crystalrose91 Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 I don't know what has happened. I was always so skinny and didn't really think much about food. I mean I loved it but if there were more exciting things to do like listen to music or put a face mask/paint my nails then I would eat later. My family used to say I ate like a bird. Now I am obese. I have no idea how this happened. I just love food and can't control myself anymore. Sometimes I feel like a fresh fruit salad and I will still get some sort of fatty takeaway. What the hell is wrong with me. I am finding it difficult to walk at times as my knees hurt. I feel like I am slowly killing myself and I don't even care. I read something that said food can be like an addiction. I do feel addicted to it. I have to eat fatty food every day and a lot of it at one time. Sometimes I eat so much that my stomach is so full that I cannot lie on it because of the pain. I have hardly any clothes to fit me and the clothes that do fit look terrible. When I look in the mirror I cannot believe I am that big. I can see the looks from other people when I am in public. I hate being like this. I feel so depressed and like there is no hope to life anymore. I made a video post with my webcam and when I watched it back I was so surprised at how sad and quiet I sounded. Well I have done something pretty crazy. I was reading about how to deal with addiction and the two most powerful things there were that you have to act yourself into sobriety - don't be exposed to what you don't want as willpower is not present all the time and you have to find out what feelings you are running from - anxiety, fear etc. So I have booked in to see a therapist once a week and I have also decided to start a 30 day juicing diet. I heard it is a quick way to lose weight but also detoxify your body and get lots of good vitamins, minerals etc into the body and my body definitely needs lots of that stuff. I'm going to use this place as a sort of home therapy too. Everytime I cut out take away I get really anxious so I think a lot of emotions and stuff is going to come. If you actually read all of this thanks so much for being interested. I hope I do this. I really want to be healthy and skinny again. -rosie (dollygirl) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 Well done!!!! Uve made the first step of getting help so u should be proud of urself for that!!. I have been in each section of an eating disorder, i was anorexic, bulimic in my teens then i overate, now im back battling with anorexic behaviours and binging an purging again. At my biggest i was 18 stone an a size 22/24 an i jus had my son an i felt awful plus i suffered with severe postnatal an i split with my partner of 6 years cos of it an then i just slipped back into my old habits and ive lost 4 stone over a year an im trying to lose more. It is an addiction, food is something that you can't get away from either because u need it to survive an it's everywhere an its one of the main things in celebrations an social events. If you really want to do it u will hun just keep thinkin positive an dont think of how much u have to lose just take little steps at a time an once u start an get over the first few hurdles ull run the last few no problems. Well done hun *hugs* xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleCrumble Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 Hey, Sorry to hear that you are struggling with food. I've had problems with overeating - still do - whenever I feel anxious and feelings become to much I just binge, I can't stop myself from stockpiling millions of chocolate bars, biscuits etc.... I'm coping with it a bit better now, but I started taking mirtazapine and it came back with full effect - put on 4.5kg in a month!! Are you on any medication that may be making it worse? Some antidepressants help deal with the intensitiy of the feelings so improve things a bit... so worth sticking on things if they reduce it.... Yeah the detox sounds good - although hard to stick at for longer term without going back into bad habbits... Have you thought about going vegan? Or cutting out dairy and eggs? I was vegan for moral reasons - I don't like hurting others, including animals - and only went back to being vegetarian because I lost my self control when I was very upset - and had a massive binge for months and was quite ill from the crazy amounts of shit I was eating - but I'm trying to get my self control back. It stops you from buying cakes and biscuits and chocolate, but because in your head 'It's for the animals, I don't want to hurt/enslave a cow' rather than 'I shouldn't eat this cos I'm fat and it'll make me fatter' then it seems to work better. Vegans have amazing self control over eating shit - mainly because in general you have to go to specialist stores to get nice vegan chocolate, and it's more expensive (see Organica Couverture chocolate bar - bliss! - tastes like galaxy). And drink soya milk instead... even if you just still eat meat and cut out the dairy eggs - and focus on how you are helping animals - doing it for someone else always helps my motivation... e.g. at present I'm taking part in a research study where I have to be on a cycle machine doing intense/moderate cycles of exercise for around 30 minutes, 3 x a week - which I am only able to keep going to do - even though I get extremely anxious around going to the gym, because I'm doing it for someone else, and I can't let them down... Sorry, I talk too much, but fingers crossed for you xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 (((crystalrose91))) A huge welcome by the way.xx The fantastic thing here Crystalrose is that you really want to do something about it. I love this bit you wrote in your post ''Well I have done something pretty crazy. I was reading about how to deal with addiction and the two most powerful things there were that you have to act yourself into sobriety - don't be exposed to what you don't want as willpower is not present all the time and you have to find out what feelings you are running from - anxiety, fear etc.'' ''act yourself into sobriety''....................Great! another line for this is ''Fake it to make it'' ''don't be exposed to what you don't want'' Great! another phrase for this is '' If you sit in the hairdressers long enough you'll end up having a haircut'' I heard this saying somewhere, that if you want to run a succesful business you have to know everything about the stock in trade!!, so within us we have to do a stocktake if we as human beings are going to function and run succesfully.....i.e ''have to find out what fears you are running from'' '............It is great that you have booked in to see a therapist and good luck with the juicing diet initially.xx Well done you.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 Oh well done. I hope to be taking that step soon. I'm going one step at a time, overdosing, then sh then eating in that order. Print off this thread and read it back to yourself when you waver and go for it! Hugs. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted June 23, 2012 Report Share Posted June 23, 2012 Oh well done. I hope to be taking that step soon. I'm going one step at a time, overdosing, then sh then eating in that order. Print off this thread and read it back to yourself when you waver and go for it! Hugs. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crystalrose91 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Thank you all for your replies, well wishes and welcomes It was so great to read them. I read them a few days ago but I couldn't think clearly enough to post. I love the idea about becoming a vegetarian for the animals sake. I do love animals, I just don't know if I can control my own bad eating habits. This week has not been so great. I saw the therapist on monday, she said I am a compulsive eater and that I need to change my habits slowly. She wants me to be mindful once a day of how I eat and then write a journal. I think its a good idea although I didn't realise how hard that would be. When I eat I just want to shove it in my mouth I guess and not think about anything else. I didn't stick to only drinking juice. i caved after the first day Anyway I have stuck to drinking a litre of fresh vegetable juice every day so thats something right? I wish I had more control. I hope things change soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 I am also obese, and I have started a diet... I talk about it in my blog. Junk food can be addictive. Like all addictions its a form of coping mechanism that you use because you have issues. When your diet kicks in you will start to feel more positive about yourself . Don't be too hard on yourself if you have the odd-slip up, just carry back on with the diet again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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