Big G Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Hello all... Decided 2 come on2 a forum to seek advice and support, I have been suffering with Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Agoraphobia, Social phobia since childhood, I have also been a cannabis smoker since leaving school. And abused harder drugs and alcohol in my past. 10yrs ago I was getting medical support, counselling and seeing a psychiatrist. but nothing worked, then 5yrs ago I had a bike crash that nearly killed me, and was in hospital for a month, When I awoke, I felt so different, I really believed I no longer had depression and was so happy 2b alive, so I stopped all th treatment, But since then I have gone down hill, my health is really bad I used to keep fit but because of my injuries I can no longer do this, plus I keep having a lot of things go wrong with my health, I'm awaiting an op 2have my gallbladder removed at th moment,I have nerve damage in my left hand so can't even play my guitar, which as been a life line over th past few yrs. I have nt worked since th crash as i cannot go back into labouring work which I have done all my life due to my injuries. I split up with my Girlfriend and moved from a small town that I have lived in for 21yrs to Wrexham where my children all live, and it is fantastic I have my children around me but I have no friends, My children don't know about my suffering, My children's mother and I recently got back together after 12 yrs apart, but this is nt working neither as she is a very busy nurse, we don't argue,or anything like that we just don't see each other. I owe Several thousand pounds to 2 different banks which Niether no where I am at th moment. I don't have a house of my own, but am living in a tiny room with my eldest daughter and her child. I feel I have no hope and no future. I have been so depressed and thinking about suicide daily. I don't feel like doing anything,going out, talking, and seem to break in2 tears for anything. I feel so alone.. My children don't understand depression they used to just say come on it's Ok cheer up, so I have nt let them know that I have gone back 2 that dark place, I can't put it on their mum, as she is having a really hard time herself. and I don't want to go back to th docs like I say I did this for 5yrs and didn't help. So hopefully coming on2 this forum and being able 2talk 2people who know what I'm going through might just help! So at least I'm no longer suffering in silence!! Big G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebellgirl Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 I feel for you.. I have physical health probs that stop me from excersising and they impact on my mood. It sounds like you have been through a lot. peace, bluebell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 I feel for you.. I have physical health probs that stop me from excersising and they impact on my mood. It sounds like you have been through a lot. peace, bluebell. Thanks for your lovely words Bluebellgirl, Running used 2make me feel so good, along with cycling, Swimming, Rowing and Weight training, but I have tried many times to get back but just end up with more injuries, My Doc even managed to get me a personal trainer, but she even said I was doing myself more damage than good and said I should quit.. So now I'm totally unfit and have put on loads of weight, but got to keep my head up and carry on.. All th best and take care!! Big G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 Welcome. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 Welcome. Thankyou jazmineRose.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted July 18, 2012 Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 Sounds like u really going thru a difficult time right now. I know u will get support here. All the best oh and welcome btw :-) Emo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 Sounds like u really going thru a difficult time right now. I know u will get support here. All the best oh and welcome btw :-) Emo Thanks EMOGIRL Lv ur avatar ...I was born in th year of th Tiger and I adore Tigers, ...Everyone so nice and supportive on this forum. It good 2talk. All th best G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanielawson86@hotmail.co.uk Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hi big g! Really sorry about your accident and the lack of excerise must be incredibly frustrating! Just wanted to say welcome and hope you find some solace here :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks noodles.. These forums are Like a life raft, There are times when I feel like i'm drowning, and being able to talk openly on here and get th support helps so much. