ILostHer Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 It turned out that my son was groomed, a lot more went on than just the one sexual assault, he believes he is in love, he doesn't eat and cannot sleep in his room. I hate her. It's now going to court because she pleaded not guilty so I hope she goes to prison. I am in crown court after Christmas, I suspect I will get suspended sentence. I am back on clonazepam, the 6-8 weeks without it were horrendous, I never thought withdrawal would feel so bad. They want me off it again but I am on 8 mg a day so they are going to do it slowly instead of cold turkey again. The council have moved us, we move in November, to get away from that woman. It will be nice not to see her in the street. I still have my cpn for a few weeks, until they find me a new one. And I have CAT therapy until I get a new one. Then that's it. It will all be down to the new cpn and my psych. I have borrowed money from my aunt to get a skin graft for my arm so that I can stop using the acid, I've made such a mess that the surgeon said there was no option except skin graft. I feel like such an idiot and bad that there are burn victims that don't choose. I can't afford to move, I don't know how to pay the removal company. Life is odd, I am taking all my antil psychotics etc so it feels kind of nothing...like nothing exists. My son starts testosterone in Feb so that my daughter has gone, that's the biggest thing that hurts, disturbs and grieves me. Any way sorry if this is pointless, just thought I would update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 (((ILH))) My thoughts are with you hun.Don't really know what else to say.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thinking of you too lovely, I'm sorry things are feeling so nothing right now. You know where to find me if you need someone to talk to, big hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ihateme Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 It's not pointless. You are hurting so bad and it saddens me to read it. I hope the inhuman person that hurt your son, gets what she deserves. I also hope your move goes well and you and your family can get past this terrible time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 Hunni sorry you are in pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 so sorry hun. so much pain i really hope there's some good things in your life too hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted October 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thank you everybody. The house move is a positive thing. A new fresh start. The rest is a bit of a daily nightmare, but it will be over soon. I just want some justice for this as this will make all the other injustices for us right. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 really hope you both get justice xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 I didn't think it was pointless at all, it was great to hear how you are getting on. Moving can be a fresh start, but its also stressful. Do you have any friends or family that can help you move? Last time I moved it was only half a mile so we rented a van and my father-in-law helped out. Its not that expensive to rent a van for the day. I have heard from many people that benzo addiction is difficult so I hope you have a nice slow taper on your clonazepam. There is no rush to get off it, is there? I hope all the legal stuff works out well for you and that in the long run your son can get some perspective on what has happened (it may be a few years before he gets to that stage though). I am glad you are having the CAT therapy to make sure you have some support. It sounds like you need it at the moment, you have a lot of stress in your life on top of your mental health problems. Is the acid a type of self-harm? Or is it amateur tattoo removal? You say you feel nothing on your antipsychotics... maybe they are not meant to make you feel anything in particular. They are there to stop you feeling really bad. Edit: I've just had a check on the equivalency of clonazepam [http://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm] 8mg a day of clonazepam = 160mg a day of diazepam I think thats a very high dose so I'm not surprised that you were having problems with 'cold turkey'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ihateme Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 Is your son still living with you, or has this person got him? I hope that when you go to court, justice is done, for the right person. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you defending your child, your flesh and blood, your love. I just don't see it. There are so many people out there who do much much worse, and get treated better than they are treating you. I'm thinking about you and your son, and I hope it goes well for you, you deserve a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 ILH, I hope that the moves goes well and that you get the justice you deserve.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 ILH I've moved a few times without using a removal company - I remember moving once when, in my head, things were an absolute mess. i couldn't control anything of what was happening but focussing on the move really helped. Just the boxing up of items gave me 'concrete' things to do, if that makes sense? I know moving can be overwhelming, as well as being stressful. Are you able to do something little each day rather than it being a huge job over one day?? Eg 'today i'm just going to pack up the cupboard under the stairs' etc? I'm not suggesting for one minute this eases anything of what you are going through as a family, but on that note can I also add that you are a formidably strong person to have all of this going on and still be standing! the fact that you are seeing the move as a positive, fresh start is very encouraging. Keep us posted, we're here for you - take things day by day where you can and you will get through this. You're doing well in difficult circumstances and I for one feel really proud of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 23, 2012 Report Share Posted October 23, 2012 hope your move goes well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Thanks for your replies everyone, I really appreciate them, Data, yeah the dosage equivalent of clonazepam is very high. My voice is slurred due to the amount I am taking. No the woman hasn't got him, at one point I thought he was going to leave as soon as he reached 16 (today) but he is broken hearted as she has already moved onto the next one. I so hope Karma gets her. The moving thing - my dad has offered to help pay and I have applied for a crisis loan, not sure I will get it.. Data, the acid thing was a form of self harm discovered by trying to remove the tattoo, so it became both and an obsession. I don't recommend it anyone, it really hurts and doesn't work, just makes a blurred mess. Today is a bad one, not sure why, my flat is a tip and my mum is helping me but on the days she's not here I am rubbish at packing. Thanks again everyone xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 that's what we're all here for... sorry about your son...what a bitch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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