Christine001 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 I just can't sleep, either get to sleep or stay asleep. I am exhausted. I am now scared of going to gp as they dont know me and I hate seeing any sort of medic, I am finding it hard to work. It really difficult because I can;t control it, my body just won;t help me cope with living. I am exhausted/ oh time to get the children up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 hi christine, this is something I am having trouble with too, some nights I can't sleep at all other nights I get 2 hours sleep, My pdoc has just prescribed me diazepam and they are helping me a little, I know it is daunting going to your GP but you need some rest otherwise you will get so unwell mentally like I did I hope that you are able to see your GP soon.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 we're all here for you christine, pm me any time if you ever need a friendly ear to bend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 (((christine))) I hope you are able to sleep tonight xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Hunni I agree with Growly 100%. You need some help, please reach out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 I am not reaching out as it comes to nothing when you do and makes it worse, I am able to do this by myself always have and always will. If I didnt have kids I would kill myslef right now but at the very least my life will have been for something trying to be a good enongh mum. poor kids they dont deserve such a shit mum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 your not a shit mum. you care for your children, you provide for them and you try...thats all anyone can do, you can't help your health. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 I am a shit mum but I know I am their only one and I can help my health, I just have had enough I give up too easily I am not a ifghter like many people on here, but thanks debbie I am not getting at you I am angry with myself and I wish I hadnt been born. If I could find a way of dying without hurting them I would its a catch 22, probably for the best because I deserve to live this hell for being such a pathetic useless human being, people have cancer have horrific traima and I have a good life and I want to wallow in this shit, I am a total waste of space, coming on a forum and splurtting out this rubbish should not eb allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Hunni you don't choose to feel like you do, it is an illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Christine, I can tell you that I feel the same I am only living for my kids, My kids mean the world to me, You're a good mum if you weren't then you wouldn't be thinking about them, You deserve the help and support Christine, I went years without asking for it and suffered too, I know it is hard reaching out but please get yourself the help that you truly deserve.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Christine please get some help. I've felt like you many a time. But you are ill and you can't do this by yourself and you owe it to your children to get the medical help you need. You are not a shit mum but a very poorly one and just cause no one can see your illness doesn't mean its not horrific and debilitating. X huge hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 really its not so bad as I a make out I am just ranting on here, truely there is nothing medically that they can do,its up to me to change my attitude, its not an illness in my view but a state of mind which I am choosing. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted October 17, 2012 Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 If only it was a state of mind x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted October 17, 2012 Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 know the feeling christine hun but it is an illness and not something you can just snap out of. you cant help how you feel no one would choose to feel as shit as you do hun. big strong hugs for you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 Its my kids, the house is a mess, I am struggling to make meals, I have been off sick 2 days. I just can't keep on like this. what would gp do? nothing and I just cant get there anyway. tommorrow might be ok . i just advertised for a cleaner as its just not fair to the kids even if I hate hate people in the house. i struggle so much its just too much. :crying: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 shit put an ad on guntree and had 4 repies already but cant actually phone them up or have them in the house, maybe next week crap I am even when I try I cant do it.lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 17, 2012 Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think the idea of a cleaner is great but I would be nervous arranging it too. Once it is arranged though think how nice it will be to come home to a ready cleaned home? Are you taking anti depressants? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted October 17, 2012 Report Share Posted October 17, 2012 Hi Christine, really sorry to see you struggling so. I also stay alive for my kids, and all those I know I would hurt. The feeling of wanting to end it all can be so strong. Sleep is so important, one night without and I start to go off the rails. Have you tried anything like Nytol (don't know how to spell that) ? Think it exists in UK. Another herb that can help is Valerian. I also try and do some wind down things like turning lights down low, having a bath, reading a book. Sometimes tensing my muscles and then letting them go can release the tension in the body and make it easier to sleep. If things are really bad I take zopiclone, but very rarely. If worries are keeping you awake could you write what's bothering you down and try and expell it that way? Just suggestions, i know they are not easy to do. I think it's a great idea to have a cleaner, and also think you are quite brave for advertising. Something I don't think I could do. If I had one I'd have to clean before he/she came to not feel so embaressed about my messy house . You are not a shit mum I'm sure, It's evident you care about your kids otherwise you wouldn't be looking for solutions to help your family. It souds like you really need someone to care for you, but if you need that you have to do the scary thing and reach out. I don't think you can measure you pain against anothers. Everybodies pain is different what you can tolerate others couldn't and vice versa. Keep strong . I haven't been around for a long while but I will try to help if I can. Take care Bumble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 thanks bumble and all, today I am still off sick, took quetiapine to sleep and have a thick head now,both my children are at home, both very tired but still its mainly due to me not getting up and motivating them to get up. First time this has happened, I have 15 replies to my cleaning ad, oh boy was expecting 1 oe 2 and now I have to sift through them and am not in a state to do this as so tired. I must make more effort today really its mainly fatigue as I feel ok mentally today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Good luck hunni! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2012 going to try to tidy the house today, though my daughter says I am like Marge Simpson who in one episode of the simpsons cleaned the house before the cleaner came. I think even Homer wouldnt put up with the mess in this house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 20, 2012 Report Share Posted October 20, 2012 Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted October 20, 2012 Report Share Posted October 20, 2012 I know when I'm feeling better and that's when I start tidying up again. Maybe a good sign xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2012 I did the kitchen, whats feeling better like ? coz I dont know seriously I dont know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vessyb Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 oh Christine... its such a shit place to be isnt it? i am so soo tired and i have been struggling with mental health problems since 1992 and i dont know if i have much more fight left. you get to feeling so trapped... at times i feel squashed into a cupboard of pain and despair and i cant see a way out of it and I HATE IT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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