Christine001 Posted May 15, 2012 Report Share Posted May 15, 2012 hi guys and gals. I have started an alternative thread that is about the postives of what I have learnt, it just felt better than trying to justify myself here, which I definately dont need to do. If you feel you can contribute then have a look. probably a rule about not commenting on one thread on another so sorry lily if it does, its the mediator in me x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted May 15, 2012 Report Share Posted May 15, 2012 Your thread is fine Christine nice idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted May 15, 2012 Report Share Posted May 15, 2012 bpdgirl if this experience is not helping you then I think you should take a break from here. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said as it's how you feel. How you feel only applies to you though. I don't post alot here or spend alot of time here partly because of some the reasons you gave. But those are my choices and my feelings no one is at fault. If we could all feel better in 1 way that would be very easy. I feel sad for the people that I read in crisis often and I think maybe this is the place they come to to let of steam and get support. In their day to day lives maybe they have to hold their tongue and then log in here and it spills out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 15, 2012 Report Share Posted May 15, 2012 Jess1090- I like how you put across your point. You are spot on when you say that this is a place to just spill all that you can't say in "real" life. I am not a relentlessly miserable bugger in my day to day life. Most people in my social circle (and there's very few of them) cannot handle the raw,intense feelings i experience,so to save doing their heads in,i come here,to a place where i am understood and empathized with. It is a lifeline and a release valve. I am so thankful for this outlet.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Eagleheart that is what I sense from alot of people here they talk about jobs and families and friendships and here they talk about more serious problems that most people won't understand. It can be hard aswell as none of us want to drag people down but we need an outlet. bpdgirl some people need more of an outlet than others and times change most of us have anniversarys that are hard to deal with or the dreaded Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJJK Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I think everyone comes here for their own reason and agenda and that's what has to be respected. In an open forum, people post openly about how they feel, even if it's not popular, largely because as it's been said - sometimes it's things that can't be said in real life. Having been portrayed in a very negative way on this site by another member and having had other people then support that negative version has in turn been demoralising and had a detrimental on my health as someone with BPD. Do I engage in a war of words or keep my voice to myself for fear of jeapordising their recovery? Sometimes conclusions are jumped to very quickly in situations and in the past I've seen very major assumptions made that in a relationship the one to blame is always the one who doesn't have a mental health condition, because they're normal right? and should know better?...what about when both are ill and have mechanisms? - two wrongs don't make a right in anyone's book... Life is colourful and complex and assumptions cause issues. I'd be ineterested to hear the OP's view, but to be fair if I we them, I wouldn't bother trying to reason with irrational responses either. I think ultimately it's the debate of character over reputation and what you're more concerned with protecting in life. I agree whole heartedly with Lily that sometimes it's a case of recognising triggers and dealing with our own impulse control, taking a breath where necessary. I admire the original poster for their honesty, that's not to say I agree with what they post about but in an open forum, I guess they have a right to say it and have it debated in a considerate manner, rather than just shooting ourself in the foot and immediately assuming they're a dick who doesn't suffer like we do...that's half the problem, is that stigma is as easily created by our own assumptions than it is of the narrow minded/petty/intolerant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Even if the behaviour is negative and attention-seeking, that's what BPD is about half the time. That's how it can manifest itself. Thank God, I am not really like that any more, but I was for a long time, and I try to support when I can, even if the behaviour isn't healthy. I mean, if we were all like "oh I can get through this" and "I'm strong" and "woo, go me" and had healthy reactions...we wouldn't be ill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 interesting thread... if you have been upset or hurt by the contents of any of the posts, then ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you... personally this place has been a life-saver. I am in the middle of treatment. I am doing something about my problems. I come here and I find a supportive community. You folks have helped me to stay alive during one of the most difficult periods of my life. Sometimes I have to post crappy stuff. I try very very hard not to be nasty to other people. If someone doesn't like one of my posts, I delete it because I know that I am ill and I can't always make sensible judgements. Do I find it negative? No. Do I anticipate that there will be some silly tit-for-tat arguments on this forum. Oh boy yes! Most of us have BPD. If you don't understand what that means about our behaviour, I suggest reading some descriptions of it. That makes absolutely clear that arguments and negativity and self-publicity and suicidality and general silliness are inevitable. Most of the posts here are supportive. Some are a cry for help, one way or another. But, finally, we are free to choose to come or not to come. If you like it, I hope that you will stay and be a part of our supportive little community. If you don't like it, I really really hope that you find what you are looking for elsewhere. For me, I love it, I think that it is wonderful. I love the support we give each other. I plan to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abster Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Great post greenthing. And I plan to stay too!!! Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ollieclews Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 As I started to read this thread I must admit I had a little chuckle. I agree with what lots of people are saying and what the OP has said is quite hurtful. Ive got to be honest though Growly.. What I find amusing is that the poster is the one that constantly posts asking for support. I was thinking the EXACT same thing! I love these forums and have found them to be a huge help! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I do get what the OP is saying: honestly, there are posters I find frustrating, or people who I think are attention-seeking. Maybe I just can't understand their particular problems. That's fine. This site has been a good lesson in keeping my mouth shut occasionally and stepping away from situations. Maybe in the beginning, I'd have said "oh, you need to get a grip" or "you need to see a doctor". But like other have said, maybe they're not in the right place or the right stage of recovery. How is my bitchy reply going to help them? How is it going to help me? It's probably not, so I try just not to get involved, or I just post saying I hope they're feeling ok. You don't HAVE to get involved in every single post, if you think someone is being silly/negative, walk away. It's a good life lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadow8 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I respect people's opinion on what think and feel about things and I would just like to say my opinion and experiences on this forum in response to this thread: I came to this forum when I was at such a low point and was unable to communicate with anyone in RL. Being able to see other people feeling similar things and seeing how they explained it really helped me to think about how I felt and how I could put it into words. It helped me so much that I started making friends on here which I will never forget what they have done for me. The more I got to trust people on here and was able to say more it then helped me to take that into RL and to someone I was being to trust and communicate with them better and actually started to speak to them. My laptop broke and I have had alot of other things going on and have not been speaking so much in RL again and so came back on here to see if it would help. People do go back and forth in recovery and change comes in all forms and just because someone sees something as change someone else may disagree and visa versa. It is a place for support and people coming on here are showing they want it but they just might not know what way they need it yet. Also with it being said that its neg on here some people when they are feeling better move on from here as they may not feel they need the support anymore or have found it somewhere else but you may not know about that. Some people when they are doing better are the ones supporting the people who are struggling atm and thats what keeps it going. I dont think saying you need support or asking for your needs to be met is attention seeking IMO. Sorry about the long reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 nice reply shadow! :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJJK Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I respect people's opinion on what think and feel about things and I would just like to say my opinion and experiences on this forum in response to this thread: I came to this forum when I was at such a low point and was unable to communicate with anyone in RL. Being able to see other people feeling similar things and seeing how they explained it really helped me to think about how I felt and how I could put it into words. It helped me so much that I started making friends on here which I will never forget what they have done for me. The more I got to trust people on here and was able to say more it then helped me to take that into RL and to someone I was being to trust and communicate with them better and actually started to speak to them. My laptop broke and I have had alot of other things going on and have not been speaking so much in RL again and so came back on here to see if it would help. People do go back and forth in recovery and change comes in all forms and just because someone sees something as change someone else may disagree and visa versa. It is a place for support and people coming on here are showing they want it but they just might not know what way they need it yet. Also with it being said that its neg on here some people when they are feeling better move on from here as they may not feel they need the support anymore or have found it somewhere else but you may not know about that. Some people when they are doing better are the ones supporting the people who are struggling atm and thats what keeps it going. I dont think saying you need support or asking for your needs to be met is attention seeking IMO. Sorry about the long reply. I've run out of likes, but I think this is incredibly well put. Totally agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 i feel very vulnerable about posting on the forum in a crisis now for fear of judgement. thats my simple reality. trust is very fragile, reaching out is hard and unfortunately it doesnt take much for me