How Is This Fair! Ultimatum!

[Alittlelost]

Intensive 5 day a week therapy or go it alone! This is the ultimatum I have been given from my therapist. How is this fair?

This isn't as easy as saying okay I will agree to attend the 5 week intense therapy for a year, why does she not see this?

It means giving up my career and not being about to pick it back up again afterwards, hows does she expect me to afford to live? It means letting my parents down again, how do I explain to them?

Or to go it alone! What if I fail and lose my career anyway? I am on my last warning after all but this would be better than throwing it away myself surely. The thought of going it alone frightens me.

This isn't fair at all!

[Tan19]

Im sorry you have been given such a hard choice, I can see why this is very hard to think about

Can I ask why these are the only two options she has given you?

And have you explained all the things you said here to her? X

[Alittlelost]

Thank you Tan19

Because she cannot offer me 1-2-1 therapy after the 6th session as the personality disorder service is group therapy based. I cannot do group therapy due to my career and she thinks I need "intense therapy" for a year.

Iv'e been passed from pillar to post in services over the last 4 years and told her I am getting fed up of getting to a certain stage in therapy and for one reason or another them having to end it.

She knows exactly where things stand and doesn't think I should be training in my chosen career. She thinks I'm doing it for the wrong reasons and that it is detrimental to my mental health or so this is what I believe. She knows exactly what she is doing!

Sorry I'm so angry

[AppleCrumble]

Oh no! That's terrible.

WHat kind of job are you training in? So sorry to hear that she has been so cruel about it. I don't think I'd be able to give up work for therapy, as much as I need it. Grh, that's very unfair, and quite judgemental of her that she won't let you do the job you have... Hm, anyway you could ask someone else for a second opinion? WHat other stuff have you tried therapy wise?

Hm, have you said in the past anything about not wanting to do the job you want to do? or just going about things because other people want you to (in relation to your job) and that you would leave, but can't due to parental pressure or whatever?

xxxx

[Alittlelost]

Unfortunately she is consultant psych and I don't think a second opinion would make a difference. The service is group based and only offer 1-2-1 short term if at all.

Iv'e been inpatient for 10 months in 2008 for an ED, I was in therapy prier to this for a year and a year afterwards before they discharged me on the base of being a healthy weight. I was then in counselling but they referred me else where as they said they couldn't help me (I didn't attend where they referred me to). I was then referred to an early intervention team for a year. This is where I was given a false diagnosis and had to take my first year out of uni but my CPN was helpful. They decided after assessing me for PD that they were not the service for me and referred to to a psycho-dynamic therapy service who saw me for 5 months before referring me to this PD service. Ugh! fed up!

I haven't ever implied that I do not want to train in this job role. She said that the environment of my career is not helping my own mental health and that she believes that I am using other members of staff to try and fullfill my need....basically trying to get somebody to care for me... parentally or as a processional something like that!

Oh and after some reasurch I think this 5 day a week thing is a therapeutic community and would require staying over night....erm NO!

[Cooky Ducky]

Oh my goodness surely having a job is good for your recovery too and I would have thought an essential part of recovering able being able to become independent from the services.

Sorry Alittlelost I am a bit shocked at the serverity of what you have been told.

I also understand at the worry of suddenly being dumped to going it alone.

big hugs Cooky Ducky xx

[Alittlelost]

Thank you Cooky Ducky

I just don't know what to do with myself now :crying_anim02:

[Tan19]

This is a very hard situation to be in

Asking you to commit to a intensive therapy like that is very shocking

I guess it's best to try and look at the positives in this situation however small they are

At this moment I can think of the fact that you have an option of help, despite it being so severe is positive?

Could you write a list of the pros and cons of each decision

Sometimes it's hard to commit to something different as it scares us to come out of our comfort zone

However I completly understand why the 5 day a week thing is just too much

Also you seem to have been passed around a lot which is never nice

How long do you have to think this over?

Is there no chance you could find therapy from somewhere else?

