Cooky Ducky Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Yesterday I had decided I needed to gain control my eating again and get the weight back off because I am deeply un happy with my weight. I have been drinking hot chocolate and nibbling bits of chocolate and crisps throughout the day whilst fighting with my head. Then having to cook dinner and eat it with my family then drinking too much. When I say deeply I mean rock bottom deeply and I know people on here will understand that as my family do not understand how deeply upset I am. So I decided I would make myself eat something for breakfast (I havent been doing through feeling so low) Then I went to the supermarket and bought salad, olives, etc with the idea I would have a healthy lunch and a proper dinner with my family. That way I would eat more healthily, feel better and loose the weight. TODAY My head is fighting - dont want to eat the breakfast, here I go again the head fight, it didn.t last long. I did eat a slice of toast now I am wracked with guilt about eating it and dont know what to do with myself. aaarrrhhhhh why cant I just be slim like I want to be eat like a normal person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deedeanjackharri Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 i totally know how u feel every mouthful i have im wracked with guilt, but i still go ahead and eat. ive put on 6 stone in 2 years because of the tablet im on, they increase my appetite and of course im not eating healthily which makes matters worse! i feel so unhappy the way i am ive never been happy with my weight but now it feels totally out of control. ive tried stoppig the tablets but i became suicidal again and took an overdose and ended up in hospital again so i know ive got to take them i just dont know what to do. sorry im not helpfu to you but just letting u know im listening and i know exactly how u feel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Oh I can so totally relate. To me it's "all or nothing" when it comes to food. I either have full control (very rare) but in these times I eat no chocolate, and really limit my diet (not healthy) but most of the time I am out of control and eat anything in sight, unhealthy stuff that is. It's hard to get that control back to even just be 'normal' and have 3 meals a day. I don't know how people do that. Even now I'm thinking of what I can eat and it's only 3:30pm. I'm trying hard to not eat something now but wait until dinner.. but man it's hard. Sorry i have no advice either but I can relate. It's really tough xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoogirl Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 I can totally relate! Although eating some toast is ok, theres nothing wrong with it for your breakfast, thats the part I got messed up on and then started feeling so guilty. I have a diet plan which i got from the dietician which restricts you to 1500 calories and its good which allows you to eat normal food. If you like I can email it to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted August 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 Thanks Jenny and Tattoogirl Today has been really difficult with food I have eaten but it has all been a big argument. So yes please I would like the diet sheet as maybe it will help to follw something and someone tell me I am allowed to eat it. Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Another day another fight over eating crap. :confused02: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoogirl Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 i know the feeling, ive the same thing, binging, so disappointed in myself, sick of this shit. PM me your email address and ill scan it in and send it to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Thanks Tattogirl Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted August 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Following the moring fight I stayed in bed so made sure I missed breakfast time and have just had hot chocolate. I know it is wrong but I feel happier having as I feel not eaten because not eating the fight is not as strong and as soon as I give in to it the figt gets stronger and stronger. I like feeling nothing in my stomach and just drinking gives me that feeling. Tattoo girl I know what you mean about binging - as soon as I start to eat - which I am not going to do today - I will eat everything then feel crap. food, eating, weight, fat, thin is always in my head and I wish it wasn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnyrabbit Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 hi hun i've battled with my weight all my life even as a kid i had nick names from people. have had eating disorder i still slip back in to it if i'm stressed and want control thinking of you hear if you want to chat hugs xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Hi Bunnyrabbit and thanks I am not recognised as having an eating disorder but have had a problem with food all my life too. I remember being at secondary school and not liking my size being laughed at and desperately trying to loose weight and it has continued ever since - the hate of my size, body, I have lived on 3 bags of vrisps a day and less recently. Or gone the other way and eaten everything insight whilst wishing I was thinner. Today people will think I have eaten normally 1 slice of tast and butter chicken wrap, salad and and few fries (I wasnt expecting to be at work at lunchtime otherwise I would have taken salad) hot choc and 6 squares of choc But and here is the but - I have dinner to face yet and I feel I have already eaten too much. My head is saying I shouldnt have eaaten what I have eaten, my hips are growing as I am look at them I feel the fat as I keep pinching it round my middle whilst I sit here and tell myself off for being so weak and not managing to not eat lunch instead of going to the canteen. If only I could be thin and just not think about food. sorry Bunnyrabbit I went off on one there, but I understand exactly where you are coming from. Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnyrabbit Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 hi its ok its good to get it all out. it can help to write it all down. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Yes I do find writing things down helps xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Oh here I go again. I decided I would be better eating a slice of toast than starving this morning then waiting till lunchtime. Now I have had 1 I want another and the fight is on again. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHH I wish I hadn't got up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnyrabbit Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 hi hun hugs ere's a really good book called beyond kayotic eating which might help think its by helen willkins it's meant to help people recover and help them not feel alone it helped me. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Thanks Bunnyrabbit I'll look it up on amazon Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 The book does look good so have ordered it thanks Bunnyrabbit. Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 20, 2012 Report Share Posted December 20, 2012 i have fights in my head over eating to so your not alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellaboo Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 I can relate to this constant battle paralysis confuses and prevents anything else happening or getting done. My life is my thoughts and resistance restriction and guilt . Not much help but I relate I hope ya can find a calmness and acceptance xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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