laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Hi this is my first post Well ill start from the beginning i guess lol it all started at aged 13 when i had ''puppy'' fat an i got teased by my brother etc for being chubby/fat an i decided to lose weight. I started starving an purging occassionally. It never got to the bad stage of being hospitalised but i got from a womans size 12 to a size 8 an my confidence was so low i wouldn't go anywhere without my mum in fear of people looking at me because i was ''fat''. The spell broke so to speak when i met my ex partner of 6 years who i was with from the age of 17 to 23 but i went to the opposite side of the scale and over ate an ended up at my biggest a size 22! I then went on to the Weight Watchers diet an lost roughly about 3 stone, but then fell pregnant an ended up back up to a size 20+, everything went wrong during labour i suddenly got eclampsia nearly dying and ended up with other complications, my son had severe reflux which wasnt found out for 6 weeks after he was born even though i told them there was something wrong anyways i ended up with severe post natal depression my relationship severely broke down an we split up i attempted suicide and the whole eating disorder kicked off, but not majorally. For over 2 years now ive battled with depression, anxiety an stress much worse than my teen years. My mum was sent to hospital a few weeks ago ~( i live with my mum an my son) an since then my eating disorder has really come back with a vengance of me starving and then binging an purging. Ive always had an anorexic mind dating back from 13 years of age, but i never thought i would lose control of it again. Ive lost half a stone in a week and im determined to lose more. My mum came out of hospital and i have since told her whats been going on an breaking down because i just dont know what to do! According to the BMI im still obese an i weigh 13stone 13lb (i have lost 4 stone over a year because i was 18 stone after my son was born SHAME!!!) im a size 14 but im determined to be a size 10. I feel completely thrown as i never thought id b battling as much as i am now with this. I dont know where to get help because the dr's will see according to the BMI im still obese so im not in any ''danger''. I hate the feeling of food on my stomach it's like i can feel the weight coming on to me and it terrfies the life out of me! I just can't/don't want to be fat anymore!!!!! Sorry for long post jus needed to rant lol xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 How old is your son now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Hi Welcome to the site, Sorry to hear everything you've been through, Hopefully you find the support you need here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Nat my son is 2 in August x b0b thank you i did attend a support group but i think i need something like therapy maybe CBT to help change my behavious but im scared to because i want to lose weight! X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 You had some horrible time in hospital when giving birth! Poor poor Laura! Hugs! Did you support group help you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Not really, but i enjoyed going an knowin i wasn't on my own but its been cancelled now :-( x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Is your biggest problem your self-esteem ,you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 I dont know i dont think so i mean i do have alot more confidence than i used to but i do want to be thinner than i am now alot more thinner. I guess its more of a control thing for me i hate not being in control of things and i am so scared of life, like i feel like a failure with everything i do!. I feel like i can never pass anything. I have to do my driving and i failed it once an ive never gone back to do it again because im scared of failing again. I just feel like im no good and anything i do isn't good enough. So actually in your question it might b little bit of self esteem but its more anxiety i think an i have had panic attacks x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Grrrr! i just want to stuff my face with loads of chocolate an crisps but i cant get rid of it once ive done it because my mums here so i daren't touch anything! Ive had a bowl of cereal an 3 pierces of toast with cheese an tuna an i feel miserable i even fail at starving! :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Sorry for posting so much but now im sat in tears cos my mums going to macdonalds an i really want to eat something cos i used to love macdonalds but i darent cos i know ill just want to get rid of it :crying_anim: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukulele25 Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Hi welcome to the site, LOVE your photo. You know Marilyn Monroe was roughly a modern size 14 (hard to tell though, because sizes were really different back then) some people even think she may have been a size 16! And obviously, we both know how beautiful she was (I'm sure this doesn't help at all but I do like talking about Marilyn) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Same here! My room is covered in her an have a Marilyn clock, she's on both my screen savers on my phone an desktop on the pc an then i have a Marilyn tattoo all down my right calf :-D xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 Sorry I was not posting, had a terrible headache,still have. In CBT the therapist will probably work on your low self-esteem. I didn't think about control- it is a new idea for me! I don't have control issues myself, like other people do things while I relax. Don't care about control to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 I like things done my way (not in a horrible snotty way like im a spoilt person lol) i hate change an i feel like i can't cope an ill be rubbish an that i can't do anything. So i just back away, don't do it or do it wrong cos i know im going to anyway. I don't know why i do it i guess its just the way i am lol. I hate the fact i give in an eat i want to b ''perfect'' an i can't even do that! All the men i meet turn out to b aholes an hurt me in the worst ways and i jus don't get what's wrong with me :-( im always told im pretty but its jus make up an that i have a lovely caring, bubbly friednldy personality with a wicked sense of humour. I'm jus fed up of bein hurt an fed up of battling but there's always someone else worse off than me so i don't really talk about it cos i feel like im moanin! X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 14, 2012 Report Share Posted June 14, 2012 welcome to the forum laura you wil find lots of supportive people on here. Me included. I suffer from bulimia and anorexia to so know what your battling with stay strong. Xoxoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2012 Thank you hun. I waited til my mum was out but then binged an purged. I seem to keep some stuff down an i HATE myself for giving in an then go mad to get it out but i cant if my mums in! I jus want to be thin an be successful at something!. Ive NEVER been happy with my figure since i was 13 an im fed up now i just want to b able to like what i see wear what i want as i have excess skin from droppin 4 stone so quick an ive always had like big arms but there worse now an they disgusting ive always hid my arms away an id love to b able to wear tops without having to wear cardies etc. I am doing zumba twice a week now so hopefully i can tone up an actually b happy with what i see on pictures etc. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 17, 2012 Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 Have you tried to join Slimming World, my daughter lost 20 kilos there in a year, and I know some other people who lost a lotof weight there. Also drinking berocca hels to lose weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 I was on the Weight Watchers one a few years ago but i can never do them! i end up bingeing! I dont know why i jus cant have a healthy relationship with food. I dont even know where its come from no one in my family suffers with any eating disorders x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Now many people suffer from ed, it is a fashionable thing. Sometimes a woman's body (which is more complicated and fragile organism than a man) suffers from lack of vitamins. That's why we eat a lot, and are hungry and go fatter and fatter, however we don't get enough of this particular vitamin. Not all menare bad, I am sure you will find a nice husband one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukulele25 Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 an then i have a Marilyn tattoo all down my right calf :-D xx Wow that's so cool! You will have to upload a photograph! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 I hope so Nat lol. heres apic for you Uk, this is when it was first done the tattooist took a photo of it for her album on facebook uc an see more detail in it now like Marilyns beauty spot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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