nikij89 Posted October 28, 2012 Report Share Posted October 28, 2012 So as I am new to all this and not too sure what I'm meant to say or do. I am going to use this as like a daily/ weekly blog for myself to update and to look back on, through my own quite like diary but not so private. I am so open to anyone wanting to join in with me and get involved. Laugh, cry, rant, rage. It's all part of getting to the end and maybe with a decent support network around and people who can relate it will help in the end. It certainly won't be easy but maybe it will be good idea to have somewhere to go and share every emotion, if not I can say I tried. Thank you for taking the time to read this and look forward to any comments, feedback or anyone wanting to join in. X This comes from a girl desperate to be happy but letting my Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar and Anorexia control me..... Time to try and get that control back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I would actually love nothing more than people feeling the same to get involved. Help one another. I have practically lost everyone through this except my mum. I want to be able to build friendships even if it is through technology. I am a little held back as I'm not quite sure on how to let the 'real' me out. I don't know how to show emotion. Hopefully doing this will be a lesson on how to be me. I need help but I also want to help. Please join in. Introduce yourself to me and go from there. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 hi im ruff, i look ruff i feel ruff im pretty much ruff around the edges lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 You will find lots of new friends and support here! We all argue fall out occassionly but love each other to bits :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I too am a very private person, being on the forum has helped me to connect with others in a more sociable way, rather than letting my emotions loose on the wild I am learning to voice them in a healthy way that receives validation. Really glad I joined, glad to still be here, to have a way to learn to be me. Welcome to the forum Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hi Thank you for all your responses. I don't think I have learnt to express how I feel apart from lashing out. As I have been put on a waiting list for any kind of therapy I decided to seek help here and so far I have been ok-ish at saying what I want too. It is definitely going to be a long lesson for me but worth support of you guys I'm pretty sure ill take a step forward. As the same as I can offer support back. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 And ruff don't be skills hard on yourself. What's on the edges (outside) doesn't count half as much as what it is on the inside :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 So I'm currently lay in bed wide awake at 3.35am. As I am browsing through this site, I can't help but think no1s would want to talk to me and why am I even on here. I feel so worthless. Empty. Just an existence. Lonely. Scared. Worried about what tomorrow will bring or what else is going to go wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Not even got the energy to fight back at my thoughts. I officially hate night time. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 What makes you feel like no-one will talk to you??? I don't come on here as much these's, But from about 2am till about 6/7am its dead on here, You get two or three people who come on and that's it... Your on here because you want support and to talk to other people, Your own words " I want to be able to build friendships even if it is through technology " , Isn't that why you are on here??? Tomorrow is tomorrow, Its not today, Nor yesterday... The more you think about it what could happen, The more it will play on your mind and won't get you anyway... I don't know you, Nor seen anything else you have wrote on this place, But I am sure you aren't a burden to everyone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 It's just from the way in my own life no1 really has time for me so why would strangers. I know it's silly and I know it's pathetic but I can't help my wayof thinking. Thank you for your message none the less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I could flip that a round and ask why would you bother with strangers, Yourself... But I won't... Strangers work all in different ways, Some care about other people they don't know, Because it helps them in some way, Others couldn't give two shits about strangers, Others want to make friends and you can only make friends if you try with someone you don't know from Adam... ( More than likely not making much sense here... ) I never said it was silly nor pathetic, I didn't even think that by a long shot... I was trying to make you see/understand??? That no matter how much you worry/thinking about tomorrow ect, It won't make any differents, As no one can honestly know what the next day will bring for us all... No need to say thank you for my reply either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hi im Jinx, Sit back relax keep reading, posting, soon u will flow naturally. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 PS we are all here because we want to be, we may be strangers in RL, but our minds are closely connected, we need eachother... we need you, you need us... thats how we arrived at this site. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Dice, I do understand exactly what your saying and as my mood changes I realise how right you are but it's so draining constantly having to fight your thoughts that at times I can't or I choose not too. I didn't mean to come across as I was being snotty as I wasn't x Jinx thank you I think once I have spoke to a few more people or used the site more I will start to feel apart of it x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I am just wondering if you guys have found anything that you think helps you to cope or possibly advice you could give me? As I'm waiting for coping therapy for the next 3month I was thinking maybe I could try to do something myself if I push myself enough. Plus after no sleep at all and feeling a little drained I could do with some positivity. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foiled Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Welcome. our minds are closely connected, we need eachother... we need you, you need us... thats how we arrived at this site Eloquently put, Jinx. And I agree. We certainly aren't strangers to the tumultuous lives we lead, which in turns makes us less strangers It's cool here, you can post as little or as much as you feel. Even if it's reading through topics I am sure you can find some comfort here, some understanding. I personally have -just logging on to feel connected to something, to realise I'm not alone in all this. I hope we can prove you wrong niki - that people are interested in listening to you and provide you with some comforting replies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Thank you. To be honest since I joined I have read and read and posted quite a bit, I feel at ease to be able to say I have BPD and what? Maybe acceptance I need, I don't know. I'm just full of questions X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foiled Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hey that's okay - It can be very overwhelming upon first receiving a diagnosis, Loooooads of stuff to take in. Have you got a therapist or somebody to support you and help you gain a better understanding of what's happening for you? Keep up the posting and a blog or diary sounds like a wonderful idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 No I haven't got anyone or anything, literally. I have been put on a waiting list for coping therapy which doesn't start till next February. I can't afford to pay private for any help. As the doctor said to me 'it's a waiting game' It's how I ended up on here hoping to seek some more knowledge and find out who I am. Find out what I could try or what helped others etc. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Strangers are new friends you havent met yet x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Oh I like that That's definitely one way of thinking about it.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyColdplay Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I relate to pretty much your whole post. I always feel like a burden and I hate the nightimes, and I feel people don't like me. I really wish I could escape this prison in my head. It's pure torture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 hey i was doing the exact same thing last night if you do ever want to chat you can pm me im usually awake at stupid oclock lol as for feeling like you are a burden we need you on this site so we cant all work together to help ourselves it helps me to comment on peoples topics it also helps when people reply to mine you are always welcome here and use this site whenever you need to thats what its here for wishing you all the luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Emily keep on contact through my page and we can do this journey together. Good and bad. Thanks Ruff ill remember that later but hoping for some sleep tonight Thank you for the kind words. I really want to be a part of this site x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 yea me too isnt sleep great when it dont elude you lol you are already part of this site just by being here we all have a massive journey to go on and we must stick together i look forward to hearing more from you ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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