angel tears Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 Hi I have been attending a therapy group now for over 6 years. In that time i have made some good progress but i have been struggling with the fact that the therapist was getting too involved in my care and that it wasn't a healthy relationship any longer. It all seemed to start when i had trouble with my children and i was fighting social services to try and get my baby back. My therapist went way over the mark. She gave me her personal mobile number to contact her out of hours if i needed any advice. At the time i was quite isolated and i took the offer and contacted her for extra support even though we shouldn't have been doing that. Over time it became a regular pattern. I would need some extra support and she always provided it. In a crisis or if i was struggling at the time with an abusive relationship she would ring me and speak to me, helping me to calm down when i was anxious. When it came to fighting for my daughter she got very involved and wanted to attend the meetings to help back me up. I thought that this was a good thing as i had somebody else helping me to fight....... but also at the same time she asked me to keep the extra support quiet as she could get sacked for it or suspended. At times she gave me advice which made things worse....... she hid when i was in potential danger etc and then when she decided to tell other professionals she asked me not to tell anybody that she had known for longer. My case didn't end well with my baby and i couldn't get her back....... i was struggling with how i felt and i attended group. As soon as i mentioned that i was struggling listening to other ladies discussing their children i couldn't cope and left the room. Things got heated with me and another member and i left, we both had harsh words to say and i haven't been back. I felt very confused when i left because all of the help has vanished. My therapist is wanting me to end group and be discharged yet i feel quite angry and bitter. I partly feel guilty for letting this go on for so long. I guess being lonely didn't help me and i knew that it was not professional behaviour for her to get so involved. Now i am left with no support. I have asked my g.p to refer me back to my cpn but i feel so angry about what has happened between me and the therapist. Has anybody else had a relationship that has gone over the boundaries?, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 I've had a few experiences where I've questioned what motives a professional has had but not to the extent you've experienced. If you were in a group and can't cope with members talking about their kids (understandably in your situation), what can help you now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 I think I wouldn't complain about this person, you both know she did the wrong thing and could lose her job, her motives were good. Hopefully she has learnt not to act this way again and you don't have to start a complaints procedure which could be real upsetting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 Yes i do agree with you, i know that her motives were only good. Just feel a bit lost as to what could help me now. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 The fct she told u not to tell means she knew she was breaking the rules and this is very unprofessional. I know you wouldnt want to report her but its no wonder u feel angry. You need further help and glad u have been refered to a cpn Maybe u need to speak to yiur therapist about how this has made u feel...i dunno but obv group doesnt help you sorry im not much help i had a similar thing many yrs ago. Got close to a therapist she gave me her home number and yeah boundaries were crossed but it was the professional that crossed them in the first place and now i will never get as close again. It took me a while to be able to find another t and not get in the same mess. The ones that go iver the boundaries are breaking rules by letting it happen nit you. They should no better. Ive recently left another t cos they were trying to go over boundaries. Big warning signs.....there are others out there that would never do this and they are the ones to be trusted. Imo ones that go over boundaries should not be trusted. Yours did wrong telling u not to tell anyone things and put u in diff situations. Not professional at all....can do more damage as you have found Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 Hi I'm sorry this happened to you.. I can understand how painful and confusing it must be for you. I have had a similar (although very different) experience. I went to a therapist 2 years ago and found that in between sessions she'd text me to see how I was doing. I loved it. Really loved it. Of course I'd reply and eventually we got to talking on the phone in between sessions. I grew to be very dependent on it. Eventually I think she realised boundaries had been crossed and she tried to get them back in place by telling me we couldn't text/phone anymore. It felt like a massive abandonment to me and unfortunately I got very desperate and ended up lying horrificly to her in order to maintain her attention. It worked for a few months and she went well above her duty of care, phoning me most evenings and really nurturing me. Unfortunately though, it was largely based on lies as I felt I needed to keep her attention and this was the only way I could see of doing it... I'm so ashamed of what I did. However, my CPN maintains that it was down to her to keep her boundaries. I kept trying to tell my CPN that it was I who pushed things and lied, etc. but CPN still maintains that regardless of what I did, her job is to maintain boundaries. She started off by texting me and offering me more than the once weekly sessions then tried to take it away from me and in a sense it's normal that I found that difficult. I do realise that doesn't excuse me lying, but there is some logic in it. I loved the nurturing. I loved that she would phone me and seemingly care for me more than her other clients. But actually in the end it did more harm than good. In the end I was left very upset (it ended very, very badly) and abandoned.. I can fully understand she thought she was doing right for me. She really was doing her best.. she obviously did care, but at the same time it was down to her to maintain boundaries. There was no way our relationship was going to have a happy ending, and I knew that. Painful. Anyway, sorry to hear that boundaries have been broken with you too. I really wish I had some words of wisdom or that could help but I do know how painful it can be. To feel like you have someone's attention, to feel they care, etc. then to lose that suddenly. Thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 26, 2012 Report Share Posted October 26, 2012 i hope you can get refered back to your c p n soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted November 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Hi Thanks for sharing your experiences with me, i guessed that i would find others out there in similar situations. I can admit that now i feel quite abandoned etc by her but i also had a long hard think with myself about it and i too knew that it wouldn't end happily. It seems so easy for them. They go back to their work and i was left feeling very angry and hurt on top of losing my baby i felt like i had lost somebody that i trusted. I haven't been discharged yet. I am meeting her to discuss what to do next as i told her that i felt like leaving as it didn't seem healthy anymore. I wen't straight back to the g.p and asked him if i could see somebody in the mental health team for a review. Part of me feels like moving on now, too much water has gone under the bridge and i feel like i can't do anymore work there. People have become frustrated with me and i have with them. My therapist is being professional again now. We hardly have any contact and when i tried i was ignored. I feel like i have given up there after feeling so hurt but i always thought that it was wrong anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Not good with words tonight but I'm sorry you feel as you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted November 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Thanks hun xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 just out of interest, is this an NHS T? xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted November 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Yes she is from the NHS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 I think your really self-aware and well genrally aware to notice what was going on, I think I would have got REALLY sucked in and not have even noticed she was crossing boundaries. So, I think you should be proud of yourself that you can see it so clearly and you haven't let your emotions cloud the truth. I can imagine how painful it must feel, it hurts an awful lot leaving a therapist anyway let alone someone who has almost made themselves come across as friend/defender/therapist. I really hope this doesn't tar the progress you have made. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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