christina Posted July 11, 2005 Report Share Posted July 11, 2005 Hi all, Not sure what i am trying to say here but here goes. I am a Christian (although not very pro-active or even a very good one at that) but over the last couple of weeks i have been feeling what i think is God's "presence" all around me. Not sure why, is it indeed God or is it something else. Does bad behaviour - well, something that makes you feel a bit guilty encourage presences. I am used to seeing and hearing things but don't quite know about this one. If it is God, then i don't know what he is trying to tell me other than perhaps not to go down the path i was going down. Don't know if this makes any sense at all. Does anyone else see, hear or feel a presence when you do things or have intentions to do things you know shouldn't (not illegal stuff). I also keep seeing a face that's starts a way off then comes right into my face and through my head. Am i just nuts. Christina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryan Posted July 11, 2005 Report Share Posted July 11, 2005 I don't think you're crazy. I am alos a Chrsitian, although I am certainly no model to follow. I do believe God makes his presence known when he wants to. Perhaps he is trying to tell you something. Sometimes we spend so much time trying to figure out what god is telling us that we don't simply stop to listen. let your hearbe quiet and hear what he has to say. Bryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted July 11, 2005 Report Share Posted July 11, 2005 well when I am going into crisis mode, and start spiralling, I usually sense God and sense other entities that are evil. I will usually spend a bit of time being caught in a 'battle' of good versus evil. Where somehow I feel myself tempted to completely and utterly sabotage all the good things in my life... All the while I am convinced that God and the Devil are fighting it out for my soul. God always wins. in the end. When I am better and out of the mania, I am astonished at the rubbish I have babbled and stuff I believed happened to me. I haven't quite worked out if I am plagued by real ghosts and things, or just plain bonkers. Um...so although I can't really offer you a decent explanation, I can tell you that I completely relate to you. And also that my psychiatrist said this sort of 'psuedo psychosis' is very, very common in BPD or emmotionally unstable personality disorder (as she likes to call it) so that is a relief... :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandaprincess Posted July 14, 2005 Report Share Posted July 14, 2005 Just before suffering a 'psychotic episode' I used to see this great big flaming sword- then it would shift and reveal some glowering 'angelic' presence... ...shortly after this, I'd experience something that I like to call my 'doom feeling'... this is when I'm vaguely aware that things are about to get messy: and this is usually accompanied by a great booming voice: "I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU!!!!" * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I've had these weird visuals for as long as I can remember, but after I extracated myself from religion, (at age 15) the 'angels' went away. I always thought of it as more of a presence than a hallucination... and the terrible sense of guilt I'd get from these frequently set off incidents of self harm, where I'd spend month after month, contemplating the firey depths of HELL... and of course, my 'sinful nature'. I dont see them now, but I think that perhaps darker forces are at work... Just before my last breakdown, I saw Rasputin in a bookshop. He was more physical than the old visions... he had a desperate feeling to him, and his icy stare made my blood run cold. I didn't pee my pants, but the sense of dread was strong. My conclusion is that whenever my brain is wandering on the boundary of reality (as its often want to do) it makes it more susceptible to the 'visual' elements of the condition. I try to use them to my advantage now- if I'm lucid enough to realise that I'm hallucinating, I have half a chance of stopping, or at least lessening, the decent into madness... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christina Posted July 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 PandaPrincess Quote:- My conclusion is that whenever my brain is wandering on the boundary of reality (as its often want to do) it makes it more susceptible to the 'visual' elements of the condition. Unquote. I think this one sentence pretty much sums it up for me. I quite like the term "psuedo-psychotic" because in a way it makes me feel slightly less nuts rather than having full blown psychotic episodes which totally takes away reality. I still sometimes think that the edges still get blurred even in a "pseudo-psychotic state". Thanks Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 I often think that the things I see, everyone sees, yet when I answer questions for my psych, I invariably end up on another medication, which is more disturbing to me than the things I saw in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 i used to be a born again christian ...then i went the other way and went into witchcraft and now im compleetly confused about religion because its messed with my head....i see things and hear things and feel presences etc etc all the time and i can relate to what someone said about God and Satern fighting over my soul etc i get scared that im having another psychotic episode and try and distract myself rather than try to understand it ........just because thats easier for me and also i had the same problem that when i tried to tell my P doc he just changed over my meds