ragdoll Posted August 4, 2004 Report Share Posted August 4, 2004 dear Betsy, how did things go after our chat last night? i was worried, i hope you havent given up i know that you are too strong for that. did you use your group session to discuss you anger with your t. i god damn well hope so cause you need to vent it out with them. people who could listen and hear you vent by yelling. somehow sometimes that is more satisfying than listening to my babble on. did t end up calling? and was it if he did beneficial. i do hope you dont give up on anything we talked about there is no need to run. you know i admire and respect you mate. im here for you anytime bets, just page me in chat. if only pm where still working. ow well bye mate ragdoll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Doll, At first you confused me when you talked about our talk last night... then i remembered it was your last night and my this morning! I didnt talk about my anger in group, believe it or not i was low key. i did talk about my meds (as did another girl talk about hers) and we both got a bio-chem lecture about how our minds are different. so... still not on mine but it is okay. my group therapist also talks about her problems so.... i ended up doing some therapy on her and another member, the resolution was good and it felt good to be helpful. i did tell them that i had blacked out my session and talked about that some... they agreed i needed to go back to my t and talk more. anyway, my group therapy is at the same place as my individual so i asked the receptionist to have my t call me. he called me about 2 this afternoon and i am going to see him at 2:00 tomorrow. he will tell me what happened. this only happened to me one other time so it really does kind of freak me, but i will be okay. there have been lots of supportive people here that have been throwing me life lines so that has helped, a lot. talking with you in chat really helped me too. you are so good at being a friend and have such a gentle way of not letting a person sidestep the really important issues. when you are really feeling bad that is what i would like to do for you, i guess tho at those times it is just too hard for you to let ppl in. anyway it was very important for me to have you talking to me... i think you screwed my head on right so i could go on to get help. dont ever worry about me... i always come thru. sometimes tht makes me mad but i guess there is something inside that wont let it go all the way... anyway that is how it has been for the last 40 or so years! Thanks for being you! bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 How are you Bets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 i'm okay... i see the therapist today and we will talk. he will probably tell me what we talked about and explain to my why it is so important that i am blocking it all out. in the mean time things have been heating up between my son and his wife. my granddaughter was admitted to the local psych hosp at 3 this morning. it is a good thing but also so sad. i saw her for the first time since she left... she kissed me and said she loved me. she also saw her dad for the first time and told him she loved him. i know i am not supposed to be emeshed in their lives but it is hard when someone you love is hurting so deeply and the whole trauma is unfolding before your eyes. i just feel total exhaustion. i dont know what i'd do without the support i have gotten from all of you guys. my son told me last night how strong i am... said i am like the matriarchial elephant running the whole herd... i asked if that was a comment about my weight... he said no i was the skinny matriarchal elephant (hardly). right now i just feel like i have ran my herd to the edge of a cliff and it somehow is all my fault. i will be better... i will survive. i cant express how much of a life saver you have all been. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Wow, when it rains it pours! Nice complioment from your son. I'll be waiting to hear more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dove Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 It's okay to go to the edge of a cliff, as long as you don't go over. Sometimes the view from the edge can be spectacular and you'll appreciate it later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 thx dove... i like your thinking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Dove, I copied this from a message my sister sent me yesterday. I don't want to go out way there. I have been there and don't want to go there again, but it is interesting to look over the edge sometimes. Isn't that creepy? You guys were thinking the same stuff! Are you my sister? Hi, Bets! X X X My friends - ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dove Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Nope, I'm not your sister but she sounds like a pretty smart cookie :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Bets honey, draw from that inner strength that you seem to be tapping into right now. Your son has good insight. You know you have helped all of us so much, take some time for yourself. Its OK to do that. We want you to do that. Someone once told me that to take baby steps, and at times its OK to take dance steps, steps off to the side, cause at least they are steps, that we are still moving. This is OK fer you, I promise. We love ya Bets. Stay outta trouble. Your granddaughter will be OK. She is in a good place, they will take good care of