successful_workthru Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 I've had trauma in the past and I have worries about the future. I suffered abuse and invalidation, but I know I'm valid and I also know I deserve respect. Like many others I am worried that welfare reforms will end in homelessness, due to my personal circumstances. I've sought advice but other than that, there is nothing I can do as I don't see any point in worrying about things I can't control. These days, I believe that dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future, actually made life more difficult for me. It burned up energy and left me feeling drained. I put my thoughts elsewhere, because I know my abusers will never change and that they had abuse themselves and are in more pain than me. I also know that I will gradually build up an alternative income and not lose my home. Why, then, if I have let go of the past, am I still waking up anxious and depressed? Still have my addictions, although that situation has improved?. Still having difficult relationships? still have suicidal thoughts (*note-not a risk at present), still feelgenerally pissed off? I know my verbal abuse was full of lies, and I know why my abusers lied. I no longer beleive anything negative that was planted in my head all those years ago, and when negativities from the past come up, I know they are false. This site http://discussingdis...esolved-trauma/ gives a list of signs of unresolved trauma. Why, if I have let go of my past, am I still showing signs of un-resolved trauma? I am not in denial of what happened, and I have acknowledged all of the negative feelings associated with the abuse. I have mouned the loss, and shared my feelings with others. I see no point in re-playing a tape in my head that I already know. I know the reason why I was abused and I know that reason had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with my abusers' insecurity. I acknowledge the effect the abuse has had on my life, and am moving on, gradually improving every day. The fact alone, that I am improving every day gives me more confidence and security. I pity my abusers but I donn't hate them. I acknowledged my anger and expressed it in more healthy ways. Self harm happend when I did not let anger out in healthy ways. I acknowledge that they will never see things the way I did, because their great fear prevents them. Why, then, if I have let go of the past, am I still showing signs of un-resolved trauma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 could it be that you have so many years of behaviour to unlearn that sometimes your initial reaction to something is still the old dysfunctional one... cos that's what i think happens to me sometimes... like i am so set in the bad ways that sometimes something happens and i react in the old way rather than use the new healthier ways of dealing with life's shit... it is easy for me to sit back and say that i have accepted this and that and that i am a wonderful person when times are calm, but when the shit hits the fan all that new stuff goes out the window... if it is, i think (well i hope) that it gets easier with time and practise and that one day the new healthy way of dealing with shit will replace the old way as the natural automatic reaction... old habits are tricky to break... hope that makes sense - can't do words very well atm... xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 just to add that i have "cue cards" with some of my coping mechanisms and positive affirmations that i keep to hand and when i realise that i have been caught in a pickle, i refer to these and sometimes i can catch it before it takes hold too much... obviously sometimes i cant catch it in time and i do get all caught up in the cycle, and then it is harder to get out, but the times this happens is decreasing albeit not as quickly as i'd hoped lol but it IS getting better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autism-bpd Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 its your bodies way of trying to heal from what happened. It is doing that to me, I am unable to move on but my body way of trying to heal . we cant get over something traumatic straight away it takes time and thats what doing with u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 it takes time to heel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted October 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 Thanks for all of your posts. When I realised that my abuse had nothing to do with me, and when I realised that my abusers were more to be pitied than scoffed, a lot of bitterness and resentment fell away. My response to the abuse was what bothered me mostly, because I stayed in the abusive family home until I was 25 and got verbally abused right up until I moved away in 2000. I realise now, however, that it was pointless to be pissed off with myself because being pissed off with myself got me nowhere. There is a safe distance between me and my parents now, and I very rarely speak to them, so the abuse has finally stopped. I felt a sense of releif when I finally realised that I had done nothing to deserve the abuse and that it wasn't my fault. I also felt relief when I realised why my abusers felt the need to abuse. I just don't know where my energy, enthusiasm and motivation have gone. I cold turkeyed valium three and a half years ago, but I shoudl be ok now, because I went back on them and have tapered down all the way from 15mg to 3mg. I did have bad anxiety and depression but they have subsided now, I can't imagine that this would still be a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 6, 2012 Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 just thought of something else - again to do with me - but could fit you too... i couldnt do CBT cos basically although i BELIEVED something, i didn't FEEL it... usually, damage has been done to a person on all 4 planes, so healing has to happen on all 4 planes too - emotional, mental, physical and spiritual... here is something i posted in my blog a bit ago... may help, may not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 Thanks, did you do that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 yeah... part of my coursework for a certificate i did on codependency as a distance learning thing as part of my own recovery! there is actually more to it than that most people grow up with the following: rigidity silence denial isolation these have to be transformed into flexibility expression acceptance intimacy and work must be done on all 4 planes for each transformation... sounds complicated so i will try and attach a document which makes it clearer and also gives examples of things that can help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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