DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 There is a certain strength behind the monitor. A bit of anonymity to it. You get to pick and choose what you want to say or share, instead of speaking in front of someone face-to-face. If you don't like it in this medium, you can always erase it. In public, what you say has been said; there's no erasing it. So I can't blame you, really, for opening up a little in text. It is easier for many, many people. I'm sorry that I can't help in any other capacity for your counselling. I really have no clue what is offered across the pond in the way of mental services. Thankfully, I'm more than certain someone here does! I'll grab some sleep later! Right now, my mind is still racing a little. It's okay, though. I'm used to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm not. I become dependent on medication to help me sleep as soon as I come off it- NO SLEEP :/ Not good haha. Yeah very true I agree with the hiding behind the monitor and definately agree with the erasing part, I do it often, I will say things on Social Networking but then as soon as my moods changes I will delete it. Don't be sorry, just talking to me helps Just giving me the time of day helps x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 And we come full circle about sleep and medication and alternatives to catching some shut-eye! As much as I like typing and writing, I prefer to be in front of people. Sadly, as of late, I've begun to doubt myself and my abilities to hold their attention. Something small and insignificant will happen, and it will cause my already bruised self-confidence to crash around me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I think I need to find ways to accept myself for who I am and what I am. Start confronting this. But words are so much easily spoken than acted upon. I don't know how to face it. Why do you feel like that? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Agreed. It's so much easier to say one thing than it is to act upon those actions. Which is why many people keep behind the monitors (or phones via texts, etc.). Why? ... *chuckles* You know that part about writing something and erasing it when you don't want to share? Yeah, I did that twice already. I had a good paragraph going, but I erased it. Why do I feel that I have a low self-confidence? Past history. Bullied. Being told that I'm worthless. It got to a point where I started believing it all, and now I can't stop those thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I feel as though I can really relate to you, why was a dumb founded question. Everything stems back to the past I guess. How have you found family since your diagnosis? Like my diagnosis hasnt been brought up once of my dad and like i say me mum tries but really doesnt get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 It wasn't a dumb question, and I'll not hear another word of that ... >.< There very well could have been a different reason! I think it was a valid question! My family was rather excepting of the diagnosis, and very supportive. My sister is still very confused about the whole ordeal, but my mother and father are okay and can understand what I'm going through. Of course, my mom thinks it's all her fault for one reason or another. Is it? I don't know. I still have ... things ... to work out. Mainly from bullies and peers and so many other variables from my past. Needless to say the support I've been given so far has been good for me. There are also support groups for people who live with those who have bpd, too. Even books and websites could help. Do you think they'd benefit from these resources? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm not sure, I personally think that a person could never understand unless they walk the walk, like you could read the same book as my mum but because you have your own dealings with it I think you'd understand more. Maybe books for 'carers' or for relatives is a useful resource, I think a lot of people who I have known seem to think it is easy to convince yourself to be happy or something and as you will know that isn't the case. I personally started reading a book by Rachel Reiland and that is about her life with BPD, I have seen that as more of an eye opener and got more of the WOW factor in thinking, WOW this is me, i do that, etc. What is your opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 For the longest time, I wanted to be a counsellor to help those with depression, because I've always said that one should have the experience to know what to talk about. And we, who suffer from bpd, know what we are talking about because we live it all the time. But we never give into consideration those that live with us, sometimes. They, too, need assistance from time to time. Why? Because they live with us. They go through what we put them through. I mean, it's hell for us all the time, but they get to see fractions and instances of our hell. Who knows what they are thinking? That's why I think it's great that there are resources out there for people on the outside. They have questions, like "How the hell do I deal with this?!" And those questions are answered. Not only that, but it gives them a little more insight into what it is that we are going through, and how they can help us. So I think, personally, that it's a good idea to let them into our world. Sure, they will never, ever understand what is going on inside our heads, but we can at least show them the way to help us. As the saying goes; "Help me, help you". The only book I've read so far is The Complete Idiot's Guide to Buddhism - which, I have to say, is fantastic. I'm not a fan of the word 'Idiot', and I'll never, ever say it to anyone, but this book is an amazing little guide for wellness, and I highly recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, that's the only book I've read so far. I haven't read anything about bpd. At all. But if you like this book, let me know what it's called and I shall check it out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm about a quarter of the way through it now so will keep you updated. I've bought CBT books and everything but I just don't have it in me to sit alone and do it, again I need someone to do it with me. Yeah definately I agree, I must admit I have put my mum through hell over the years of self harm and lashing out etc, she deserves a medal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 What books have you gotten so far? I need more reading material. Anything is better than sitting in front of a computer until my body is so tired that it wins out over my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Rachel Reiland - Get me out of here Jerold J Kleisman - Understanding BPD I have got 2 CBT books but haven't opened them as of yet haha. I've got such a poor attention span at the moment and I am so easily distracted :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DorianK Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I