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Mum Is Dead


Eagleheart

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i'm really so so sorry biggest hugs and cuddles to u xxxxxx hope ur safe i know this has to have u in bits! please stay safe ur a lovely person and i know this is extremely hard but we all really care about u soooo much! xxxxxxxx

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Visited her yesterday but in the end,she died all alone,with no family around her.Fuck me,the guilt,it's twisting my guts.

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Thanks hun. Been hit by a wave of exhaustion.

It's over.I feel a guilty sense of relief.

I was a shit daughter for the last year of her life.x

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Spent the day piling mum's life into bin bags.Exhausted and sick to my stomach with anxiety.Death is clinging to me.I feel so lonely.Her absence was a looming entity and i think she's haunting me.I am terrified to have ANY thoughts about her.She will hear them and then i will be punished

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Funeral not til next Thurs. I have experienced mild grief,but now,i am emotionally dead,as far as mother's death goes. The fizzing ball of rage that has bubbled away in my gut for all those years has disappeared.I no longer hate her.I just feel nothing.The thought of having to act grief stricken at the funeral sends me into panic.As heartless as this sounds,i just want to get it done so i can start to live my life,free of the weight of her.Yes,i'm a cruel bitch.But most of you don't understand what i've been through.There are reasons why i am so cold hearted.

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