ConfusedBoy18 Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 First things first - I suffer from both OCD and Manic Depression. This last year has been tough. The toughest year in my life I think. I've felt so unhappy and indifferent. I am incredibly worried I may be some sort of psychopath/child abuser/abuser. I don't know when this started, but it's driving me crazy. A friend of mine has a little girl, and I just don't find her cute. Not at all. I'm afraid I want to hurt her, but I can't work out if these feelings are real or not. I guess I'm not making much sense. I keep feeling like I'm just repressing my feelings, my true feelings, and they are about to explode. I'm so unbelievably unhappy. Every time I see a kid on the TV I get this feeling I want to hurt it, but these feelings totally contradict my personality and who I really am. I have violence and abuse, but I feel angry and confused. I don't like suffering but I feel as if I'm finding these thoughts/feelings pleasurable, but I'm bloody not. I'm dying inside. I'd rather die than be an abuser. I don't know if this is just down to stopping my medication or something else. I feel psychically sick and mentally deranged. It seems to be consuming my entire days, worrying about this. I worry about not being able to change, and being stuck like this. I want to love, not hate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 To my untrained eye, you don't sound like a psychopath to me. It sounds like you have a conscience. I think you are overthinking things. You are worrying about worrying. This must be distressing for you and it may be a feature of your OCD. We all feel anger, jealousy, guilt, embarrasment - these emotions are uncomfortable but they are part of what makes us human. If you feel you are about to explode then that sounds to me like a symptom of someone with anger issues. Its ok to feel angry, as long as you realise that you are responsible for your actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 Hi It does sound like this could be down to you stopping your meds...why did you stop taking them? Maybe you could see your GP sorry you're having such a hard time but as Data said and I agree it doesn't sound like you're a psychopath. I hope you have some support in real life x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natfredricks Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 Kids are very easy to hurt, but they have parents, who love them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tray Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 i think you should your gp, its very brave of you to post about this,i hope this forum can be of some help, take care x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 Sounds to me like u need to talk with.someone about these feelings as they just wont go away i agree a psychopath does not have a concience but you do. But please go and get help.with these thoughts emo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 if your worrying you might be a psychopath then you cant possibly be one. complete paradox. psychopaths dont worry about stuff like that. they just dont give a shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 You are so brave and honest with this. Definitely say this to your doctor maybe your meds need tweeked xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 IMO this is defo OCD, I posted something very simular a couple of years ago. Its intrusive thoughts, basically OCD takes one of the worst possible things you can think of and tells you, you are that thing, in your case an abuser/child abuser, psychopath ETC. It is very distressing, but hopefully you having the knowledge that this is an OCD trait should help a little. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 (((Confusedboy18))) Hello and welcome and very brave of you for being so honest in your post. As has been said, you have a conscience and I don't believe psycopaths do, so please do not fret on that front. Have you ever had these feelings before or is it sudden? Sounds like it could well be to do with sideeffects from coming off medication. Have you come off under supervision and do you have someone at hand medically who is monitoring the coming off meds? Please go and see your doctor as soon as you can to discuss what you have shared here. Pickle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 hope things are better for u n the long run Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 Hunni welcome this is a cool place and I agree with what has been said. It must be horrible to feel the way you describe I hope it goes soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 I admire your honesty. Welcome to the forums. I hope that you can seek help with this.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchemist Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 For the record i hope this is a troll. If not though the Everyman Project offers counselling to men who are abusive to either women or children 0207 263 8884 is their number. It is confidential unless you say you are going to hurt a child in the near future, they will not report you for saying you think about it. If you are genuine, call the number, see a doctor, get help. You need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 Alchemist I was just looking at this and thinking what a cool place that we all understand those scary intrusive thoughts and you post your piece. Hunni tell me you've not had bad thoughts? This person came here with honesty and needs kindness they are intrusive thoughts not plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchemist Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 Madison, i said nothing offensive did i? If it is a genuine post then i repeat - he needs help. That is