What Stops You From Suicide ?

[donnam]

have started my positives list, bought a new book for positive stuff only

[Cooky Ducky]

Hi Annielou I liked the song so much I bought the album. It came yesterday and I listened to it all the way to and from group therapy it helped distract me on the way there and ring me round for driving home.

so thanks for that too it wil be a regular one I listen to now

Cooky Ducky xx

[Tray]

i have been feeling very low the last few weeks and suicidal, more so than normal. normally i can sh and it helps distract away from it, but these last few weeks i have been conteplating suicide a lot. the only thing that has stopped me so far is Keera, mart and my best mate Tina, it would destroy them and i cant do that to them, but i am scared that the lower i am getting i will do something stupid in the heat of the moment. i am going to see my poc today to get help x

[Elke]

Suicide is a by-product of feelings of powerlessness.

The thing that can stop us from feeling suicidel is to find out what has taken our power away and empower ourselves.

Abuse experiences can take away our power, but if we remind ourselves that the abuse was nothing to do with us, and everything to do with our abusers, who abused because they felt powerless, it can remind us that we were never powerless and our feelings of powerlessness springs from someone elses feelings of powerlessness, so these powerlessness feelings are not ours.

I agree with you, sw, that it comes from a feeling of powerlessness. But I dont agree that our abusers feel powerless. I am having suicidal thoughts all the time. And it is because I live in a world around people that have no RESPECT and love to beat someone like me who feels powerless and weak, to the pulp.

[Elke]

I'm the same as Bananas,My kids stop me however last week I hit rock bottom and bought 3 packets paracetamol and I was ready take them but I reached out for help instead and I think it was my first time ever I asked for help.x

Paracetamol......I read it is is a horrible death. Have you ever googled it?

[Elke]

What stops me? The only thing that stops me, is the method. I may be a coward, but I cant imagine jumping from a bridge onto the highway and getting my bones crushed, or ergo jumping in front of a train. I have, though, searched for a hard wall in which I can get a high speed to crash against, but havent found one yet. I dont want to die in pain. I just want to fall asleep and have my heart and organs collapse. And me not knowing it. Something like "Whitney Houston".

I od´d just last week, but I know the pills I am taking will never make it possible. And as usual woke up after a day.

My family? No, I wouldnt think about them suffering. Because they seem to suffer more from me being around than gone. I told my mom last week I am going to commit suicide. She called me two days later, only for the curiosity to see if I was still "alive". She said she cried fro two days.

I think it would be a relief for my family if I wasnt here anymore.

And that may be the only thing that is keeping me alive. I have hope and have been given this advice from my T, to just get in my car and drive away. Not to worry about taking the responsibility for getting my stuff out of my apartment. Let my "loving" family do it.

[Elke]

I have noc hance in this society. No chance.

[yvette]

So have I elke parecetomal is definitely not the way to go. Long and painful xx

[yvette]

I think distance from your family is the answer elke. They are draining the life out of you x

[successful_workthru]

i have been feeling very low the last few weeks and suicidal, more so than normal. normally i can sh and it helps distract away from it, but these last few weeks i have been conteplating suicide a lot. the only thing that has stopped me so far is Keera, mart and my best mate Tina, it would destroy them and i cant do that to them, but i am scared that the lower i am getting i will do something stupid in the heat of the moment. i am going to see my poc today to get help x

Sorry you are feeling so low.

I like it that you are going to get help from your pdoc.

[successful_workthru]

Hi Elke

Perfecting the method was once a reason that stopped me from committing suicide.

I hope you never find that hard wall, because I don't want to see you give up on this life.

I m really sad to hear that you od'd, regardless of whether or not you thought pills would work. You r OD shows that you need support from someone who has your interests at heart.

I do believe that your mum cried for two days because what mother wouldn't.

I think it would probably finish your mum off if you committed suicide.

Your therapist advised you to get in your car and drive away?

I hope we can give you some support online but I would love you to go to your doctor and tell him just how you are feeling.

Please take good care of yourself while you are feeling this vulnerable.

[Elke]

I think distance from your family is the answer elke. They are draining the life out of you x

I dont know bananas. I need my mom. I see in her the only real support and person I trust. And thats a big problem. Because she has Alzheimers and - partly still, but more less she isnt able to. We got close too LATE in life, and with my luck it was the same with my dad. They are dying. I now feel I am draining the life out of her. We went out to eat on Saturday. I was in a bad state and felt she is till my old mom. I cried my sorrows out to her, and then felt better. She did was still able to give me a bit more objective views on things I had experienced, which I really appreciate. But her illness came through. She was disoriented, although I had told her 5 times where we were going, she felt we had driven further away and past the town. We sat in a tavern directly on the riverbank and ships came by and she said how nice it all was. Then on the way home, she said we hadnt even seen any ships. She has her "clear" moments, and then for example, she began playing with her meds and getting them all mixed up. My niece (probably upon request from my sister) just walked in the door. (Didnt try to talk sense with her, like I do) and just grabbed all her medication without saying a word and walked out the door. Since then, a nurse comes twice a day and gives her her meds.

