Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 This might be complicated so you might have to bear with me. I saw seen a CPN from March 2011-August 2011 then Psychologyst August 2011- April 2012 (on a weekly basis) Then went on to review period - May and June and refered to another senter for group therapy but things went badly down hill (in fact they had been doing from February but the Psycologyst kept insisting it was because therapy was coming to an end. I knew differently) July urgent referal from my doctor which coincided with my next review appointment anyway my referal came through for the other center and they saw me too (in a right old state) gave me 3 asssesments (with 2 people) which have taken 3 months they have decided to offer me group therapy 2 x weekly 1 1/2 per week starting 13 September. But I dont feel to have gained any trust in them yet. Meanwhile I went back to seeing the pychologyst weekly in July, they went on holiday part way through August so started seeing my CPN again to keep me going from week to week. My CPN - seems to think I need to see someone 1:1 weekly and I feel I can manage to crawl from week to the next but no longer. But I dont think/ know if that is going to happen. My psychologyst is seeing this appointment as a review and discharging me to the other centre as does the other centre. The other centre as far as I am aware, there has been no talk of any 1:1 support only this group therapy so I feel I am about to loose my outlet and am frightened. very frightened. I dont know what is going to happen tomorrow my CPN said they would talk to my pychologyst to see where we can go from here. Here I am a 47 year old woman frighted, I can hear everyone telling me to stand up for myself and tell them but I just cant. bugger - I do know that I cant see myself keeping going if I am left alone to cope even if I go to the group therapy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 ''but things went badly down hill (in fact they had been doing from February but the Psycologyst kept insisting it was because therapy was coming to an end. I knew differently)'' (((Cookyducky))) Was wondering what you meant by this, in that you knew differently? Pickle.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I understand you being frightened and it takes a lot of courage to admit this. I would be fearful of the uncertainty of not knowing what is happening. Go along tomorrow and see how things are, but also can you talk about your anxieties over possible ongoing 1-1 with both your current CPN and your psychologist to get some clarification. I know if I am confused (until the last couple of days lol) I don't like to show it, so I don't ask cos I don't want to appear to be so hopeless, needy and confused, but the truth is, I'm beginning to believe, if we don't put ourselves out there and be honest with the people who are meant to be helping us get some hold on things, how can they know. There is no shame in wanting and needing clarification. I know if I were in your situation, I would be so needing to know what will be happening, so I'm here to support you in that need. You've helped me a lot cooky.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I kept telling my psychologyst I was struggling with work and home and saying that I had suicidal thoughts but they kept it was natural to have worries when therapy was coming to an end and we are never finished or where we want to be when therapy finishes so I got the vibes that I was supposed to manage on my own as I had had my allotted time and it was finishing, it was someone elses turn, I was making a fuss. I am frighted now of being left to cope on my own - I am beging to go back to work as it is a new term at college I only work a few hours a week and have my PGCE class and study time on top but I was in college yesterday for a team meeting and a meeting with a colleague and really struggled to the point of tears. I feel loosing my 1:1 support now is too soon or the wrong time for me. Thanks Pickle I seem to be having one of those days Cooky Ducky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 (((Cookyducky))), Can you actually say to them as you have here, '' I feel loosing my 1:1 support now is too soon or the wrong time for me.'' Tis worth a try, cos this is what you are really trying to express to them. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I know I need to but I think they will say I have to stand on my own two feet and cant count on them forever and I know all that and I will do when I am ready but I still struggle with suicide thoughts and more and am frightened of myself. I cant control myself going down. Sorry pickle I will try though at least it is a morning appointment so I havent all day to stew over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Oh I'm sorry this is happening. This type of thing has always scared me about getting Nhs help or anything time limited as I'm scared as to what would happen at the end if I wasn't ready. I hear what the psychologist is saying about no one is ever truly at the end of their journey by the end of the counselling but at the same time you are really struggling with a lot of things and now just doesn't sound like its a good time to stop. I hope your CPN can help,, and I guess the group therapy may help too. I know it's not the same as one to one support but the upside is there will be lots of you (sorry to state the obvious). I don't know what the group rules are like if you can have contact outside the group but it could be that you feel supported by them. I hope your appointment goes as well as it can and they hear you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 sorry? bit confused why you be sorry.xx no need to be. Group therapy can be really effective, but there are just some things that only a one to one situation, with someone you can trust or have learned to trust, feels safe. This is scarey to feel like it is going to be taken away, but I do understand the having to stand on ones own two feet and all that, but as you say, maybe this is just a bit too soon. I wish you all the best tomorrow and hope something can be worked out.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I am sorry I am being so rubbish Pickle - I have nothing against the group therapy and am going to go but am very scared of what is going to happen and I cant see my self opening up or saying anything etc for the first few times as staying in the room is my first goal. People scare me and if anyone gets angry or cross that is one opf my worst fears. But that is not the 1:1 support if there was a bridge until I felt safe and secure maybe I dont know I maybe making a mountain out of a mole hill. The group is not allowed to socialise or talk outside the group apparantly those are the rules. Thanks for the support Jenny and Pickle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Ok worries over. I am having my last appointment with the psychologyst next week. Then they are thinking I am going to stay with the CPN who will act as case as my case manager and see me and work with me from then on meanwhile I get started with the other center with the group therapy. Crying - broke down in a heap with relief that I wasn'r being 'dumped' and left on my own to cope with everything. I feel relieved now and have had a good afternoon with my friend, shopping and out for a hot chocolate. I am exhausted. Thanks for all your support yesterday. Cooky Ducky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchemist Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 The problem is cooky ducky, when we become addicted to therapy; how do they treat that? I never did group, just not for me, i'd sit and make jokes all the time. 1 on 1 helped me a bit, and am hoping to be offered some when i get my appointment with cmht. It reaches a point though when it can become a crutch, and the therapist just cant do anything more for us. Glad they sorted it out for ya though, worrying about treatment is the worst in a way :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooky Ducky Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 I am not addicted to it Achemist I am just in a very bad place at the moment and although I might have had a good afternoon my good times are usually short lived. So to take everything away just now is too soon. I am ok with stopping the appointments with the psychologys because I agree I think we have gone as far as that can take me and the group therapy is the move forward but I am still only crawling my way through from day to day and need the support of someone to keep me going. So please dont make the judgment that I am addicted to therapy when you dont know my circumstances. sorry but that feels to have hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hi I'm so relieved to hear that they are not abandoning you with what feels like no or little support. I hope your CPN is able to support you.. Do you get on ok with your CPN? I am really relieved too and it's great that you were able to enjoy your afternoon witout having these worries hanging over your head. Remember to take good care of yourself you really deserve it. Big hugs (if ok) Jenny xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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