lonelyheartemma Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 I've written this twice but my laptop thinks its funny to lose everything i've written so I'm doing it again. so this might be a shorter version but that might not be a bad thing. I didnt have the normal teenage experiences. i've never been on a date with someone from school, I didnt have friends at school. I've never been out shopping or clubbing with friends. I havent got one of those school pictures of me with my group of friends tho technicly the pic of me on my own counts as that. I havent had a childhood sweetheart unless the guy i was with all through infant school counts. so theres lots i've missed out on, i've been waiting since i was 10 if not younger and i realised today I think i'm still waiting now. Its like i cant move on with my life because i'm still waiting for things to happen. I cant get a job because that sounds so silly when theres so much i feel like i should have done 1st, it seems like years away, its something grown ups do. when I dream i'm usually younger. I daydream a lot about school and all the things i wish had happened but it happens in my night dreams too. I have lots of dreams that i'm still at school, lots of dreams about the people i was at school with tho they are usually nicer in my dreams, my dreams are actually making me more forgiving towards them. I dont think its really normal to dream about the past so much so i think thats another sign of being stuck. But those things arent going to happen and unless i stop waiting for them and just skip over that bit somehow i'm going to be waiting for them forever and then i'm going to miss out on loads of other things too, maybe even my whole life. I'm not totally sure where to start. some of the 21 year old things arent really possible. getting a job will be hard because of my physical limitations. I couldnt work 8 hours a day, i don't have the energy and my immune system is a problem. my GP is aware of all my problems and she will help with all of them but there are about 8 physical things wrong and probably all effecting each other so its a slow process. I kind of like the idea of a saturday job but my mum says they wont give a job like that to a 20 year old because theyd have to pay me more than a 16 year old But i'll tell my GP about this on wed when i see her. but I was wondering. people on here have said (and i've agreed) that my mum is trying to keep me young so i wont leave like my sister did and only visit about twice a year. but maybe i am so obviously imature she thinks stuff like moving out is too dangerous for me? and shes mean to me because she thinks it will make me grow up enough so she can let me go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin92 Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Hi, I can relate to some of the things that youve said. I didnt have the best experience at school either, I was always taken the piss out of by people, especially by guys and no guys EVER showed any interest in me. I never thought Id get a boyfriend in a million years. I was very, very quiet and a bit of a misfit so didnt really have many friends and eventually lost those friends. But despite all this, things did turn around and Ive had 3 boyfriends and met new friends and felt I really belonged in the group. If it can happen for me I know it can happen for you too, things will happen, I know its hard waiting but eventually they will. I think you should definitely go for it with the Saturday job, itll make you feel good if you get the job and you will feel youve achieved something great despite what your Mum says. Yeah perhaps your Mum is saying those things because shes afraid of letting go? It shows youre independent and grown up, and maybe your Mum is afraid of this happening? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Hunni it can be real hard work having a job and a home but I see no reason why you can't do this. Actually I do see why you can't, you can't because your mom says you can't! But you can hunni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 (((emma))) its nice to see you back but i'm sorry you feel stuck. i'm all sleepy so don't think i can reply much but just wanted to say its great how you are seeing things in a different way. about how by waiting for stuff you may actually miss out on other things happening. i can see how its difficult to create opportunities when you aren't well enough to work or move out. some other opportunities may come up in the future tho such as college or volunteering. as for your mum its hard to know why she is the way she is but what you say about her not wanting you to leave does sound like it might be accurate. i'm just sorry she's mean to you-you don't deserve that. also i don't think the daydreaming is bad or being stuck. i think its probably your minds way of processing some upsetting things and by doing so it'll help you move on from them. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted September 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hi, I can relate to some of the things that youve said. I didnt have the best experience at school either, I was always taken the piss out of by people, especially by guys and no guys EVER showed any interest in me. I never thought Id get a boyfriend in a million years. I was very, very quiet and a bit of a misfit so didnt really have many friends and eventually lost those friends. But despite all this, things did turn around and Ive had 3 boyfriends and met new friends and felt I really belonged in the group. If it can happen for me I know it can happen for you too, things will happen, I know its hard waiting but eventually they will. I think you should definitely go for it with the Saturday job, itll make you feel good if you get the job and you will feel youve achieved something great despite what your Mum says. Yeah perhaps your Mum is saying those things because shes afraid of letting go? It shows youre independent and grown up, and maybe your Mum is afraid of this happening? xxx thank you for replying I'm sorry it was like that for you but its really encouraging to know you came through that time and