"naughty" Bahaviour

[toonkate]

Does anyone else do it?

Lately Ive been doing nothing but causing trouble, getting arrested, for various things, drunk and disorderly, trying to kill myself, threatening to kill people, trashing my shrinks office.

Is it just because im evil, or is it the bpd, or is it attention seeking

I know i shouldnt be doing it, its not helping me at all, its getting me a criminal record and has lost me my cpn and now my shrink, its gotten me locked up several times and even sectioned, not fun really!

due up in court on the 28th, for 3 things now, will be getting a pretty hefty fine i guess and at the mo i have no income so will prob get locked up for non payment of fines!!

[toonkate]

i forgot to say this part,

when someone read me part of my notes from one of the nurses in hospital, it said that i wasnt at all sorry for what i had done.

not that we had ever discussed what i had done, so i hadnt had the opportunity to discuss my remorse, but I dont feel sorry or responsible for what i have done, i know i did it and that i probably should be sorry but im not, i dont care if i hurt people anymore, i dont care about anyone elses feelings, im getting better at lying too (something that i have always been pretty bad at!)

and i keep hitting my mum, not hard or anything, but still its hitting

[Bryan]

Well Kate, far be it for me to contradict you, but if it really doesn't bother you, why are you bringing it up here? I don't want to be presumptuous, but something tells me that it does bother you. I can't tell you why you do it, I think deep down inside you know, but I don't think you're evil. That, again, is a relative word. Evil in comparison to what? If you compare yourself or any of us for that matter to God, then I think we are all reltively evil. But if your comparing yourself to a majority of the population, I don't think that what you have done qualifies as evil.

I don't know if you really expect us to any of us to tell you why you are doing this, because I think only you know.

But I would tell you not to be so hard on yourself. try to come to terms as to why you do it and see if you can find an alternative way to express your anger. Sorry don't mean to sound too much like a T, but that's how I honestly feel.

Bryan