Cooky Ducky Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Sunday 2nd September I had a positive I would even say happy day until dinner time. Then I dropped. Why couldn't it last? I have no reason for the drop I just sat down in front of my meal with my hubby and felt myself drop, didn't feel like eating it and struggled from then onwards. I shared a bottle of wine with my hubby but I became agitated by 6.30/7pm my hubby made a joke at my expence and I dropped even further. He said I wasnt listening to him and ignoring him and I was just like this because of the wine. I disagreed as I knew I wasn't right before but he wouldn't listen rather just kept telling me I didnt listen to him and just ignored him when I was in this state and it was all because I had had some wine. I needed to 'leave' suicidal feeling were now growing and just didn't know what to do with myself and knew I was getting worse. It was no use talking to my hubby, do went to bed. Then been up half the night and feel like crap emotionally. Sunday morning/afternoon was just a fleeting moment. Now I am back to crap, struggling with my thoughts, feelings, self and worrying as to the damage I have just caused my marriage. He has gone to work now and I was constantly watching his face and checking his body language to see if I can gain an understanding of 'where we are' how he is feeling and whether he is cross with me. Shit I hate this crap and this life yesterday I thought I might be getting better and today I dont want to be here any more and am struggling to face going into work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 ((((Cooky Ducky)))) It's really hard when you are feeling good and then it just disappears in the blink of an eye but try to hold onto the fact that you did feel good for a while and that it will come back again. I wish your husband could understand your MH problems as well because that would be a great help to both of you. I hope you do manage to get to work and that the day goes better than expected and perhaps you could have a talk with your husband later on today to see how he is feeling so that you definitely know where you stand instead of trying to second guess how he is feeling. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Hi Cats How are you doing? writing down on here has helped it got it out of my head so I have now got up, hair done and dressed (which is helpful when I have to go to work!!) I sort of know I aught to try and hold onto the fact I actually had a good day. In a funny way therapy can sometimes make that difficult because when I go this week If I tell my psychologyst I had a few good hours that is all she will want to fosus on whan I want to do is work on all the crap going on inside. Just hearing from you helps. Thanks Cats I am ok (well sort of) now I have had a 'scream' Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'm ok thank you sweets, just pouring coffee down my throat at the moment and trying to come round! In the middle of making a little activity schedule for myself for today so I can keep moving forward. I'm glad that it helped writing it down and having a scream and that you are feeling a little better. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 I am glad you are feeling ok. I miss coffee I cant drink it due to migrianes so drinking camamile tea Activity schedule sounds a good idea. What are you putting on it? When I was feeling good yesterday a track from Mama Mia came on the radio and reminded me of the time I went to see the show in London it was fab so in a spur of the moment decission (which is the sort of thing I do when I am up) I ordered the film and sound track as an uplift type of thing to watch listen to. (I know a bit sad!!) I also thought I might go to Zumba again both of which dont seem such good ideas today but if I put them in a schedule maybe?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 I love Abba so I don't think it's sad at all and it's a great idea if it helps to lift you I've seen Zumba on the tv and it looks like great fun and exhausting as well but exercise is really good for your MH. I've got an exercise bike upstairs which I haven't been on for ages but will be adding it to my activity schedule from now on because it really does give me a boost as well and keeping myself fit and healthy. A list of things to do each day really helps me a lot of the time. You don't have to start doing loads of things all in one go which is usually the mistake that I make but start with little things and build up from there. I do find though that if I make a list and I don't manage everything, I can feel a huge FAIL being stamped on my forehead but if I use some Radical Acceptance and look at why I didn't manage everything and tell myself that it isn't the end of the world then I don't feel as bad and just add it to the next day's list. On my list today: Bath Wash hair Put washer on Ironing Paperwork The ones with the smiley faces next to them means that I have done them already xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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