to feel shaken and this thread has shaken me. simple reality for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 i feel very vulnerable about posting on the forum in a crisis now for fear of judgement. thats my simple reality. trust is very fragile, reaching out is hard and unfortunately it doesnt take much for me to feel shaken and this thread has shaken me. simple reality for me. I hope threads like this don't put you off posting when in a crisis Christine, most people on here would never judge you. (((christine))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 i feel very vulnerable about posting on the forum in a crisis now for fear of judgement. thats my simple reality. trust is very fragile, reaching out is hard and unfortunately it doesnt take much for me to feel shaken and this thread has shaken me. simple reality for me. It is how I feel too, We shouldn't feel like this, I mean if people are judging us why come here? why are they even on a mental health forum reading our posts? I know they are entitled to an opinion but we have issues with trust and self esteem issues and are often in crisis and struggle most days and can't talk to anyone in RL so we come here to ask for support not to be judged.xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Good topic and posts made by everyone x Me being here for seems like an age, what it must be 6yrs? i have seen so many stuff and who comes and goes. I don't find this place a negative place, due to we use it to voice ourselves when we are feeling bad, good or indiffrent. In the past there has been many attempts to try bring this place down, they never succeded due to lies and illness it never got anywhere. Just remeber, many is ill and find it hard to put themselves across properly, either safe or unsafe posts. No one post is more important than another if in good place or bad. It will allways be how the individual feels. I have felt many times ignored or whatever, but it hasnt stopped me from coming, as this place was and still is a place for support. Not sure if i just rambled on a total theme in what the topic was about. huggles to all, i beleive now, is you will make the place to whatever u want to make it. No one has control over u and u dont have control over them. We all just have some things in commen, nothing more nothing less. sry again i just rambled doh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I desperately hope no one is put off asking for help because of all this. I think that what is negative to a person can be really useful to someone else. If bpdgirl is getting no help here that is her situation and I hope she can find somewhere that does help her. A lot of people on this subject have said they don't feel like bpdgirl they actually feel the opposite which is great as it is different for us all. I don't think anyone is judging anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I desperately hope no one is put off asking for help because of all this. I think that what is negative to a person can be really useful to someone else. If bpdgirl is getting no help here that is her situation and I hope she can find somewhere that does help her. A lot of people on this subject have said they don't feel like bpdgirl they actually feel the opposite which is great as it is different for us all. I don't think anyone is judging anyone else. She does get help and support though that is what frustrates me, If you look at her history of her posts she often posts topics asking for help and support and is given it so I don't know why she has started this thread.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Some of you are sounding very judgemental of the OP and I dont think that encourages her to answer your questions. You might have scared her off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Hi I've wanted to reply to this but it's taken me a while to gather my thoughts. BPDGirl, I actually hope that you are ok. I am sorry that this forum has turned in to something negative for you and do hope that you'll find some support to help you through the good and the bad. I note that on the day you posted this, you were having an appointment with your psychiatrist.. and I hope that meeting went well. I can't help but wonder if something in that appointment was said that kind of gave you a lightbulb moment with regards taking responsibility for actions/feelings etc. And while I totally agree with you in that I also think it's easier to say than do at times. I mean, yes right now I feel that I should always act responsibibly, reach out for help in healthy ways, etc etc but then if I could simply tell myself to act responsibly etc then it would be so simple wouldn't it. We'd all flick that switch to make ourselves not need to behave in certain ways. We are who we are because of experiences in our past. No we cannot blame others or our diagnoses for the way we act.. but it contributes to it. Many are at different stages of understanding, treatment etc. What i guess I don't like about your post is that you seem to have generalised some things that you've seen on this forum to everyone here. I am not taking it personally, however because I know how i feel and what i need.. i am taking responsibilty for myself. But somehow your stigma of personality disorders seems to have worsened by coming here.. and I wonder whether that's because you've had a few bad experiences with individuals along the way (via PM or Skype etc). but that doesn't meann that everyone behaves or thinks the same. It doesn't mean that people with BPD don't want help or don't want to work with professionals to get better. I would love nothing more than to be 'better' I truly would. Although to be honest I don't think the answers lie in a CPN or psychiatrist for me.. i think it's more something i need to really work on over time, with my therapist, looking at the real core