a statement of fact, not a judgement. And i have never dreamt of hurting a child or a woman in life, and refrained from posting my opinion of those who do so. What more is expected of me? I gave an option for counselling, which is more than anyone else did, to help him. I will not however give words of comfort or understanding, as i have none for people who would hurt children. I kept my opinion to myself didnt i? There is little point to a site like this if all people do is say everything is acceptable. I have passed no judgement, and gave what help i could. What more could i have done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 Hunni you have passed judgement, suggesting a troll? Giving a number for people that feel dangerous? You gave no kind words for people that may hurt children? Hunni that is judging. I've 2 beautiful kids and I've suffered some terrible thoughts and I have never spanked them, very rarely raised my voice at them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 I've found you offensive on this topic because you are suggesting they are more than thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchemist Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 What kind words would you have me give maddison? (((hugs))) to the poor man who thinks about, by his own admission, hurting children? I do not care what anyone here thinks in truth, if i am the only who will say it, so be it. Anyone who thinks about seriously hurting children needs help. How can anyone disagree with this? I make no apology for not trying to understand him, he is far beyond my comprehension. There is a difference between being a parent who finds it hard to cope at times, and being a child abuser who thinks about hurting a child as he clearly stated he did. I repeat, he needs help, and fast. Such thoughts can lead to no good can they? Children cant defend themselves, he must act to stop himself from doing harm before it is too late. I see no point in mincing my words here, the situation is black and white, These are VERY dangerous things to think, and he said it was to do with a specific girl (amongst others) that he has these thoughts. As for my troll comment, i have seen such remarks before by them, and was simply pointing out that i hoped it was not genuine because of the harm that he could cause but gave what advice i could anyway. He needs help and probably to go back on medication. Your kind words and "all must be understood" attitude will be of little use once a child is in hospital or worse. Sometimes we have to say it like it is, but again, i gave NO personal opinion, you have incorrectly inferred one and implied that i did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 I see where you're coming from alchemist ( no likes left!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 I also see where you're coming from alchemist. I was so glad when I opened this thread to see so many supportive replies.. It is lovely to see that people can be honest and still receive support like this. I hope that you're able to get some support for what you're going through and the number that Alchemist has posted sounds like a really good starting point. Sounds like they would be able to listen and help, and seeing as you have no plans to harm anyone it sounds like a good option for you. Hope things improve for you and that you feel you can continue posting here if it helps too. Jenny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 (((Alchemist))) I can see where you are coming from too, I really can. I have erred on the side of believing that (((confusedboys))) posting is genuine and a real cry for help. If it is otherwise and you think it might be a troll then please contact the forum supervisor. If it isn't then I hope that (((confusedboy))) will take a note of the number you have left here for him, along with going to GP or MHT to talk about his very upsetting and distressing state of mind at the moment, which if genuine, he is asking for help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 No one came to be judged, dial the police if you're worried. If you don't want to be supportive you could always say nothing? Bananas I don't know where you came from hunni but you are around the whole time being contrary to every thing I write so I can't take you seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 Whatever your views please be respectfull,we dont call people trolls here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 FUCKING HELL guys... i really cannot believe this....I HOPE confusedboy is a troll because, if he is true (which i believe he is) he is gonna feel alienated and very hurt and 100% worse for being "brave". THOUGHTS ARE THOUGHTS nothing more nothing less, its the people that are not disturbed by there thoughts people need to worry about. Its not contemplating hurting children, an intrusive thought is not someone thinking "hmmm shall i go hurt a child or not" it is part of the brain malfunctioning and telling the person they are going to do something THEY ARE NOT GOING TO DO, and the reason they get that horrible thought is because the brain is playing tricks on them and making them feel they are the worst thing in the world. Anyone ever had a bad dream? anything gruesome? disgusting? because YOU are dreaming it, does it therefore mean u are going to carry that dream out? is a dream that different from a thought? PLEASE look up intrusive thoughts, i've been plagued by them all my life, and its people that insinuate that thoughts will turn to fact make me wanna die a slow and painful death... thankfully i have spoke to experts and non narrow minded people who understand how the brain plays tricks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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