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanielawson86@hotmail.co.uk Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 I'm fairly new here myself and I know exactly what you mean! If I didn't have this place to come to I don't know what I'd do! I can say exactly what's on my mind without being judged or critised which is refreshing! I am of many people on here that are here for you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Thanks noodles means a lot to me, been locking a lot up inside for a few years,Didn't want to admit that I still have depression lying to myself pretending nothing wrong, and thinking it will go away .But this just makes things worse. So feeling trapped and isolated I started searching th net for some answers, I had nt ever wanted to do group therapy my Counsellor tried to get me to do it years ago but because of my soicial phobia and th fact i was living in a very small town. I refused. So th thought of a forum like this on th net was th last thing I would have thought of going on. But I'm so glad I did. It so easy to chat with people who are suffering th same as me. I have nw changed my opinion about group therapy I nw really want to give it a go, so Ive made a appointment for wed 2c my GP, I don't want 2 start back on meds, I tried lots of diff pills, like Prozac (fluoxetine) Citalopram, Seroxat (paroxetine) there was one can't remember th name sure it began with Z, this made me feel even more suicidal. I believe it was withdrawn fr production. Anyhow none never seemed to work, everytime I saw my psychiatrist He would put me on something else, so nt going through that again, talk theropy worked th best, I was getting one 2 one counselling then, but will now try group theropy. Sorry been babbling on a bit thanx for taking th time to read this all th best G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanielawson86@hotmail.co.uk Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 I'm sorry that your suffering.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 I'm sorry that your suffering.x Thank you noodles Sorry been so long in answering but so much been happening. I told my partner that it just nt good th way things were going so we have now split up But I suggested it and she agreed so no going back now. I've also been back to GP and got some more pain killers which seem to be working ok, been in less pain th last couple of days. Also made my mind up to go back on antidepressants, and he is putting in for some counseling for me, and that is good news. so things been pretty mad. Hope you are in good health and spirit yourself? Thanks for th post all th best G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted July 29, 2012 Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 Glad you are still coming on and getting support here. I think that physical injuries that stop you exercising and keeping fit are incredibly difficult to deal with when combined with mental health difficulties. It soudns like yo uare doing everything u can to help yourself. I was moved reading your posts. you sound like a very brave and determined person (even if you don't feel like that). All the best to you mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 Glad you are still coming on and getting support here. I think that physical injuries that stop you exercising and keeping fit are incredibly difficult to deal with when combined with mental health difficulties. It soudns like yo uare doing everything u can to help yourself. I was moved reading your posts. you sound like a very brave and determined person (even if you don't feel like that). All the best to you mate Thanks Sundries, my life does seem very hard at th moment everything seems to be happening that can happen. Finding it a struggle but must keep going. you never know what's around that corner. all th best Gerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 Thought an update is needed.... Have been in a lot more pain due to Acute sciatica for the last 2wks, running fr my back down in2 my damaged knee, I've nt been out for nearly two wks, stuck in my room unable to stand, I called th GP out and he gave me some pain killers which did nothing so had to get him out again, and now have more pain killers and as numbed it a bit. Also been told that I have cataracts in both of my eye's. may have to have another opp. Told my partner last wk that we couldn't carry on like this, so now she gone too, been so depressed and down this last wk. Hardly sleeping and when I do sleep wishing that I wouldn't wake up. If I didn't have my children then don't think I would be here. really don't know how much more I can take!!. but I have also spoke to my GP about my depression and anxiety, I have decided to go back onto medication, antidepressants, Lofepramine 70mg never had these b4 so lets hope! Also he getting me some counseling which is th best news I've had for along time. Have also been told that I should have my date for th operation to have my gallbladder removed by th end of August. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tan19 Posted July 29, 2012 Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 Hi I'm glad you are getting counselling and also some meds and support from the doctors Hold onto that hope because I can see that you have a lot of strength in you Even if it's the smallest ounce of strength please hold onto it, it will get you through this dark time You have been through a lot but yet you are still here, you didn't die after that crash, you were meant to be here. Your life has a purpose, you may not know what it is right now and it may seem pointless but you are here for a reason I promise you You deserve to be happy Whether it be that you should be an example to others who are suffering that you can make it through, or that you are here to be a great dad to your kids (which you already seem like) then cling to those thoughts. I hope the counselling helps you, it's hard to see the good in life when you are going through these feelings I'm sorry about your partner but well done for having the strength to let go when you needed to, I always cling on to relationships when I know they are damaging me until they dump me and then I'm left even more broken. You had the strength to do the right thing Right now you are going through pain, and I know you wish there were people here to