issues. I have seen in many of your posts your longing for a relationship and attachment with professionals (or your psychiatrist) and I wonder whether some resentment is coming out towards those who do have psychiatrists 'which is amazing given the long waiting lists'. I think that what goes on in people lives isn't totally mirrored on this forum. I don't post about every good thing in my life nor do I post about every negative point in my life. I post here as and when I need and if that's only when I'm in crisis or low, then so be it. It doesn't mean that I don't want help.. in fact I do want help and I've actively sought it in healthy ways in an attempt to beat this. I am somewhat concerned that you're trying to distance yourself from BPD as you see it as a very negative thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of BPD! But by distancing yourself I hope you're not cutting off your support networks if/when you ever need it in the future. There is no denying you have used this forum a lot for your own support and we've given it freely. Your username even is 'BPDgirl'. But now you seem so relieved that you're not officially "like us" and you're so glad you don't have a label that would put you in the same category as us. I'm sorry but I think you do have some thinking to do.. even if you're not diagnosed (I'm not diagnosed) i think it's important to be true to yourself. I look at my behaviours honestly and I'm so not proud of them, but I wouldn't want to attack others because of theirs. We are all here because of our own issues and f**ked up lives due to many different things. Yes we all do need to take responsibility and that's great to think and say when we're feeling strong within ourselves but sometimes it's not easy.. sometimes we need help.. and one day you may not be feeling so strong and need help too, so try not to withdraw or cut yourself off from those who can support and understand that need for support in those times. I also note that you are maybe feeling frustrated at people here who are posting for attention, feeling it's pointless trying to help them as they won't see their GP or work with professionals etc. I guess my only response to that can be that you need to look after yourself. I personally step back on this forum and reply to what I feel I can and want to reply to at any given time. I realise that could be seen as selfish but I personally won't spend hours in a chat room trying to convince someone to do something that I think they need to do because a) I don't have the time or energy and who am i to say? I can give my thoughts but whether someone decides to do that for themselves is up to them. What you do with this reply is up to you. But I'm not going to beat myself up or give all of my energy to someone else, because I need it for myself. I think what you say about responsibility is so true in this instance.. but it goes both ways. While others are responsible for themselves, you too are responsible for you. If you're going to get sucked in to others' dramas and lose your self in the process then maybe this isn't the best place for you. I'm coming from a good place in my heart for you BPDGirl because I care for you and actually think you may be hurting right now. Maybe even angry at us here for something.. whether that be because you see yourself in some posts on the forum and you really don't want to be like that. So instead you're distancing yourself and trying to go it alone. I truly do wish you the very best and hope that whether you stay or leave or whatever, that life treats you well. This forum will be here should you want to return though so don't close doors that could be supportive to you in times of need. Take care Jenny Edit - wanted to add a PS for Lily.. I actually don't think anyone here as scared the OP off from responding.. I think BPDGirl was planning on leaving and maybe felt the need to get some anger out before leaving.. sometimes it's easier for endings to take place if you can only hold on to the negative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I've read some posts and I did think that this original post by bpdgirl was made when she was angry. I can be right off the mark there but that is what I thought. I thought it was purposefully antagonistic with the phrases used which is often a sign of someone hurting. We all seek attention that is not just a personality disorder trait I think it is in all of us. Some people I think spend time here because they don't have the people in their homes or work that will understand them. Being mentally ill means we can change our views quickly or have anger problems and so I don't think bpdgirl was a hypocrite I think she was hurting and I hope she is safe now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berenger Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I feel like christine says earlier, like i may be judged and put off posting. I have posted today elsewhere because i felt i needed to but i'm wary now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I've read some posts and I did think that this original post by bpdgirl was made when she was angry. I can be right off the mark there but that is what I thought. I thought it was purposefully antagonistic with the phrases used which is often a sign of someone hurting. We all seek attention that is not just a personality disorder trait I think it is in all of us. Some people I think spend time here because they don't have the people in their homes or work that will understand them. Being mentally ill means we can change our views quickly or have anger problems and so I don't think bpdgirl was a hypocrite I think she was hurting and I hope she is safe now. fair point jess I can see this today and I also hope bpdgilr comes back and is ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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