addy2 Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 I have BPD and to be honest some of the stuff I read makes me ashamed to be me. Is everyone with BPD violent and manipulative and bad parents? I know I am not violent never have been would never ever hurt anyone delibrately, I am not a perfect parent by no means but some of the stuff I read is horrible. I am not getting at anyone person in particluar but these are the reasons I disagree so much with the dx, is there anyone else who feels this way or am I wrong it just seems that we are such horrible bad people but I know I am not that way at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hunni I know what you're saying. I have 2 kids I don't shout at them or spank them and never have done. I don't get in bad relationships and I don't think I'm emotionally needy. I don't have a crisis when I have to see a different doctor and I think most people can be trusted. But - I'm borderline! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Its hard isn't it to accept something that is supposed to meant you are some kind of monster. My psychologist said to remember there are so many different ways to fit into BPD she said it means I don't necessarily have to fit in those parts but it still upsets me to be labelled the same as people who maybe are like that, if that makes sense, I don't want to offend anyone so I hope I haven't, I am pleased to know I am not alone Madison.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fashiondiva93 Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 some people judge people with bpd the wrong way and they think their just being attention seeking and getting angry for no reason and just having mood swings becuase they feel like it. I have bpd and I have lost freinds and boyfreinds becuase they do not get why I am having so many mixed emotions I am sure your not a bad parent but it is harder to be a parent as a bpd suffer. you just need to have faith in yourself and pick yourself up and tell your self your not that bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 If you have borderline and you're needy then I feel sad for those sufferers, I'm lucky I don't have that symptom. I don't feel my dx says I am a bad person I think it says I am struggling with aspects of life, if that makes sense? Attention seeking is for lonely people and mental illness is lonely. What about the people that go to the emergency room every weekend drunk? Are they borderline? I don't think most would be yet they have to get that attention every weekend in England! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Fashiondiva you have misread what I am saying I know I am not a bad parent what I am saying is it is assumed if you have BPD that you are. Being a parent is the best thing I have ever done and I give my children the love I never had there is nothing hard about it, don't get me wrong I am not perfect I have my mood swings and my dark moments but I never take it out my children. Yeah I agree Madison a lot of people I think are more needy than borderlines, being needy isn't a problem for me unless things are really bad then I don't see it as being needy its just needing help or support, most of the time I cope just fine without needing anyone.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Addy the people that think they know about borderline and can say - "Bad parent, attention seeker, manipulative, liar, violent" They aren't worth listening they don't know borderline if that is what they think. It is a prejudice as much as in England where I live there aren't many black people. I don't eat chicken and rice every day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 I know Madison I just hate it when people assume something about people when they don't even know them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 I have watched many documentaries on the crime channel on those that kill and it makes me furious that these criminologists think that these killers have BPD so they class us as killers, Nice eh? I often wonder if I have BPD at all if we're to act in such ways.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 That's the way I feel Growlycat that's why I feel its not me, some things yeah I agree but some of the stuff definietly not.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tan19 Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 I hate the stigma The stigma is what is hurting me the most People read sites and see this whole list of traits saying I'm manipulative and evil and attentions seeking etc Then when I go to them for help or just to talk to suddenly they back off But not only do they back off they're nasty about it too I can't take it It is horrible, this is so lonely this disorder But once I get better I can't wait to prove everyone wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doormouse Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Some serial killers may have BPD. There is a good chance Princess Diana had it too. I am neither a psycopathic killer or royalty but I do have EUPD/BPD. I've read lots of stuff too - and find that there is a huge amount of ignorance about PD's in general, and especially about BPD. I just ignore the stuff which is hurtful, inaccurate, or which I just don't find useful (ie, it might apply to some sufferers but not to me) and keep what is useful. To say that all people with a diagnosis of BPD are the same is a bit like saying all people with epilepsy are the same. Which couldn't be further from the truth - epilepsy might be one diagnostic term, but it covers a huge range of symptoms, from a twitching finger to full blown tonic clonic seizures. I guess I just don't see that BPD is any different - and will correct people when they assume that it is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 I am so glad I posted this now, the stigma has always been a big issue for me I am so afraid I never tell anyone what I have only my partner knows and the mental health team. Ii am due to start group therapy soon for BPD so it will be good for me to meet others in rl with BPD, it is a horrible lonely disorder and I wish that people would treat us for who we are and not just assume we are a certain way because of a label.