I think having a job is a good thing if you are happy there, it makes you independent and gives you something to focus on

I hope you manage to come to some sort of compromise with this or are able to make a decision soon x

[Alittlelost]

Tan, thank you. You are right, I should look at the positives of them actually offering me some support but you are also right about this being a shock (a very big shock) and an even bigger decision to make alone.

I need to clarify that I do not have a job but I am at uni training which involves working 50% on placements.

The pros and cons of this situation are simple really: CONS: Lose my chance to train in my chosen field (the course is three years. You get four years to complete it and I have already taken a year out)

PROS: I finally get the opportunity to help myselk

UNKNOWN: I could turn it down and end up losing my career due to lack of support

Iv'e exhausted services in my city, they just keep passing me on.

[starryeyesee]

Hi

If you went on alone do you think you would cope? What are student services like, are they any good, could they advise you?

If you went on to get your degree maybe you could move to another city afterwards to get support for your MH and the therapy you need.

I am saying this because I have just moved back from France after 11 years to get help with my mental health. The service in France was excellent but in French and I need therapy in English. So I understand what a big deal moving is but I also understand it's a bit of a postcode lottery in this country.

Just a thought

starry xxx

[Maddison]

Hunni I think you are young you need the help and you are lucky to live in a place that is offering you therapy over night or not to get you to a place where you can live a better life. I get that it gets in the way of other plans but do you realize that this may change your life forever? Take it hunni. I'd have done any thing to be offered that help.

[Alittlelost]

Starry, I moved to the location I am now because the mental health services were better and move available. Regarding whether I need the support I just don't know. Circumstances tell me I do and I think my doctors would agree. Problem is if I just go it alone and things go wrong I lose my course anyway.

Thank you Maddison. Indeed I am young (25 if that is still classed as young lol) and agree with taking the opportunity if it wasn't my last chance at my training. It's either take the therapy and help myself and lose my chance at becoming what have dreamed of becoming for the last 5 years or have my dream job but take the chance of not being contented and still have issues.

I feel so alone with this but I appreciate all of your support, thank you

[jenny1471]

Hi

Sorry you're in this situation.. I do often think the services offered are a 'do it my way or do it no way' as I was offered NHS therapy but seeing as I work in the same building I turned it down. Now in my notes it's basically written that I've rejected all help offered etc. sometimes I feel they can't see the bigger picture.

But yes I think you've been given some good advice here really.. The pros and cons etc. my CPN always says my health and well being are more important to a job which I guess I agree with. But the reality often feels different.

Sorry I'm not much use in this reply but just wanted to add my support and hope it helps to write things and share them here with us.

X

[Maddison]

If you don't feel well emotionally you'll not have a dream job or career. I hear it is a tough decision as it is a commitment that is bigger than I think most of us can honestly supply.

[Data]

Is there any way you can get some help from your university over this? They must have an officer or department who deals with disabilities, why not go and see them for advice.

I was told I only had 4 years to finish my qualification but after a lot of emailling and begging the right people and getting the disability people involved, I was given 5 years.

[Alittlelost]

Thank you Jenny, Maddison and Data,

I see where you are coming from Maddison, I honestly do and you are right but it's still a decision I would rather not have to make.

I didn't consider student survives and the disability department, thank you I will definitely look into this. Iv'e also decided to go and talk to my GP Friday to see if they can help me find alternatives or to see if they can help me in anyway at all.

If I'm honest I'm not even sure what this 5 day therapeutic community thing entails so maybe I need to do a bit of research too,

[Maddison]

Hunni don't feel bad for talking about here that is why we are all here. I know I'd say I would jump and take the therapy but maybe I wouldn't, if that makes sense? It is a big deal and you need to think carefully and talk about it here hunni.

[Cooky Ducky]

Hi Alittlelost

You have have had losts of good advice since I was last on. I am glad you are going to talk to your GP and Student Services.

It does seem amazing that we are expected to be able to drop everything even though as you said you do not know what the therapy fully entails.

keep talking as the advice and support on here can continue to support you whatever you decide.

Cooky Ducky xx