Here are two different views of my mom. My niece and sister see she is messing up, dont fuss around and just take things away from her. I could NEVER do that. I have too much respect for her, she is still my mother. I have been bitched out for doing what she said once, which was telling me to get lost when we had an argument in a cafe. And that she would drive home alone in a cab. I respected this. When she tells me to get lost, I leave. If it is true or not, she told my sister I left her sitting there and she was crying because she didnt know why. I got so bitched out by my sister for being a sensitive mimose.

So I am wondering if my judgement of her is unrealistic. I sometimes cant and dont want to believe I am losing her. And some days she is mentally still able to have a normal conversation with.

I dont even know, but suspect I am in a black and white thinking and may be splitting. Maybe there are days I idolize her and she is able to "be" the mom I trust for support. Then there are days I notice her illness and treat her like she is "dumb". Like today when she said it was so dark. I told her (what I have read about Alzheimer) to make sure the home is lit up enough. So I told her to turn on all the lights if its too dark. But I said it in a way like: "You cant think straight anymore and cant realize that the dark time of the year is coming - dummy". She began arguing with me and I got wrapped up in an argument. Then remembered reading not to argue with Alzheimer patients. So I left, and felt exhausted.

And my motive for going up to her in the first place, was because I had just had a bad experience and felt the need to talk to her about it.

Even in the midst of my action, I was disgusted with myself. I told myself, this is what I get from moving down here so close to my mom. I cant even keep myself from walking past her door without going up and whining when something bad happens to me.

sw, do you have a pdoc? You advise me to tell them how I feel. In my experience, they dont give a damn how I feel. I have a pdoc atm who gives me 5 minutes. And there arent left in Heidelberg, because I have been through them all.

And withdrawal clinic is 10 times worse. I am too sick for a clinic. If I feel bad in there, I get told I am getting on their nerves and to leave them alone because it makes their blood-pressure go up.

[Elke]

Sorry, I got a bit off topic.

[yvette]

So sorry to hear about your mothers illness its a very nasty cruel cruel illness x I really don't know what to say. You are obviously treating her very well though difficult circumstances. All I can offer is a hug x

[yvette]

Your mother is there for you to talk your worries too. Unfortunately as parents get older or unwell roles are reversed. Just enjoy and remember those little snippets of good times with her x

[Fanta]

I'm the same as Bananas,My kids stop me however last week I hit rock bottom and bought 3 packets paracetamol and I was ready take them but I reached out for help instead and I think it was my first time ever I asked for help.x

Paracetamol......I read it is is a horrible death. Have you ever googled it?

I can't say I have googled it but when I was suicidal I wasn't thinking about how bad it would be.x

[yvette]

It can be a long painful death days or weeks I think x

[successful_workthru]

I think distance from your family is the answer elke. They are draining the life out of you x

I dont know bananas. I need my mom. I see in her the only real support and person I trust. And thats a big problem. Because she has Alzheimers and - partly still, but more less she isnt able to. We got close too LATE in life, and with my luck it was the same with my dad. They are dying. I now feel I am draining the life out of her. We went out to eat on Saturday. I was in a bad state and felt she is till my old mom. I cried my sorrows out to her, and then felt better. She did was still able to give me a bit more objective views on things I had experienced, which I really appreciate. But her illness came through. She was disoriented, although I had told her 5 times where we were going, she felt we had driven further away and past the town. We sat in a tavern directly on the riverbank and ships came by and she said how nice it all was. Then on the way home, she said we hadnt even seen any ships. She has her "clear" moments, and then for example, she began playing with her meds and getting them all mixed up. My niece (probably upon request from my sister) just walked in the door. (Didnt try to talk sense with her, like I do) and just grabbed all her medication without saying a word and walked out the door. Since then, a nurse comes twice a day and gives her her meds.

Here are two different views of my mom. My niece and sister see she is messing up, dont fuss around and just take things away from her. I could NEVER do that. I have too much respect for her, she is still my mother. I have been bitched out for doing what she said once, which was telling me to get lost when we had an argument in a cafe. And that she would drive home alone in a cab. I respected this. When she tells me to get lost, I leave. If it is true or not, she told my sister I left her sitting there and she was crying because she didnt know why. I got so bitched out by my sister for being a sensitive mimose.

So I am wondering if my judgement of her is unrealistic. I sometimes cant and dont want to believe I am losing her. And some days she is mentally still able to have a normal conversation with.

I dont even know, but suspect I am in a black and white thinking and may be splitting. Maybe there are days I idolize her and she is able to "be" the mom I trust for support. Then there are days I notice her illness and treat her like she is "dumb". Like today when she said it was so dark. I told her (what I have read about Alzheimer) to make sure the home is lit up enough. So I told her to turn on all the lights if its too dark. But I said it in a way like: "You cant think straight anymore and cant realize that the dark time of the year is coming - dummy". She began arguing with me and I got wrapped up in an argument. Then remembered reading not to argue with Alzheimer patients. So I left, and felt exhausted.