then i felt more of a nutter than i already do......... I do believe there is something up there .....not sure what...i get scared that ive been so bad i'll go to hell...then for a while i go back to my christian days ....but then i slowly fade back into my useual life pattern of sin etc ...... sorry if i havnt helped much but at least you know your not on your own in this luv Janie xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Totally relate to all this... funny really how we all seem to wander into the 'light' then back to the 'dark' and repeat it over and over. Basically it sounds like we are all very spiritually 'aware'. I have started reading the bible again, so it probably means I am heading for a manic episode, though I can't be sure. When I am back to normal I go back to being in to meditation and Buddhism. I am so contradictory I confuse myself. Psuedo psychosis doesn't mean that it is 'not real'. It means that we have moments of psychosis that are directly related to our emmotional well being, rather than just popping up whenever and wherever for no apparent reason (as is the case with Schizophrenics). The doctors can attribute it to something going on in the emmotional state of the patient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christina Posted July 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hi all, Thank you for your replies - it's nice to know that i'm not alone in experiencing this -. I find that if i start to believe in God, Angels etc then it means that i have to accept that there is a bad and dark side too which is too scarey for me to contempate. I also think i will go to hell when i die because everyone around me seems to be such nice people and i feel that i'm not a good person at all - i'm sure that all the non-christian people in the world are going to get to the gates of heaven long long before i do. I don't mind if they are called "psuedo psychotic" episodes - it doesn't worry me at all - sometimes i'm offered medication but thankfully always manage to resist it. Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 Christaina, I've never had the courage to say out loud what you have said and that is that I've always been convinced that I'm going to hell. I almost feel it's out of my hands at this point - that I've been and am so horrible to the core that nothing can save me now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christina Posted July 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hi Verbena I feel the same way. I feel that i am possibly the worst person on this planet. I keep remembering something a christian friend said to me that "You have never had any empathy or compassion for anyone" i thought i did but now i am not so sure. I joined a church and it went horribly wrong and all my christian friends abandonded me - so what hope is there for me even when the church abandonded me. But it is not just spirtually either. I can't explain it but i feel so horrid inside with horrid thoughts, words and deeds most of the time. Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 Everybody (and I mean absolutely EVERYBODY in the world) has horrible thoughts in their heads sometimes. Horrid deeds.. we imagine etc.... just not everyone admits it. Most will lie till they are blue in the face, and still lie again about what goes on in their heads. You however, are honest. But it tortures you, but it shouldn't because you are very nice, that I am sure about :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christina Posted July 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 Hi Claire, Thank you for your reassurance and kind words. But honestly, i don't think that even if i did good deeds all day every day for the rest of my life that i would still not be good enough. I have clearly heard a voice speak to me telling me i shouldn't be doing what ever it is im doing. I though i saw God's face coming towards me and go through my face and out the back of my head. Sometimes i feel a heavy pressure on my chest like someone is sitting on me. I can't tell the difference between spiritual and supernatural or just plain nuts. Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 I have had exactly the same sensation of something sitting on me, or pushing me down at the chest area. After my wedding blessing, I totally collapsed and went psycho for a couple of weeks. In this time I had a demon trying to talk me into leaving my body cos it wanted to jump right in. It held me down on the sofa, I actually could not move cos it felt like it had me by the chest. Actually sitting on my chest!!! Okay I am telling you this because I read somewhere that sleep paralysis can make you feel that you cannot move, or that you are being pushed down upon in the chest area. I was awake when this happened but I had been dozing on and off beforehand. I am wondering if this had something to do with it. If our brains are capable of preventing movement in the body, got knows what else we can experience. My GP said (and my psychiatrist agrees) that when the brain is under alot of pressure and anxiety it makes shit up. Simple as that. My GP had seen people who were usually very normal who on the event of the death of a close relative, or other extremely stressful situations, literally hallucinated their head off. We just need to understand that this can happen to normal people. You don't have to be 'mad' for this kind of thing to happen. Honest That said tho' I still believe in werewolves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 I am totally serious about the werewolves :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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