Eagleheart Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 I hate the way I've become in recent months. So squashed.So defeated.So I am saying ENOUGH ALREADY! The person i've been recently is NOT the true me.I am usually extremely feisty and stubborn.I WANT THAT PERSON BACK. I LIKE the real me.I have been so weak & pathetic.I've allowed OTHER PEOPLE to crush my character,I have let them walk all over me and disrespect me.And the longer i've let it happen,the more the strong me has withered. CHANGE HAPPENS NOW. I am going to be ruthless.Cut out the dead wood that has drained the life out of me.NO-ONE is going to get the chance to take the piss out of me again.I will not let ANYONE into my life,unless they can prove themselves worthy of my loyalty.I will no longer waste my energy on time-wasters.MY FAMILY WILL NOT UNDERMINE ME AGAIN and neither will anyone else. I am resigning from the position of general doormat and I am here to say I AM BACK!!! I will still be kind & compassionate & thoughtful but I will not suffer fools gladly. If anyone tries to knock me off my path,well,just let them bloody well try!!!!! I AM ALIVE.Let's get on with it... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anabas Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Powerful words Eagle. It's nice to see you are positive. Can you send some of that positivity my way please xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abster Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Well done you. The future starts here. It's great to hear your fight and spirit are back. Yeah!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 I am smiling so much, wonderful. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tan19 Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Lovely to see you so positive!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Thanks for the lovely remarks everyone. It has been horrible feeling so dead and crushed. Something just snapped in my head yesterday and it was like i found myself again. I know there will be ups and downs and knocks,but no-one will mistreat me again,not without me throwing a few punches in my defence.I am moving on,leaving weakness behind. Thanks again. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenthing Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 ((((((hugs)))))) - long may your positivity last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Greenthing! You not feeling great? Thanks for the encouragement. I got 2hrs sleep last night but I don't care. Hoping to get out & about to take photographs and get my artistic juices flowing.I am looking OUTWARDS now.No more introspection. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelk01 Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hello Eagleheart well done on being very proactive and being able to highlight the things you want to change. You should be proud, Your doing very well and keep up the momentum. . xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Thankyou Angel. I feel alive for the first time since i attempted sui last Aug and i will fight to hold on to that. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 (((Eagleheart))), Well done you and I will take inspiration from what you have posted here.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 I am so pleased for you, and it is still hard and I bet you must be tired from lack of sleep. I don't want to sound patronizing but I feel really proud how you've turned all this around. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Awh,Pickle AND Jess! You lovely lovely ladies! Thankyou for your remarks.It means a lot to know that there are people rooting for me. My life was going to places that were truly horrendous,so i figured it was either sink or swim.I've tried the sinking shit and it didn't work out,so i say Fuck it!!! Let's just doggy-paddle like crazy and cross fingers! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Keep it up, you make me smile I'm so happy for you. Hugs. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Eagleheart Good on you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Thanks Growly. I was really scared that i was going to feel "dead" for the rest of my liife. I don't know exactly what went "ping" in my head,i'm just bloody delighted that it did! No more being everyone's favourite doormat.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Just put change into action- I had a pang of anxiety and instead of allowing it to take control,i took 5 mins out to look out my window.There was a beautiful woodpecker just 4ft from my window and i got such a sense of peace from observing it and appreciating its amazing beauty. Calmness prevails! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess1090 Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 Way to go Eagleheart. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 I'm outta here for tonight. Stay safe everyone and look after yourselves AND each other. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2012 I got it together today and went to my gp and told him about my eating issues and the fact that i have had a string of various infections for the past 3 mnths.He is going to do a bunch of blood tests.I have been avoiding dealing with all that for weeks.It may not seem much,but it was very positive action.I see my psych tomorrow morning and hubby is coming with me to back me up because the psych tends to treat me like a very dim kid rather than an intelligent,capable adult.Pro-active again.And lastly,i am going to visit mother in hospital,having managed to avoid the whole situation for the past 2 wks. I am having to force myself to do these things,but at least i AM doing them.I am determined to make changes.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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