camillaedwards Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Hello, I hope you won't mind me posting in this forum; as I am lucky enough not to suffer from an eating disorder I do not know the best place to turn with my problem. I do hope that I don't cause offence, I understand that this is a support function primarily for sufferers. Let me keep this brief. I am living with my boyfriend, a wonderful man with a wonderful family who I think the world of. I am close to his parents, especially his mother, in the sense that I care very much about her and we get on very well indeed. We do not see each other as much as we'd like as we live some miles about, but we usually see each other once every 2 months at the very least. I spent Sunday with her yesterday. This is what has promted me to seek some advice as I've long suspected she has an issue with food. To paint a picture: she is 50 and about, i'd say a size 4. Extremely bony, I'd anticipate weighs around 6st, possibly less. She is about 5ft4in. I have been concious of the fact that she seems very unenthusiastic about food, never seems to enjoy food and tends to look as though she is eating a rock when she eats. By this I mean that it looks like hard work. At the weekend, my boyfriend went out to buy breakfast baps (there is never any food in their house) and brough her back one. She picked and said that she couldn't eat anymore, despite not having eaten all day (it was 1.30pm) and said she had a ''blister under her tongue''. She always uses a variation of this excuse. I suspect that the reason she doesn't stay with us is because she is worried about the eating situation. She is also a vegetarian and chose to be at about 18. I appreciate that this is very presumptuous of me, but i often wonder if this is so she could eliminate a food group without anyone making a fus.. She brought her sons up vegetarian too, although her husband is not. I brought this up with my boyfriend last year and asked him straight if he thought she had a problem. He says she's ''always been thin and doesn't enjoy food much'' but gott quite annoyed that I asked, and a bit prickly and said that I shouldn't make him worry. We share everything, but he always brushes this off so I just stopped mentioning it. But after this weekend I can't stop thinking about it. The final straw was when I noticed her nails: they are discoloured, brittle and clubbed in parts and just don't look right to me. What I want to know is this: what should I do? Should I mention it to my boyfriend again? Is it possible to have an eating disorder but keep yourself on the brink of being seriously underweight (i understand that there is no such thing as 'lesser' anorexia)? I just care about her and worry because something isn't right here. Many thanks for your patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 ok at the risk of being unpopular i have had ed since i was 8 years old. she may have anorexia but i will tell u i was 23 and diagnosed terminal. what i mean to tell u is when u have it many people will fight to the literal death to be confronted because they have to want to give up the coping mechanism. i was faced with losing my family my boyfriend it didn't phase me. it's an all incompassing obsession as close to insanity i feel u can get and fuction. i know u care but if u do i would not be the one to confront it i feel it will cause havoc interfamily-wise. the only thing i see if u persue this is u losing unless u can get her close family to care but seems there might be quite of alot of denial and acceptance there. i know u care and a good person to do so but the politics may be more than ur ready for and tbh a person in active eating disorder obsession can be quite vicious and at the same time absolutely convinced there is no problem. as i said i know u care but i'd personally be really careful. as i was less than 4 stone i was absolutely convinced my family and boyfriend were out to ruin my happiness...that much loonacy is a product of starvation it literally makes u not to be able to be logical after all ur body organs and brain are being eaten for fuel. so i'd take this really delicately if i was u. it's admirable to care and want to do something but if u want to continue with this man and his family i'd figure out a way to be extremely delicate if u pursue it please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camillaedwards Posted May 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Jades- thank you so much for taking the time to post such a considerate and informative suggestion. I think you are right. It seems that her husband and family accept this as much as possible and the result is that it seems her difficulties with food are brushed under the carpet. I guess I just worry because she does seem so frail. That said, she holds down an extremely responsible job as a public sector director and has her life very much under control as far as I see. Their family is extremely male- she doesn't have a daughter and lost her mother at 15 and I just know that I'd have confronted her if she were my mum. Maybe that's what I find difficult. I forgot to mention that she seems much thinner than she did last time I saw her which has compounded my worries even more but I appreciate it's not my business. I would just feel so guilty if she were to develop bone problems or other complications as a result of this recent weight loss. Thank you once again for your comments and I genuinely wish you well personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted May 31, 2012 Report Share Posted May 31, 2012 i really wish i could have said to u rush in and confront it because anyone with a heart like and u seem to have a great one would be concerned and driven to do something . it is extremely difficult to stand aside and let things continue heartbreaking really but i stand by what i've said. all the anorexics i've known myself included have been extreme achievers. it does all boil down to control in every aspect of life and achievement. best thing u may be able to do without causing issues is to get her to take a vitamin with calcium and potassium at least for bones and heart u could probably be quite sneaky about that without arousing suspicion. take care hun u have ur heart in the right place xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 sounds like she has some anorexic trates there... I can see why your worrying about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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