nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I just want to be able to come to peace with myself and accept myself an the illness. Found the site a great help though so hopefully it's a step forward me x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Wow I am feeling so washed out. Drained. Mentally. So my moods are pretty much crap at the moment. Hope u guys are all feeling okay.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 How is everyone feeling today? I have just found out that I start College on Wednesday studying Social Science. Not sure how I feel maybe sceptical/worried as I don't know how I am going to feel but its a step forward right? A very tired drained girl today, hope you are all feeling better. Don't forget if you drop by, say hi. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Anybody there this evening? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 im feeling pretty drained had the place to my self earlier, watched a film and relaxed alittle and it feels like all the stress of the week has shatterd me but im not on my own now and can feel tension building. you should try to relax and sooth your self the best you can hope you get some sleep p.s congrats about the course hope it goes well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hey, sorry to hear your feeling that way tonight, maybe you could remove yourself from the situation and gather your thoughts. Thank you for the congrats, I really hope if anything that BPD does not control this part of my life. Keep your chin up and keep chatting if you need to :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Just passing by so thought I'd share my 2p's worth! A lot of what you have written since you joined has struck a chord with me. Although it is never nice to hear people are struggling, it is nice to feel as if you are not alone and hopefully by being on here we can all help each other along as you have said. I too am feeling drained tonight, I hardly slept at all last night (although I eventually fell asleep this morning and so wasted half of my day in bed) and have spent all day feeling very insecure. Can't really put it into words but am feeling very useless and wobbly. I'm currently trying to reduce some of my meds (under supervision) so just hope this isn't the start of worse to come. Congratulations on the social science course, it might help to have an external focus while you wait for therapy. Hope you enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hiya Have your 2p's anytime Thank you for congratulations, fingers crossed it is a going to be a leap forward. Sorry to hear your feeling low also, must be something in the air tonight. I can't explain how I feel, but actually I don't know how I feel but its definately a more negative than positive. Hope everything works out okay and for the best of you with the medication and your mood is lifted ASAP. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 its cool just want have a sleep really but doubt that will happen soon lol. i got a doc appt tomoz so hopefully they will give me some sleeping tablets also got dbt tomoz and that wipes me out for days makes me feel like a bit of a wimp lol what course you doing at collage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Social Science but the course covers a variety of things. Might even learn a little something about my self. By the sounds of things, you need some sleeping tablets, I think being tired dramatically changes our moods (or it does mine anyway) I'm still awaiting DBT, what is it that they do? I hope the session goes well for you too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 i waited over a year for this dbt they teach things like mindfulness and emotional regulation iv only been there 2 weeks im finding it hard to take it in atm my consentration is shot so the best i can do is just turn up and if anything does stick then its a bonus lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm pretty sure I will be the same when my time comes around. I will convince myself I don't need to go probably. At least your still going which is a big step :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 yea i just feel iv waited so long for this i dont want to loose it and up at square 1 again i have no life i cant work i deffo cant go collage because i find it hard to learn alot. when you get your therapy it will be very hard but as my therapist says turning up is 80% of the struggle just keep with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I don't agree that turning up is 80% of the struggle but turning up definately contributes to a step forward Have you never thought of Volunteering somewhere local to you? Maybe taking time to sit in a library and read or research on the computers there? Or one I always seemed to get asked is turning my thoughts into poetry or art? I don't know your situation so these are just friendly suggestions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 maybe not 80% but it works for me. i couldnt really get up every day i was working last year but i had to leave because i was never getting sleep and when i did it had no affect literaly felt like i had not slept for about 6 months i couldnt cope with the exaustion would like to do counciling if ican sort the fatigue out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Can I ask if your on medication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I know that BPD affects moods and has all the highs and lows but does anyone else finding them changing from one extreme to another without reason and quite frequently through out the day? All feedback required :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 what mental health issues do u have if u dont mind me asking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 BPD, bipolar, anxiety and although it isn't related I have anorexia through my ways of self destruct and self harm. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 Well I managed to get a few hours sleep last night so it's a lot better than none. Not decided how I feel yet but already decided its a day in bed..... Hope everyone is okay. Everyone still more than welcome to post Hope to catch some of you through out the day X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyColdplay Posted October 30, 2012 Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 I woke when the alarm went off and took my meds but just couldnt face getting up.(I keep my meds beside the bed now). I'm up now but had to cancel meeting a friend coz I don't even feel able to get dressed. I'm booked for DBT aswell but half the time I just feel so scared of the stigma from the mental health team that I feel like quitting all appointments. You definitely get treated differently when people know you've got a personality disorder, and that just makes things worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 30, 2012 Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 na im not meds atm should be next week tho. and to your question yes its like that alot for me too your not alone glad you had some sleep tho i got a few hours in still feel really tired tho iv got a busy day today lol sometimes you just need time in bed chill out and get your thoughts together hope you enjoy it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 How would you choose to be treated Emily? Like I personally don't want people to walk on egg shells around me Sorry to hear you feel the way you do but please don't quit. Don't let the stigma put you off, I think with in most mental health teams they are there due to there own past. Like myself I am studying (or trying too) to become a Mental Health Nurse as I know how hard it is and I get such a warmth from helping others. Remember you are not alone we are all the same here. At the moment I am in okay mood but I woke up this morning majorly angry because I had woken up. I took my meds, lay back down and just about coming out of it now. No one can force you to do anything but I would highly and strongly recommend you to not cancel appointments as they are hard to come by and once you have the first few over with, I'm sure it gets easier x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 na im not meds atm should be next week tho. and to your question yes its like that alot for me too your not alone glad you had some sleep tho i got a few hours in still feel really tired tho iv got a busy day today lol sometimes you just need time in bed chill out and get your thoughts together hope you enjoy it Yeah I was going to say maybe you should try medication as well as the DBT and work them together. I feel exhausted but I feel like my eyes are also bulging out my head with alertness - that doesn't make much sense really. My head feels as though it is going to explode. Joining the site is scary at first I have to say, the amount of stuff going around in my head right now is bizarre, stuff I have never thought about until I started reading on here. However its helping me face it. Do you feel as though you have accepted the illness ruff? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted October 30, 2012 Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 i know what your talking about niki i feel that tiredness almost every day. sometimes i can accept it but sometimes i forget when im out with people and try to be normal and that makes me frustrated untill i remember that iv just got to go with it but im still learning to accept it. i was search for so long to find out what was wrong that at least this sticks a little emily im so sorry you are feeling like this. i know how hard it is i have dbt today as well but you should really try to go even if you just go there sit in the session just be there dont do anything. these therapys are very hard to get and if you drop out you will be back with nothing hope you are ok dont be too hard on your self and please try to go to dbt all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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