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamblue Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 I used to have a saying when i was younger because of the way i used to behave,i can be your best friend but i can be your worst enemy,i didn't understand then my behaviour,all i knew at a early age i was unloved alone and a very aggressive young boy,i was like this upto about the age of 28 when i had my first child with my first wife,but then from being a single male to someone that had always been in a unstable home into a marital home caused me no end of problems,i wasn't physically violent at the age of 28 i went into mentally violent,most people would use their fists against me using my mouth. Now what i am trying to say is,when i was younger i would rather have had my father around me and give me the odd clip around the ear instead of not being there one minute and being there the next,getting drunk going too prison beating my mum and so it went on and on,there are a few other things i saw as a young child that i don't want to get into right now,i actually didn't end up drinking or taking drugs or smoking,but i did end up if someone slightly rocked the boat of my marital home i was packed and running away as soon as,i have 2 lovely daughters now 16 and 18 and i never saw them grow up all becuase of my BPD,i am just glad my daughters didn't understand as they were so young why daddy kept on running away then returning a week later and a month later gone again. so i would take the odd beating anyday over mental torture of a young mind. Just my 2 pennies worth, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 ((((((((Siamblue)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 i have 2 lovely daughters now 16 and 18 and i never saw them grow up all becuase of my BPD, I think we have more control than that you didn't see your kids because you didn't know how to be a parent and you didn't take responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Just reading - That is messed up thinking. If i did drugs and drink,I would have an excuse for my behaviour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 I see this is going to be a - Maddison is being nasty thread again so I'll leave you be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamblue Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 No you are fine Maddison,please don't leave,i never knew how to be a parent because i wasn't brought up as a child,i was left to get on with things,i completely isolated myself from everyone,anyone that showed me any affection or talked to me,i was nasty to them so they would go away and i could live my miserable exsistence, i never ever told my mum i loved her until 3 days before she died at the age of 70 i was 35 years old and she actually said "Gary i always loved you but you would never let me get close" if i wasn't brought up as a child being nurtured and loved and cared for,instead of seeing what i did,what the hell chance did i have of being a good parent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamblue Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Just reading - That is messed up thinking. If i did drugs and drink,I would have an excuse for my behaviour It was meant to be tongue in cheek humour,not offensive too anyone.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 We all suffer from different levels of bpd. And we cannot judge eachother as it would make it as bad as the people without bpd judging us x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tan19 Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Siamblue I completly understand you " If i wasn't brought up as a child being nurtured and loved and cared for,instead of seeing what i did,what the hell chance did i have of being a good parent? " This is how I feel except take away the word parent and put girlfriend or friend in there I was never taught how to love I never received love in the right way so I've been forced to start from scratch. The thing is though we have no choice but to fix that ourselves, as unfair as it is, if we don't we will live our whole lives unhappy. I also understand what you said about wishing your dad had done anything but leave, With my mum I would rather she did anything but leave the way she used to. I feel the same way now which can cause unhealthy relationships. I am trying to break a lot of patterns that I have been taught and start from scratch! It's not impossible And I hope you will be able to too x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamblue Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Thannks Tan,i just wanted to state,i don't want to cause any problems on here it isn't my intention,i don't only suffer from BPD but other things as well, To this day i cannot love anyone or anything,i say the words but they are meaningless as i know i can walk away from anything.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 I always try to do the opposite of what my mother did she didn't love me or show me love she emotionally abused me my entire life until two yrs ago when we had a fall out. I think we can't blame our parents or anyone else for the choices we make I love my children and make sure they know that I make a point of giving them what I never had. Maybe some don't agree with this but we don't need to be shown how to be parents I wasnt shown love just abuse and I can love my children totally. If you know how it feels to be let down by a parent why would you do the same? Would you not do anything to make it different for your children? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tan19 Posted September 6, 2012 Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 Siamblue I don't think you have caused any problems x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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