Chunter91 Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Ok so for years i have suffered with my eating, i became anorexic at 17 and it lasted over a year, with help i managed to overcome it. Not fully but i became a lot better. I started putting on weight though recently with my new tablets for my generalized anxiety disorder (which leaves me housebound.) I hate the fact i'm putting on weight. I am 5ft3 and i used to weigh 8stone but now ive gone up to 91/2 within just a few months. I now cannot bare to weigh myself at all. But now for the past few weeks i have a new 'thing'. When i'm alone, (when my partner is offshore or at work) i have a problem with eating. I cook all the time and make things but i never actually eat, what i do (this sounds disgusting) is i have a bowl next to me and i chew the food but then spit it out into the bowl, i do this so it makes me feel like im eating but im not actually swallowing anything, i just spit it out. I NEVER do it when anyone is over or if my partner is home. i just eat normally, but then i hate myself for it and want to make myself vomit but i never do. I dread when he come's home because then i know i will have to act normal and eat fine! I really don't know why i do it i just enjoy it rather than actually swallowing the food. Has anyone else ever suffered this? Help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Well, it sounds like you have lots of feelings of emptiness and loneliness when your partner is away. Maybe you feel food is a link to love for you, in some way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeckle88 Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 I just wanted to say, if you want to lose weight, starving yourself like this wont work... your body will go into starvation mode, and anything you DO eat will be stored in your body as fat, as your body will think it needs to keep it... Im sorry you feel you have to do this, but can you not try another way? Like sticking to soups or something? They dont really have alot of substance to them, its like a hot drink really. Ive got a major issue with my self image and am constantly on a diet. But i make sure i eat lunch and dinner as i dont want my body storing any food i intake as fat. Also, think of food as fuel. If you eat, use up what youve eaten in physical exercise. Use the energy it gives you. Then its all used up and not being stored in your body.. Sorry your feeling like this ((HUGS)) Feel free to PM me, im always up for talking about diet! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orpyz Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 I think this is quite common, which I think is part of your question. My mum used to do it all the time.... I used to think it was really weird and then I developed bulimia. That's not very helpful, I know. What I am trying to say is that it is a disordered way of eating, in my opinion and so you should probably confront it as you did the anorexia - which I think you are doing, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Is there any way of accessing the help you had before to work out the issues underlying the problem? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Yes it is a disordered way of eating. It is very much like anorexia,as youre trying to not get any food in you.Hiding this behaviour from others is also a sign. Can you address this with a therapist,do you have one? I think you need help with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebernice Posted April 10, 2013 Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 Better to have the food with your partner. Hope it will protect you from uneasy feeling that you are facing during having the food. Company during lunch or dinner makes us to eat more and provides us comfortable environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
humblelulu Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 I used to chew and spit food out a lot, I don't anymore, but I used to a few years ago. I've had an eating disorder for about 9 years now, so I can safely say I definitely think chewing and spitting food is a sign of it. I used to do it before I eventually ended up purging, one evening i couldnt spit the food out as my cravings had got so bad, so i ended up eating the food I normally spat out. And then purged it, and well eventually purging became a pretty dominant part of my life. Now I wish I never started the chewing and spitting. I know it's incredibly hard, but from experiance, if I could go back in time, I'd have just let myself have a small meal here and there, instead of chewing and spitting. And by a meal, I mean anything. It doesnt have to be normal sized at all. But just whatever you can handle. I used to find that soup was okay to handle. Or I used to drink a milkshake, because it was liquid, and I didn't feel as freaked out drinking it as I was eating. So that way I got some calories in me and managed to keep it in. So maybe try with the soups and such like Jeckle88 suggested. Or possibly low fat yogurt? That's what I've been able to eat lately, its fresh (so cooling in the stomach), it's also light, so it doesnt feel heavy in my tum. and it gives me a bit of energy. I know its not enough for a normal person to eat. But when you struggle with eating, I think anything you eat is something to be proud of. So take it in steps, and eat what you can. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca95 Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 Does your partner know about any of this? If he doesn't I think it's extremely important he does know as support from a loved one is the best support. If you've had anorexia and you are having problems again, could it be a relapse? I think you should get help before it becomes worse because the last thing you want is to struggle for years again. I just I wanted to say, to me you sound like a healthy weight! :-) I'm 5ft4 and weigh just under 7 stone, hurts to sit down sometime. I wish I was a healthy weight again. Good luck and hugs! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrachel Posted April 26, 2013 Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 I can so relate to this! (My first time on this forum)..diagnosed as haiving BPD and bi-polar. Anyway, at 5 foot 4, I've just discovered my weight has gone up to 7 stone 4 which is freaking me out and I'm already trying to think of ways of getting it down again (long bike ride in coastal wind today) and then again the other bit of me notes that the weight goes directly onto my boobs so some pluses there! often get complemented on my 'good figure' when i'm dressed but naked )(I'm 51) I look worse than my sons's greyhound. not a good look on the older lady. Now for tonight's dilemma: my bf has said (he has bi-polar) he's in strange mood so might not be good company tonight. Immediatly I assume of course, that he is trying to get shot of me and that I'm a huge nuiscance to him. What to do??? My arms itch where I'd like to cut them again but managed to resist this so far aided with diazepam and gin. What to do??? sometimes I just can't work out the simplest of things. Maybe I'll text him and see how he's doing...but then again I could do with some company tonight and perhaps it really is more about his probs than mine just now..In which case, I might actually be able to help him?!?! Really, it's not rocket science, but I just have no idea how to go about making sense of it all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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