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I Need To Reach Out


JasmineRose

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My manager is referring me to Occupational Health, to tie up my reasonable adjustments officially, and update with all changes like now my 'respite' office is closing soon so won't have that one day there.

Previous OH has been really iffy, so I'm worried.

Due to all home stress stuff my anorexic mindset has been doing Her thing, and now I keep coming over dizzy at work and its horrible and scary.

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please take care of yourself - you have loads going on and things like this are likely to happen...

do you have any safe, easy "nibble" food you can stock up on

cereal bars spring to mind but you may have better...

keep going though, you are doing great with all you have to deal with atm

xxxx

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Well done for reaching out. I hear it's scary and horrible and I'm sorry that's the case. Really hope OH is a good experience for you this time. Keep 'talking' if it helps xx

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Thanks so much. Am home now, and eating a decent dinner.

First time I was referred to OH as my then manager was clueless.

Second time was because IT contractors had made a complaint about me after I'd got agitated when they came too close to where I was standing.

Third time was because they were worried about me and the redundancy risk.

I haven't been involved in leading events and activities since my breakdown. I get flashbacks around large groups of children especially, and am angrily self conscious when presenting anything. Because leading activities is in my job description [even though the Head of Service has said they'd make adjustments for me] my manager wants it all completely officially verified in case anyone ever questions it. I've got to the stage when I don't mind doing things a bit, and asked to do an activity based on one of my interests, but my senior manager herself said to wait until I am more stable.. and now my therapist is saying that I am not really well enough now [i was then, so errrgghhh] and I agree with her but its all just argghh.

What always befuddles me with OH is that because my clinical diagnosis is depression, it can look like I'm 'making up' the rest I experience. I have sub threshold pd, but its not listed on any letters or anything. I've been asked in the past with OH if I have Bipolar, and my PTSD symptoms dismissed as a 'behaviour problem'. So you see why I feel so angsty about OH?

Then with the anorexia symptoms, my GP brushes aside any mention I make of this but my therapist is fully aware of the seriousness of it.

I don't even know where to start!

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Yes that does sound frustrating and worrying. I really hope OH take you seriously and make appropriate readjustments that will help support you. Xxx

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Thanks Jenny.

Does anyone have any idea of how I could 'present' myself? Depression and anxieties due to childhood traumas? [Which is true..]

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I feel really quite vulnerable about this. I know I've not done anything wrong, and am doing my best to reassure myself of that. It's hard though. The last time I saw OH it was meant to sort things, then prior to possible redundancy, but he just asked me what was happening already, said to carry on. When I said I was worried about losing my job, he said I could just get a new one! The way he worded things made me have to pretty much confess to my pd-ness [though is apparently sub-threshold, but I def have full on depression and anxiety...] and it just made me feel ashamed and weird.

I guess, I just, I just need a hug, please.

It gets me all into a headspin when I feel I have to talk diagnostically and provide clinical proof. Because what I experience is a mix of different things along with depression, closest to CPTSd really. I can't really get out of it, because I have these symptoms because of X and X happened to me and it makes things reminding me of X problematic to deal with and cope with in a calm and rational way.

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Sorry I didn't see this sooner.. I really wish I had some words of. Wisdom or advice. I'm afraid I really don't know how best. To present yourself etc. I really hear how this is difficult for you.. I'm sorry I can't be of more help

But

I can give hugs! Here are lots of them!

Thinking of you

Xxxxxxx

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