her, you dont have to geel guilty because you cant be there for her, you have to look after yourself, I am sure deep down she understands. I am sure that she knows that you love her, and thats all that matters. Look after yourself missy. I love ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Night Bets, night eveyone. Talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 6, 2004 Report Share Posted August 6, 2004 saw my t today... he couldnt remember anything upsetting that happened... i asked why did i black it all out then... he said maybe going cold turkey off my meds, that it can do strange things to you. my granddaughter is in the hosp. i am not sure if i can see her. will know more tomorrow. my son (at my house) has his 4 year old son until sunday night. i am overwhelmingly exhausted. will write more another day. i just wanted you guys to know the essence of what happened (nothing) bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted August 6, 2004 Report Share Posted August 6, 2004 Lol - nothing is good!!! Rest up Bets, you've been going through a lot anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragdoll Posted August 7, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2004 hey bets ive been reading would you believe after our chat lol. what we said about eggshells. anyway sybils t thought she was having fuguls, is that what maybe your t maybe thinks? but then of course sybil turns into much more complicated issue than a fugul. its quite interesting and scarey. as i also said to you as your t did going off you meds like that dont help the situation. leveling out may not be the best thing for you actually its not at all the best thing for you. if you were thinnking leveling out my terms yes it would be; leveling = balancing your definiition of leveling is not a good one. you know my nick name is sybil. i get called it well used to get called it by my freinds in melbourne all the time at uni. cause of my moods. it was cruel, but funny cruel. im sorry about your granddaughter aswell but as wabbit said you know she is in the best place right now dont you getting the best care and best help that she needs right now. there is a reason she is there and when she is home she will be the person she was before. you need to be strong, like your son has told you you are and how many times have i told you you are strong. how many times have i said that we are all strong and that we just need to find that inner strength and draw from it. and im sorry befuddled i have to disagree with you there are plenty of good things in this life we just have to use our resources and find them and we all have those resources to get off our butts and find those good things even when things are tough. we just sometimes need someone to give us that kick in the butt. hard but true love you guys rag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 7, 2004 Report Share Posted August 7, 2004 hey raggy, What is a fugal? i am in the dark on that one. okay maybe meds, going off, was not a good idea but i am nearly free of them and no where near suicide... in fact due to all the stuff going on in my life i think i am doing rather well. anyhow i intend to stay off them at least for a while more as i dont think they did much good anyway and i am almost over all the withdrawl symptoms and my t hasnt had to do any crisis management yet. i will get to see my grandaughter tomorrow. she requested it... of course she wants me to bring her the new pair of jeans i promised her... oh well, i will take what i can get. now if i can just get over being total exhausted and uninterested in life i think i willl be okay... possibly even cured totally (not!). thx again all of you caring ppl.... it would be so much worse without you guys. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 7, 2004 Report Share Posted August 7, 2004 I wonder if it's a form of the word fugue which among other definitions is a dreamlike state of altered consciousness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 7, 2004 Report Share Posted August 7, 2004 maybe... i saw my granddaughter... took her up clothes... very punk like she likes.... they said they were inappropriate.. i said 'I DIDNT REALIZE SHE WAS IN HERE FOR AFASHION CONSULTATION" guess i am just an idiot.... i just dont think you change the person by changing the clothers... for gods sake she is 14 i really dont think she will be wearing this style when she is 20! arent u supposed to be developing and trying on different identitites at this age????? ***DONT CONTINUE READING IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR TRIGGERED BY CURSING ************* but FUCK THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM... i have about had it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Thats terrible! I wear stuff that is 'different' at times and i have no plans to change. Your granddaughter should b able to wear what she wants and punk stuff id very kool!! Glad u are getting over the withdrawal symptoms. Take care *hugs* Tory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 tory, i didnt return the punk clothes and she can have them when she gets out. i took her some "norm" clothes and she did like them so i guess that is good. i wasnt comfortable seeing her. it was looking at a stanger... it wasnt her it was the way i felt about her. i guess i will avoid seeing here for a while. thx for writing, bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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