lonelyheartemma Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 I dont know if i'm doing a good thing or a bad thing. I know i'm annoying my mum a lot. I know in some ways i'm rebelling because i'm doing things i dont need to do to make my point. But anyway i've been standing up to my mum a bit. sorry this is really long so i'll put a few bits in bold so you can ignore the rest I went out to the dentist, she wanted to show me the map before i went so she could tell me where the dentist was. I reminded her i go there every 6 months. i know where it is. afterwards i bought some CDs. Not the kind of thing my mum says i like, the things I do like. I have been downloading music lately but i like physically having CDs and i never know which sites are dodgy. So i got Chris Brown, One Direction, Marina and the Diamonds, REM and The Maccabees and i showed them to my mum and told her how much i liked the artists. My dad wasnt impressed i'd bought 1D (I told him i liked the profound underlying message of what makes you beautiful) and my mum obviously also wasnt impressed and she kind of justified it to herself by saying 'you didnt have much choice, the classical section is rubbish'. But apart from that she kept her thoughts to herself. then i knocked my mug of tea all over the table (my dad was showing us a picture but he was holding it so i couldnt see so i kind of leant round to see it) and i said i did that last night too and my mum started saying how my room was messy and i mustnt put my mug on the floor because i was always kicking it over and I said "No Mum i knocked it over once and it wasnt on the floor, i was balancing it on my lap.' She kind of stormed off into the kitchen but didnt say anything else. She also wants me to get the train to places i dont want to go to, because i was out for about 4 hours yesterday she says I'm 'better' (actually i was exhausted and in quite a bit of pain, not enough to seriously bother me but enough to make me think ok i'm going to be more careful next time) and she started telling me i needed to go to this place and that place, some of them take half an hour on the train and I said "But i dont want to go to those places, theres nothing I want to do there" and i dont think she liked that but she didnt say anything else. Is this good i'm doing this? Is it bad for me to feel good about it? like did she go quiet because i really hurt her feelings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 (((LonelyHeartEmma))) Of course it isn't bad to stand up for yourself, certainly not in the way you have expressed here. You are just putting things straight from your perspective. You haven't done it nastily or anything, so, so far, so good.xx Your post made me smile actually. Why do some parents think they know their offspring more than they know themselves.xx Well done you, youve done it in a nice way, not with intent to hurt but just to clarify.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted July 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 I know, did you see the post i put in attention seekers? I told her i had more experience of being me than she had experience of being me and she was like "yes possibly". Possibly is probably quite a big thing for her to say but even so. thank you for commenting and thank you Data and Absolute for your likes My dad just came in my room and said "Mum wants us to clear up in here" and i assumed he meant my room and i so nearly said "she can fuck off" which would have been beyond assertiveness but instead i just said "this is my room" and my dad explained he meant the spare room where i keep my hair stuff and thats fair enough as we all use that room. Bit worried tho, i never swear in front of my parents and i dont see any need to start now so i hope i can carry on controling myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 Well done Emma. This is good to read. You have your own mind, and you are using it. Of course your mum doesn't like it, but thats because she's been controlling you from day one. She's only annoyed with you because you are standing up to her, control freaks don't like that. But you are Emma, not Emma's mum. Keep it up. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bella90 Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 WElldone for standing up fro yourself !!in a assertive way...i do seem to think my parents know me better than what i do as they seem to think im really lovely hahah :PPi would of said fucking room btw lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 emma babe i know it's got to be so tough to be in this situation! u get to a point ur grown enough but ur still under ur parents roof. i'm sure its extremely hard for u but while i totally agree with u ...u have a mum, she's probably got her identity wrapped up in being mum so as u get older and more independant she probably tries to fight for more control...if that makes any sense at all? it's a classic struggle from what i know but ur right to assert yourself. it's what u should do ur grown enough and perhaps ur mum hasn't made the cross over or maybe she doesn't want to? u are ur own independant woman. u should stand up for urself but on the likelyhood this won't make u smile....being a grown woman also has to do with u realize she may never change and u need to play along a bit so u get more of what u need and want? it's not what u want to hear i'm sure i'm not saying not to stand up and be u and fight to b independant at all really i'm not but i think u'll get more what u want to apeese her just a tiny bit which will be an easier route than a full out clash. u are well grown and a wonderful intelligent woman with great insight so don't please fall into petty crap. mothers have a hard time letting go of being in charge of everything but u are well capable and too smart to fall into silly fights. pick ur battles u are so intelligent and well grown up, i know it's not easy but u are so over capable to deal with this and show her perhaps she is the one being silly? either way i know it's frustrating but i know u can handle it well, ur a smart girl with a good heart! i hope i haven't upset u in any way, everything u have said is valid in every way i just know u r so much smarter and more capable then to fall into piddly crap . xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimindigo Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Hi Emma, Congratulations for honouring your dear self. You know why control freaks need to control? Becaussseee,inside they know they have NO PERSONAL POWER! But to make it seem as if they have to themselves,they try to control OTHER PEOPLE. This keeps the pretense up that they really are powerful,but of course it is all a sham,all make-believe,such is their insecurity. You have a perfect right to obtain DIGNITY in this world,no matter WHO tries to thwart you in that right. You are a separate individual from your M and as such your dignity and self-respect are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, only you can default on that . . . go on yourself girl,we're right with you! Warmest Regards, jimindigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted July 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Thank you Bella Jades and Jimmy Jades actually what you said did make me smile as i have thought that for a while. My OT wanted to help me take on a more adult role in my parents house and i said i can't see this working, my mum wouldnt like it, she would see it as disrespectful for me to try and become her equal, its going to cause problems which i'll have to deal with. Its much better if i humour her and continue to be the child at home and only stand up to her when its really important BUT i learn assertiveness and confidence outside the home and use them when my parents arent around. My OT discharged me for that but she didnt tell me, she just never replied to my email and i found out about 2 months later. So thats what i thought and you are the first person who has ever really seemed to agree with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Emma this is brilliant, I am so proud fo you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 i'm glad hun ....think u may have one up on ur mum , another thing u can smile to urself about whenever it gets rough xxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 good for you honey keep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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