Eagleheart Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I feel like i have no right to post here,because i am a fat person. Not enormous,but very big in my opinion. Anyway,i need to talk about this,so here i go. I have always had low self esteem,having been bullied all through my school years because i was a wee bit tubby. I thought all that would end when i got away from school. But no. A few years ago,my father-in-law shouted in my face "You are just a fat c**t". That horrible remark triggered an extreme response in me. I stopped eating. I would go for 10 days at a time,taking no solids,just gallons of tea and sucking the odd sweet to freshen my mouth.After days of nagging by my hubby,i would give in & eat a dry roll but my stomach nearly always couldn't handle having food in it & it would come out again. I lost 51/2 stone in 4 months. I was addicted to feeling empty. So,i have been doing this on & off since then. Infact,if i was on my own,i wouldn't eat. I do it to keep hubby happy. I hate food.These days,i do eat,but only "safe" food. Mostly bread. Biscuits are ok. I am weak when it comes to chocolate but only have it now & then. I rarely eat any protein. It is an "unsafe" option. Bread is good. I can sometimes manage 4 slices in a day. That's being very greedy in my opinion. If you saw a picture of me,you wouldn't believe i could possibly have an eating issue. I am not what people envisage when they think of ED's. But i do have real issues with food. I eat so few things. Over the last 6 years,i've pulled out 6 of my teeth that have come loose from starving myself. I know i need to change. But i can't. I won't risk getting addicted to eating and getting huge & hideous. I feel completely trapped in this unhealthy behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 If you don't eat seetheart, only survive on liquids, you can damage your stomach wall, so please, try to eat 3 times a day. I am 6 kilos overweight, though I eat less than any in my family. I can't eat much, because I am in a lot of pain after most of foods. Have you trie givingup coffee or tea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Thanks so much for replying. I kind of thought others would feel i have no right being here. I have an actual physical reaction when i try eating other food. It gets stuck and my throat muscles force it back up. It is truly horrible & very off-putting. I drink so much to stop my guts moaning. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Maybe i will just fade away. I kind of hope so. My physical wellbeing is really going downhill. Immune system's nearly nil. I'm getting one infection after another. I know it's because of lack of nutrients. I really don't care if i live or...... I resent having to eat,especially if it's because i'm being pressured to. No-one gives a shit if i die anyway. Hubby is just irritated at me. Everyone else? They couldn't give a shit. So neither do i. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I have a lot of infections, too. I didn't quite understand about food stuck in your throat. Is it ok when you eat bread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 It's a psychological block i have. Bread is my "safe" food. It is 1 thing i allow. Other foods are "forbidden" so when i try to eat them, i subconciously reject them. Occassionaly i even struggle with swallowing bread.Usually if i am over-stressed. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I would like to come to you and give you a hug! You wrote that you eat very little, but are overweight. It could be water retention, like in my case. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Thanx for being so sweet! I piled on tons of weight while i was on olanzapine. With the way i eat now,i am consistently losing weight. 5 stone since Jan11. I have problems with my hormones & menstrual cycle too. I have a depo contraceptive injection every 12 wks,but can bleed constantly for 6 wks of each 12 wks. I know i do get water retention too. It's all a complicated mess.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I've weight problems too I was bulimic when I was a teenager then I was a healthy weight for many years but the past 4 or 5 years I've piled on the weight triggered by pregnancy. I know I used to have safe foods and limited diet. It is hard to break the cycle but you can do it. Go to the supermarket and tell yourself you are buying 3 foods that are a different colour. I did this and it worked, carrots which I ate raw, banana and strawberry milk shake. It started out like that then I tried different things it was really hard but you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Dear Eagle I also have a lot of bleeding and losing my teeth. However, I know that Turkish men and men from Azerbaijan love fat women very much. So, when my husband calls me a 'fat cow', I always think that I would be considred a beauty in Azerbaijan. Promise me, that you would put a bit of butter on your bread, it would be nice for your poor tummy. Lots of love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I will try. Thanx for speaking to me. I am feeling very invisible just now. Obviously not physically! You look after yourself too sweets. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 I meant to ask if you have trouble with your mouth? Just recently,my tongue has got very painful and raw. It split in several places,the surface has got patches that seem totally smooth and i keep getting painful inflamed tastebuds. Also,the corners of my mouth keep splitting too. Do you get any of this? I have had a sore throat for a couple of months and the tongue problem has been going on for 6 weeks approx. Sorry about waffling. Paranoid eternal worrier syndrome!!! xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 I think it is perfectly ok to be orried about your health. All problems with our tongue usually indicate something is wrong with our digestive system. You probably need multivitamins. Or worse, my daughter had these problems with her mouth before she was diagnosed with diabetus. You must check your blood sugar. By the way, people lose a lot of weight, when sugar blood is high. It is very serious, make your GP check your blood sugar. My daughter is on insulin now and feels fine. I am very worried about you, go to see your doc, please!!! Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 By the way, diabetes may go undetected for years and years and people may experience mood disorders and other horrible problems. When they get treated they are fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 I ate macaroni cheese this eve. Hubby made it. Feel so painful & stretched,i HATE the feeling of food sitting like a rock in my stomach. i love being empty,that feeling of lightness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Your husband must take you to a doc-your tongue worries me! Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted May 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2012 Been in agony all day after eating that macaroni cheese. Stomach cramps taking my breath away.I knew at the time that i would pay for eating "unsafe" food,to please my hubby. Why can't i just be allowed to eat bread? I can cope with bread. I'm not at deaths door,am i? Sure,my immunity is very low,but i can still function. Millions live on a lot less than i consume daily. I need to be told it's okay to eat what i eat. I don't need criticised. That just makes me more determined to NOT eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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