Shadow girl Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 I've been doing DBT for about a month. I waited 18 months to start and now I have I'm not sure I can do it. I found out last week I'd been doing my diary sheets completely wrong. It all feels very stop start as there was one week when I was away and my keyworker has been away quite a lot too. Then there's the rules! If you're late for the group you can't just go in when yu get there, you have to wait for a break. You can't have the phone consult if you SH in the previous 24 hours. There are so many bits of paper I can't keep track of what I have to do. I feel like a kid at school with all the rules and it's making me feel so uptight and angry. I don't want to blow this opportunity but I feel like I'm going to explode at them, I can't stand failing and I feel like I'm doomed to fail at DBT. I can't even mention this at my one to one because my keyworker is away again this week, and I lost my phone consult today because I did stuff last night. I don't even know why I did it and I didn't remember about the phone rule till long after it was too late. With 3 points of contact a week i should feel very supported, but all I feel is failure. I want to give up, and I don't want to give up because if all I have read is correct then this is my best chance of getting myself unstuck from BPD forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 18, 2012 Report Share Posted June 18, 2012 Please try not to fret too much.I suppose the bottom line is-do you really WANT to have DBT or do you feel cornered into saying yes to it when you know you're not in the right place for it just now? If you are feeling forced into doing it,you won't benefit from it because you'll be feeling resentful.I only say this because I had that exact experience in the past.Wasn't ready so i didn't put my heart into it.Hope you're feeling ok. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted June 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 Thanks eagle. I have asked myself the same question and I've concluded I really do want to do it. It's just hard, and requires a level of self discipline that is totally alien to me. Not applying myself consistently is just one of the lifelong habits I need to change through doing the DBT. If I give up I am sentencing myself to BPD for the rest of my life, and I really don't want that. I just need some reassurance and encouragement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 I am glad that you are certain you want to do it.That's you made the first step to recovery already.You're already doing it! I think it's fantastic that you've commited to it in a sense already.Well done.The first step is always the hardest.I think you should give yourself a pat on the back! Keep going pal.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 dont give up hun xxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 20, 2012 Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 It sounds really difficult. when you are lacking in confidence and scared of rejection the last thing you want to do is go somewhere where the rules are so complicated and where punishments are so harsh, punishments really hurt me. I think you really needs to talk to someone whos in charge, i know its not always easy with appts but maybe you could write it in a letter? if i was in a class with that many rules i would be too scared to take anything in but if you can have a chat to someone about it they might be able to reassure you and help you to keep the rules. I'm sure its something a lot of people with mh problems would find difficult and it should be ok to admit your struggling. if it was easy to find another dbt group maybe i'd recomend that but its not that easy and it is something you want so i really think you should give it a bit longer at least. there might be a moment where everythng suddenly clicks into place. The problem with any group thing is that you are all likely to be at different stages in your recovery and find different things difficult. Thats ok, recovery isnt the same process for every person. maybe to start with (at least until you find someone to discuss it with you could work on just a couple of things at a time and forget the rest? I dont know that much about dbt because all i've done is one online session but if you can learn a couple of techniques really well you will be able to use them to help you in your day to day life but if you are trying to do lots of things at once you might end up not feeling confident about any of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted June 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2012 Thanks Emma. It was the group today, and though I still found it really hard I did manage to say I'd found keeping up woth everything quite difficult. They assured me that I'm doing it really well and that if I try then it can't be wrong. I sort of get it. I will try and mention about the rules when I have my one to one next week. That advice is really helpful. Thanks. Hugs, x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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