imdebbiem Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 I've always had really quite low confidence but I honestly thought with age that these fears would reduce and I could find a way of getting past them. The other day I agreed to have a go at selling Avon and was given some brochures to post out. Earlier today I got my 4 year old daughter to post the brochures whilst I hid behind plants in peoples front gardens cos I didn't want people to see me and try and talk to me. The shame, how am I meant to get through this life like this, I rarely leave the house for the same reason...and I could never get a job cos I can't talk in interviews...and I've tried countless times, but my fears take over and I can't talk. Anyways I have to collect these brochures on Monday and my daughter will be at school so I will have to get them myself...and I am almost shaking in fear at the thought of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 The only way I know how to push through that place is to mechanically talk to myself. Like now put on jacket, open door, lock it. Walk down stairs and out gate. etc.... Not allowing myself to think about my thoughts and give myself room to start judging them is the only thing that gets me from A to B. I literally have to make it about only getting from A to B until the task is over. Otherwise, like you (I get sick) just can't leave the house or engage in the action. It a horrible anxiety that grips me. I hope you are able to get through your brochures on Monday (((hugs))) *sends good wishes your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Do you hold particular fear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Thank you for Good Luck wishes, Sah B xxx Maddison, I fear people, I have done since I was in my early teens...being bullied when I was at school I believe was the trigger. But even now 11 years later the fear of people rejecting me and ridiculing me remains as strong as it always did. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 I dont know if these are availeble where you live but here in Holland there are assertivity courses you learn in a group to slowly overcome your fears of for instance asking someone on the street directions. You all practice together. Maybe something like that would be worth looking into? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted November 11, 2012 Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 Debbie I can relate to this, I don't have any confidence either I hate talking to outsiders too it is why I don't like going out, This is something I want to change though and I am working on in therapy, It is horrible and I know where you're coming from with this.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted November 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 I did a course in confidence building about 3 years ago now...the job centre put me on it to help me with job interviews, it helped slightly for a very short while but old habits slip back and it was so easy for me to withdraw from socialising again. I don't know where I would go to try and find a course in assertivity, i will have a look online and ask my homestart visitor when I next see her. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 11, 2012 Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 I understand you fearing people and the ridicule and rejection they can dish out.... try to concentrate on the product... Avon is a BIG brand, most people know about it, a lot of people trust it, and a lot of people buy it, its not really seen as junk mail, so I don't think its likely anyone will have a go at you for posting the catalogues. It's also one of those things that generally a person is either interested or they are not, your not forcing anything on anyone, your just saying "Hey, here's what is available, leave an order if you want something." Make yourself feel more confident by studying it, feel comfortable that you know what you are doing, make a script for some common questions that may be asked, even if its already on the order form, simple things like, such as; "When will I get my order?" "What if i'm not in when you come?" "Do you take cards?". Try to think of what you will say if someone asks your opinion on something like "Do you think A is better value than B?" "Is this product like olay?".... You don't need to know everything about every product, because your only being asked your opinion, so you can look at the products in the catalogue on the spot and form an opinion, or simply say you don't know as you have only just started. I think that's the key to get you through it, see it as a project for yourself, it will get easier and easier... and bare in mind we are all equals, no-one is better than you, and you are no better than anyone else. I'll be looking forward to hearing how you get on. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted November 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2012 Thanks Jinx xxx, After spending half an hour at the front door trying to talk myself out of the house, I collected some of the brochures this morning. No one has ordered anything and after collecting half the brochures I was shaking so much I went home. I feel a bit hopeless. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 12, 2012 Report Share Posted November 12, 2012 Hey, hey! you did great! you got out there, out the door, despite your fears, thats a big thing you should be proud of yourself... now you just need to get the rest, and this time will be a wee bit easier, and who knows you could have an order... when you do get one, you will feel great... carry on with the strength you been showing so far and you will get your sales... this is gonna be really good for you, your gonna prove to yourself that you can go out there and do biggg stuff. Not hopeless, more very hopeful. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 (((((Debbie))))) i dont have much confidence either, I tried to do a confidence building course but it gave me a whole list of new things I'd never considered worrying about! and it made me feel really inadequate because the course assumed I had enough confidence to make friends. I think you are amazing. if someone asked me to deliver catalogues I wouldnt even consider it. I think you have been very brave even to consider it and collecting half the catalogues is great because you've done half of it. everyone struggles with different things and when people are doing something they struggle with it nearly always does take time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted November 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks for such kind words and advice One of the brochures I didn't collect had an order inside, the lady text me to see if I was going to collect it. It took me an hour to respond but I finally went across and collected it and felt really pleased...that one order has left me half way to meeting the monthly target. But anxious again cos I still have to do more to get to the target sales...it would be so easy for me to give in but I have done that with everything I have ever done. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeckle88 Posted November 14, 2012 Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Wow, i really admire your strength! I barely leave the house for fear of being in public places, i can just about manage to pick my daughter up from school. Youve faced a fear and yeah, it may not have felt nice, but how awesome did you feel afterwards for having done it! I really hope the more you get out and do this, the less intimidating it will feel for you and the more enjoyment you can get out of it. Youve been so brave to do what you have. If your feeling particularly anxious next time, just think of it as a means to acquire that great buzz afterwards :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBR2890 Posted November 14, 2012 Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 I can relate Debbie, I have lacked confidence for as long as I can remember. I think for me it's the fear of failiure and how people may perceive me. Just like you said about the job interviews, no matter how well I prepare, when it comes to it, I turn into a mumbling idiot. My counsellor has tried to get me to put what other people may think as a secondary issue (difficult I know), but I think you need to accept that you have something to offer and that it's important to respect yourself. Hope you can find a way to come through this. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Reallllly proud of you! xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 congrats on the order, I think you are really brave putting yourself out there, well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 That's great news that you were able to collect the catalogue with the order It would terrify me. I really admire your determination not to give up xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disassociative Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I didn't have a good childhood too, yes being bullied and rejections are the only memories I have and I certainly don't feel comfortable between people. But I always tell myself that though every individual is different, there are lots of things common between us, that is, they also have their own fears and insecurities beneath their charm and I have no reason to fear them. I know it doesn't sound great but surpisingly it helps me. Another thing which I do in situations which make me anxious is pretend that I am an actor, and follow the line 'Fake it untilI make it'. And it's great that you were able to collect the brochure and you certainly deserve a pat on the back for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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