will certainly look for those two books. As for the ones on CBT, let me know as soon as you get the chance! I'd like to see what this CBT is all about! For now, however, I think I'm going to attempt the ever-elusive "sleep". I hope you get the time to find some rest, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm back but I am so tired and feeling crap. Hope you managed to get some sleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewchocolate Posted November 2, 2012 Report Share Posted November 2, 2012 You and DorianK have a dialogue going on so I don't want to get in the way of that. But I had the same problem of not sleeping for a while as well, but then again I have been medicated since I was 8 years old, so I would like to help you if I can. So here I go; I have been on a lot of medications but even very small doses of some anti-psychotics have been effective, like 2.5mg of quetiapine which had to be cut up because they did not make them in such a small dose. That helped me with really vivid and scary dreams. Which is why I was so scared to go to sleep in the first place. I don't think personally you should worry about being dependent on medication, we are all dependent on something, each other, food, the bus - so why would medication be any different? If we need something and it works there should be no problem with it. As DorianK said having something on in the background kind of helps if there are thoughts going around in your head, I used to have story tapes on really low so I could not make out what they were saying but was enough to have something to focus on. You also said that you feel silly about expressing your feelings (or something along those lines, sorry if I misread it) but it kind of reminds me of my early therapy were I had no feelings so we would use items in the room as feelings. If I projected the feelings onto objects then they were not my feelings but the objects feelings (we used teddies but you could use stones or art work). Then you could, as I did, talk about what those objects were feeling and see how they worked together. Maybe if you get a chance with a counsellor (stupid NHS) you could work on something like that. Sometimes I just could not get to sleep because I was really tired but not tired enough, if that makes any sense, so I was given something like this: http://www.expresschemist.co.uk/Phenergran-Tablets-25mg.html check around and with your doctor first. I did not like it at the time because I was bulimic and it made vomiting more difficult but it did kind of work. Another one is Melatonin which again you can buy but check with your doctor, it kind of tells your body its night time and you need to be asleep. These you can try and are not 'addictive' like Zopiclone or something like it. Always check with your doctor first! The last thing is having a routine, even if it means just getting into bed at a certain time and not leaving it until later on. Never having naps (but you don't seem to have that problem) and try to make your bedroom as safe as you can. Like having christmas lights up and on during the night so its not so dark. Or using smells, lavender seems to be the best one even though I don't like it. Plus try to piss off everyone! I mean it, piss off your doctor until something is done, keep phone/writing to PALS until you get somewhere/Keep asking about seeing psychologist. Ask help from everyone you can like SANE or MIND, here! If you have to go to A'n'E every night until something is done then do it! Never give up. Hope that helps some. Take care, Lewis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikij89 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2012 Thank you Lewis. Its ok you can still chat on here haha. I will have a look at the link, Thank you. I am managing to get 3 hours max the rest is broken. I have been put on different medication also so hoping they help me sleep. I feel like I am already pissing my doctor off to be honest, but I think the waiting for therapy is getting me down more. Just easier to give up I guess. I am trying but every day gets worse. Appreciate your message thank you again xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted November 2, 2012 Report Share Posted November 2, 2012 im suffering from sleep problems and all i have found out so far is that i have to learn to live with it untill you can take the time to learn the skills to sleep but im just too tired to learn them lool. i also know what you mean by needing someone every step of the way thats exactly how it seems to be for inorder to learn. but there is no one out there willing to give there time for that. i dont know if its just me but that post seemed to be rude this is not my intension i can assure you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted November 2, 2012 Report Share Posted November 2, 2012 lavinder or gerainium oil can be really good to help u sleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewchocolate Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Never give up try PALS google it for your local trust! It really pee's me off that health care 'professionals' don't do more, so please complain the more of us that do it the more likely they are to do something about it (yes I live in a dream world). I hope your new medication helps you to get more than three hours sleep. Mention of books; maybe try this - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Introduction-Coping-Insomnia-Problems-Overcoming/dp/1849016208/ref=pd_sim_b_1 I don't have it but I do have the depression and anxiety ones. They are really easy to read and not too expensive. They take a board Cognitive behavioural approach and they are like 30 or so pages long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentscreamer Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Same for me. Can go 48 hours without sleep sometime - so tired but can't sleep and if I do I wake up every 20 mins or so. Had Zopiclone- worked well getting me to sleep but after a few hours bright and awake again. Was taken off them them as I they are addictive and you can build up resistance to them. Then moved onto Amytriptiline. I found them great. Take quite a while to make me sleepy. Usually take them at least 2 or so hours before going ti bed. They work by calming your mind and thoughts putting you into a calm state. I still have problems with early waking - usually between 3 and 4 am but an not so frustrated anymore because I GET 4-5 Hours quality sleep no. The aren't addictive and you don't build up such a tolerance to them. Hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 i am on zopiclone for sleep but it doesn't' do much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Hi, Search Jody whiteley on you tube, look on her channel theres lots of sleep hypnosis... some for Depression and anxiety.. they are pretty good... works for me most of the time, better than medication. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.