And my motive for going up to her in the first place, was because I had just had a bad experience and felt the need to talk to her about it.

Even in the midst of my action, I was disgusted with myself. I told myself, this is what I get from moving down here so close to my mom. I cant even keep myself from walking past her door without going up and whining when something bad happens to me.

sw, do you have a pdoc? You advise me to tell them how I feel. In my experience, they dont give a damn how I feel. I have a pdoc atm who gives me 5 minutes. And there arent left in Heidelberg, because I have been through them all.

And withdrawal clinic is 10 times worse. I am too sick for a clinic. If I feel bad in there, I get told I am getting on their nerves and to leave them alone because it makes their blood-pressure go up.

Hi Elke,

No, I don't have a pdoc.

The fact that you have no support worries me, because everyone has the right to support and it is saddening, that in the real world, this is not happening.

Yes, you are too sick for a clinic, you are right, it would make you a hell of a lot worse.

I don't blame you for feeling unsuported because I would too, but I would hare to see this lack of support cost you your life.

[DorianK]

Hi guys. I just signed up for the forums recently, and I came across this post and thought I'd add my two-cents worth, if I can.

Initially, the discussion was "What stops you from suicide", which is a very hard topic for many people, even for us. I could easily say "go to people you trust" or "find support with friends and family", but when we are in that dark, dark hole, far removed behind our collective walls, there is no one we can talk to, for one reason or another. We feel secluded, empty and alone even though - logically - that doesn't make any bit of sense.

So, with a selfish heart, we have to look to ourselves to get us out from that spot. Something I learned from the hospital (I was hospitalized four times before understanding what I have), was something that I use:

During your lucid moments, the times that you are aware and above water, ask your friends to write a short letter or note to tell you why they think that you are fantastic. This isn't meant to boost your ego in any way, but a reassurance for when you slip. You can read these letters and it might help to act as buoys to keep you afloat. Also, put these letters into a shoe box, or something nearby. In there, put perhaps a CD compilation of positive music, or perhaps a few items that make you smile. I find that I use these items more times than I would like to admit, but it helps keep me connected to people. And even when I feel that I've let these people down, I think that I'll let them down more if I ... commit to my "plan". Because no matter how dark the skies get, no matter how deep the water is, or how thick that wall is around you, you aren't ever alone, and these items - hopefully - will keep you anchored to what is important.

Also - and this is for one of the more recent comments - it is important to weed the negativity from your life, one way or another. I had to move to two different cities to get away from toxic people. I had to tell my parents exactly what they were doing to me with their decades of guilt trips. None of that was easy, but my life has gotten considerably better because of it.

I'm sorry if I deviated from the current subject, but I wanted to just put up my thoughts. Thanks.

[Steveturtle]

when your mind hit with suicide then take a step back and separate your emotions from your actions for the moment.

• Recognize that depression and hopelessness can distort your perceptions and reduce your ability to make good decisions.
  
• Realize that suicidal feelings are the result of treatable problems.
  
• Act as if there are other options instead of suicide, even if you may not see them right now.
  

[successful_workthru]

If you find that the mental health services cannot help you due to the economic crisis, there ARE other organisations who can help you.

I got discharged from mental health services when I was still very vulnerable and fragile.

Fortunately, a member of staff at Doorway (a place I attend on a thursday which gives lunch to homeless/lonely/vulnerable people) put me onto a bloke called Chris who had come to Doorway that day as do many other helping organisations.

Chris was from Keyring, an organisation for vulnerable adults who are housed. They assessed me, put me on a waiting list for two weeks and a vacancy came up. I now have a keyworker who supports me, and I can go to him with any problems.

Just when I was feeling despairing and hopeless, this oppoprtunity came up and I am ever grateful.

I never even knew Keyring.org existed.

I repeat again, another invaluable organisation is the Samaritans. They are ALWAYS willing to listen if I tell them I want to speak about my feelings. This is such a great release and stops me from self harming.

[ILostHer]

If I didn't have a child I would have gone years ago. I do sit and think to myself that I should have done it before I had my child. I also think is there an ok time to do it but the answer I keep coming up is no.

It's horrible being trapped in world that you don't have any desire to be in, one that you are desperate to leave.

[successful_workthru]

If I didn't have a child I would have gone years ago. I do sit and think to myself that I should have done it before I had my child. I also think is there an ok time to do it but the answer I keep coming up is no.

It's horrible being trapped in world that you don't have any desire to be in, one that you are desperate to leave.

Can you somehow 'un-do the things that are trapping you' so you can enjoy your life?

It's really sad to hear you feel trapped here.

I hope it improves for you because we only get one life.