention seeking, demanding, boring, dull, negative, trapped etc etc

and it fking hurts like shit

but as someone who has 'risen out of it' on and off for decades

it just doesnt go away

[Fanta]

What I find amusing is that the poster is the one that constantly posts asking for support.

[Villan]

i'd rather read 100000 so called "attention seeking/depressing/downbeat" posts than hear of someone who felt they couldn't post and.... well... you fill the rest in...

[Christine001]

bpdgirl , dont know what you are wanting out of this but I suspect that it will hurt a lot of people unneccasarily.

there are other sites that look at recovery only but this site supports anyone.

feeling the site as negative is a personal experience that I dont share. maybe it is not fulfilling what you want so perhaps taking your own advice by taking responsibility for this feeling rather than blaming the people on the site is a good step forward. get my drift?

[Fanta]

Annoys me when people posts stuff like this, Why don't they leave us alone? Stresses me out, Find another forum, Maybe a party forum?

[morethanme]

Hi morethanme

Yeah, I think I am thanks. And I just believe a lot of people on here don't really want the help and enjoy the attention. It therefore becomes pointless telling them to see their GPs etc as it's obvious they won't even bother. It's also a drab on everyone else's health to see that ongoing negativity and difficult for those with actual problems and who do have a good relationship with the services. x

yes it may.seem.that but infact i go on 3 m.h forums and tbh they all the same. full of ppl with m.h probs. all with theyre battles.

and yes it may seem ppl are not trying. but answer this. do u really know each and everyone and what they r really like

do we know u ? no we dont know you. you domt know us. why r u judging others ?

some ppl as lily states will reach theyre point wen the times right.

we cant all get out of a place at the same rate due to brain structure support family friends etc.

we are all different

we reach certain points at certain times

i would like everyone to reach that point quicker but sods law hey.

i hope if anything u can take with u from thus site that everyones different

[Lily-Bee]

I think that indeed a post like this from the OP can hurt,a lot of us already feel bad about ourselves. I think we know we can be difficult in ways but this is not something anybody chooses. Sometimes its hard for others to understand how badly some of us suffer that is not something people can just snap out of.

Here we want the forum to be a place where people can share whatever they need to that maybe they cant in real life.

I can understand your post but youre generalizing a whole group of members here,kind of judging them without knowing those people very well.

Youre most welcome here but maybe this forum is just not the one that suits you?

[Christine001]

Annoys me when people posts stuff like this, Why don't they leave us alone? Stresses me out, Find another forum, Maybe a party forum?

lol.

[imdebbiem]

I have to disagree, this site is f***ing awesome.

I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago and since I have being on this site I have learned many techniques to help me deal with crisis times.

I have also found a place to vent, cry and write any thoughts I have, no matter how dark they are.

But most important of all I have corresponded with some absolutely amazing people.

Nothing at all wrong with this site, apart from it doesnt get enough praise!!. xx

[AmyP]

find it ironic that this is probably one of the most attention seeking posts currently active

[Fanta]

find it ironic that this is probably one of the most attention seeking posts currently active

lol so true

[Eagleheart]

I'd like to thank the original poster for the kick in the teeth. Just what a group of fragile souls need.Superiority attitudes don't get you anywhere in life.

[JasmineRose]

But what kind of attention is she seeking? What kind of attention is she getting....?

[in response to Growly and Pand].

[Corpsewithpulse]

I've liked the opening post.

Not because I wholeheartedly agree with the content nor because I think it's particularly sensitive. But because the OP has (in hindsight, courageously) made a post which albeit contentious, expresses points which contain a degree of validity. When one considers that there can be long patches where nothing positive seems to be posted then this place can seem to be quite negative which will do nobody any good if they're not in a great place to begin with. Furthermore, she did make a caveat which pointed out that she wasn't generalizing.

The attacks that she has been subsequently subjected to on what's supposed to be a support forum where views and opinions are apparently freely exchanged and respected are disappointing to say the absolute least.

[Lily-Bee]

Everyone;

I understand this a touchy subject but please refrain from attacking others,I dont want to have to start removing posts here.

Sometimes it can help to take a deep breath and consider your reply carefully,those with good clear fair arguments tend to get heard much better then those that start insulting people.

[sheeba88]

I can understand perhaps where you are coming from in the sense that it is hard trying to help people who might not be ready to seek help for their issues yet. And also not seeing people change or progress much. But that doesn't mean they don't want the help or advice. Quite a lot of people who come on here, do so to ask advice/opinions about their life situations and also to vent and get out their feelings. Just because you might mention go to your GP to someone and they don't yet take your advice - doesn't mean it wasn't worth saying or for them to hear. Some people take a long time to be able to change.

Have you ever heard of Diclemente's Cycle of change? I studied this when I worked with people who were trying to give up alcohol/drugs - but I basically think it applies to ANY change that anybody makes in life. Here's a diagram for you:

I think a lot of people are on the "Contemplation" stage - which means they're just thinking about what needs to change or asking advice on it. They aren't yet ready to make those changes, or see a GP, or seek therapy etc. But they're thinking about it - which is GOOD - because it means they're not far from the next stage to prepare/plan their actions/changes.