you were able to have friends and boyfriends. maybe it will be like that for me? I'll talk to my GP about the saturday job when I see her on wed, she might have some ideas its possible part of my mums problem is that shes a bit of a snob, boasts about her solicitor daughter, doesnt mention the one who messed up her gcses...doesnt want me living in a council flat, she'd rather buy one for me...when i told her i wanted to be a hairdresser she was like why don't you be a teacher instead? She wants me to have a boyfriend whos a graduate, i just want someone nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted September 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hunni it can be real hard work having a job and a home but I see no reason why you can't do this. Actually I do see why you can't, you can't biecause your mom says you can't! But you can hunni. It can be real hard work living where i am as well but you're right, there are worse options than staying where i am. if i had a horrible job and i lived in a really dodgy area I think i would be more unhappy than i am now. Its got to be a nice job and a nice house, even then i'm going to be tired all the time and depressed some of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted September 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 (((emma))) its nice to see you back but i'm sorry you feel stuck. i'm all sleepy so don't think i can reply much but just wanted to say its great how you are seeing things in a different way. about how by waiting for stuff you may actually miss out on other things happening. i can see how its difficult to create opportunities when you aren't well enough to work or move out. some other opportunities may come up in the future tho such as college or volunteering. as for your mum its hard to know why she is the way she is but what you say about her not wanting you to leave does sound like it might be accurate. i'm just sorry she's mean to you-you don't deserve that. also i don't think the daydreaming is bad or being stuck. i think its probably your minds way of processing some upsetting things and by doing so it'll help you move on from them. xxxx thank you Vivien its nice to see you too xxx I'm on the council housing list and soon i hope i'll get some more points to move me up the list but a lot of council houses won't be an option. My SW said i was being picky when i told her i didnt want to live in a dodgy area but just because i quite want to kill myself, that doesnt mean i should live somewhere where other people might do it for me! I really liked the hairdressing courses i did at college but I didnt feel able to talk to anyone, i just liked the hairdressing. but I would like to do more so maybe in the future. Volunteering would be nice if i could find somewhere that didnt act like they were doing my a favour by letting me work for them. maybe they are but they could pretend they apreciate my help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hey Em We haven't spoken in ages, I know i've not been on the site either, I total relate to alot of what you've said, I was asked a question about my childhood the other day I couldn't answer, I answered with "I don't remember" "What do you mean you don't remember?" Well I hated my childhood so much that I started living in my fantasy world from a young age, and as a result my fake life is the only one i remember, I shut out the real one so much that i erased the memories of it from my mind, I had a few of those experiences that you have missed but mine weren't pleasant, I had the girlfriend during upper school, I had some really shitty failed relationships but i suppose that yea i am glad i had the experiences even if they hurt me alot. I often think that one of the reasons i work in a school is to keep the school routine i've always had, so that i feel like i'm not growing up, its hard to think that i'm 26 and still living at home and still haven't moved forward with my life since i was 18, but I know there are huge parts of me that are terrified of change and of letting go of that past because i feel that there are so many things i never did during that time, I hope we're cool btw? you didn't reply to my last message to you so I thought maybe i'd overstepped the line or upset you and so I just left you be, but I thought i'd comment on your post and I hope your ok, I hope you still consider me a friend, maybe you could write a list of all the things you want to do, like people write a bucket list, maybe you could write an "adult list" of everything you need to achieve before you feel you have grown up and reached that next stage of your life, then we can start working on ticking things off that list wishing you well *hugs* Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hunni I am 100% you can do much more than you realize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 I think your post shows a lot of insight Emma, in picking out what might be - as you feel - holding you back. I like Robs idea of an 'adult list', I did something a little similar when younger and it can be very useful. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 thank you for all your replies Rob, Maddison and Silverwolf of course we are still friends Rob. I remember getting your email but i had no idea what to say in reply i'm sorry. I'm not very good at replying to emails. my mum emails me sometimes and i dont reply, i just walk upstairs and tell her the reply. how would an adult list work? I like the idea of it but theres no way i'm going to get those experiences, they wont let me go back to school and even if they did i couldnt really date the students except maybe the 6th formers. my GP says its too late to do the stuff i wanted to do, all i can do is have therapy to help me move on with it. what was on your list Silverwolf? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleCrumble Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 What sort of kid stuff would you like to do? I like the idea of an adult list... or like a 100 things before I die/bucket list. xxx Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans. --John Lennon http://bucketlist.org/recent/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted September 27, 2012 Report Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm glad we're ok hun, Well as i said I now work in a school, its not the same as being a student but it keeps a close enough routine that i don't have to move on, you could always look for school jobs, You don't really need to date a student, you obviously wished you had a bf at that time, but i think you need to maybe look at having your first relationship as something that you put on that adult list, inevitably the first person you date is likely to hurt you alot and its not likely to be your fairy tail happy ever after, but if you want the experience of your first love, you might also have to take your first heartbreak, as much as that sucks we'll be here to pick you up if that happens and help you get through it, I was so ill with depression over my first I couldn't eat without being sick and i was in hospital as i had lost alot of weight from not eating anything and constantly throwing up, every relationship since hurt me and re-opened the wound but i learned to cope better each time, I have the same feeling though about my teenage life, you know i never went to my school prom, I never went to a disco as a student, i've been as a staff member to supervise but i never went as a kid, I've never had an alcoholic drink, i've never been out to a club, all that stuff all my friends did and I never did because my MH gets in the way, There are some things we can never do, but there are some things that we still can, thats why i suggested the list, you write down what you want to do, and other people can either help you achieve it or find something similar you could do that might tick the box, or maybe confirm that yea this isnt possible anymore, at least then you have goals to work towards and a way to move forward. I don't even remember what i said to you in my email now it was ages ago, i'm glad we're still ok though, I am always here if you need anything you know that, :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 why does your first love mean getting hurt? my mum married her first love (my dad) and they are still married. when my sister split up with her 1st boyfriend he was the one who got hurt. I have had my heart broken by people who dont love me back. friends as well as romantic stuff. I'm not sure about bucket lists tbh because i would like to die. I know they are part of safe place on here, are they helpful? I want to find a boyfriend get married and have a baby. probably in that order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted October 12, 2012 Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 Thats a sensible order to want to do things in I didn't mean your first love HAS to be heartache, just that it can be, My First Love tried to Kill me (literally), Love is a wonderful thing and when it works out it makes life seem so much better and everything is awesome, But I didn't want to give you this false expectation that its also always wonderful there is a risk involved and you can get your heart broken, I just thought you should prepare for that possibility so that you can deal with it, if it happens, you are a wonderful and fantastic woman Emma and any man would be absolutely lucky to have you, I am sure you will make a fantastic girlfriend, wife and mother in your future, It worries me that you say you want to die, I know alot of people on here would be really sad if you were not here, you have alot of friends here who care about you and value you, I would feel gutted if you did something like that. *massive hugs* Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Hi there. Don't listen to your mum re. what you can and can't do. Lots of adults have weekend jobs becasue they can't work in the week due to childcare problems. Often employers prefer someone older at weekends because once the person has got the hang of the job they can give them more responsibility - like leave you alone over lunch breaks. They're not allowed to do that with a younger person. Go for it - you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Thank you Rob and Shadow girl thats really interesting about older people, i didnt know that. It makes total sense. Maybe I'll try the hairdressers and beauty place first, they might say no but its probably a good place to start as i've studied hairdressing a bit and i know a bit about beauty, i'm interested in both and theres no chance my mum will want to go to either place. If they arent interested maybe i could try a cafe. My mum says I wouldnt be able to cope with the stress in a cafe but how does she know? Maybe i'd be really good at it because i'm used to living with her! I've got no idea what real heartbreak feels like. my first boyfriend forced me to have sex with him but i didnt really feel heartbroken because i didnt love him. I thought he was creepy and too old for me. But I felt like he betrayed my trust and our friendship (I considered him a friend as well, he was at uni and i helped him write his essays which sounds mad, I read them and told him which bits sounded weird and which bits I didnt understand and he either explained to me or changed it, he got a first in the end) and i was gutted that I couldnt go to his house to get away from my mum or go to watch Cardiff with him. then some guy cheated on me and i felt so embarased but not heartbroken, actually quite relieved because I'd been wanting to break up with him for ages. I only really got hurt when i met the celebrities i loved and they didnt love me back. Tho tbh most of them were really friendly and nice, much nicer than they needed to be. tbh I'm more worried that i'll never fall in love with anyone because I like people before i meet them but as soon as i get to know them i dont like them as much. my daydreams are so big and so real, RL never measures up to them. Rob thats such a sweet thing to say about me being a good girlfriend, wife and mother. Thank you even if your wrong its nice that theres someone who thinks that xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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