pull you through it because life is lonely (trust me I know) but sometimes however cruel it seems, we have to face our fears alone. In order to have true strength we must fight alone, that way when we get through it, which you will, you will have gained such a strength in yourself that no one can ever break You will know that you and only you saved yourself That is something to be proud of, and that day will come. We are all here to help you and I'm here if you need to talk I'm sorry this week has been bad, but please hold on and stay strong.. Your not alone in this I'm thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted July 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2012 Thank you Tan for your lovely post, And yes you are right, we do have to face our demons alone, But with the love and support of others it makes the path a little easier. I also in the past have hung on2 relationships, and again like you say it does cause a lot more pain for both parties, I can thankfully say the last three failing relationships I have just let go. I'm not saying this was an easy thing to do, but so much less painful. Also I've managed to stay friends with them. I think you start out as friends so It only right you should remain friends, And the ones I tried to hold onto always ended up with us hating each other. I am really positive towards my counseling, I've always believed talking is the best therapy. Rather than shoveling loads of pills down your throat, but I know these do help too, They can help to take the edge off. I don't get onto this forum that often, But do find it a valuable resource, I think writing stuff down can be a useful tool. And with people responding with encouragement and support who are also suffering with maybe the same issues can like counseling be a Great help Again I would like to thank you for your post. All th best Gerry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InterruptedHappiness Posted July 31, 2012 Report Share Posted July 31, 2012 Hi and welcome sorry to hear your struggling but your right its a step in the right direction not suffering in silence! I've been there and we all seem to think not saying anything we aren't bothering anyone else but talking about it usually helps! I felt it was important to reply to you as I live in north wales too! Rhyl to be exact and I'd love to stay in contact with someone who understands where I'm coming from! X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big G Posted August 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2012 Hi and welcome sorry to hear your struggling but your right its a step in the right direction not suffering in silence! Hi InterruptedHappiness Thanks for your post. I used to keep everything bottled up and I believe that made me feel a lot worse, There's still stuff that I don't talk about face to face with people, but I find it a lot easier on these forums. And I do believe talking is th best therapy. Sorry to know that you are also suffering, But yes plse keep in touch, Not on this site very much, but usually check my threads ect every day or two, I use another site (www"mentalhealthforum".net) sorry had to write like that would not let me post link..just remove speech marks. I can't remember if I put it on my profile but I live in Wrexham, A little south of you, I have done some work in Rhyl a few years ago, I think it was th "white rose center" if I remember correctly. I was also in Rhyl on a day trip a few months back. So all th best look 4ward 2hearing fr you soon. Gerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InterruptedHappiness Posted August 1, 2012 Report Share Posted August 1, 2012 I will also have to have a look on that site it would be nice next time your in rhyl we could meet for a coffee or something it would be great to know someone who's on the same wave length..I am suffering but each day seems to be getting a little better and I'm adamant to make plans for everything haha..x keep well x kim x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaches167 Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I am so sorry you're going through this, I really am. It's actually bought tears to my eyes a little because I know how it feels to be in that dark place. You wish you could just let people step into your mind for five minutes so they could understand how low you feel. Nothing will bring you up, nothing. It's like every good thing has been sucked out. Because I've been there, I know no amount of words can take the pain away, but what I do know is that life with depression is like many little episodes, life seems to be ending and you feel so low you feel you can't turn anywhere for hope or happiness, it's like a part of you disappears and you don't know how to get it back, and you DON'T get it back. But I promise you, you CAN find new strength. It takes time, time that is so incredibly painful, every day is a struggle, but I promise you if you have even a slight love or happiness towards anything in your life, which you do, then there's hope. That happiness and hope can grow, slowly, and then it can fill you up and you start to find a bit of strength again. Focus on the good things in your life, however small. Write down how you felt when you woke up from the accident and read it to yourself every day. Listen to what your heart tells you so you can know what you need to do. I think you're so brave and I wish you all the best. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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