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Big Step


Saharah Blue

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I have not had therapy for years. I have had some people encourage me to reach out for help again recently and I have been so conflicted and felt unable to. I was terrified of being turned down for therapy from my old counseling center. its really sad that for so many of us our first expectation is rejection.

I just called and I have an appointment for the 16th. I just burst into tears on the phone with the receptionist, she was so nice to me. I am proud of myself for calling, but shocked at how much relief and grief is flooding to the surface. I've been carrying a really heavy weight.

*Thanks for the people in chat last week that reminded me that talking about it was the first step to asking for help.

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Saharah,

It's great you were able to take that big step in admitting you need help and seeking it. It's so tough, but that part is over now and I think you can be proud that you managed it. I really hope it goes well for you and that your problems are resolved.

All the best,

Ash

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hey sah :)

well done - funnily enough it was "chat" that facilitated me to seek help also a few years ago. hope it helps you and let us know how you go - if that's ok xxx

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  • 2 weeks later...

I went for my intake this morning. I feel like a little bit like a fraud, since I have had so much therapy in the past DBT included. I practice mindfulness and loving kindness medication and there is a part of me that feels like I am as cured as any MH professional is interested. Done cased closed.

The intake was nerve wracking since I had to account for abusive violent behavior toward me. Is my experience really tragic enough to get help? I don't know. I tried to talk on all points and I feel like I acted flat and uninterested in help.

They did offer me art therapy starting next week and said they would review my case next Tues. So why do I feel like my experience is not dramatic enough for these people? Is it because they hear so much worse? Is it because I am just scared?

I haven't been in T for 2 years and I have struggled but stayed afloat, not really progressed as much as stay afloat....... I hate it when people ask me where my money comes from since I don't work and I am not on benefits, I want to scream, "none of your damn business unless you are looking to make a deposit into my bank account"

All in all I think it went okay for reaching out, they were nice. Thank you to the people that encouraged me to get help again.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I did get a call from my new T, I have my first appointment next Tues morning. But then the group isn't until 4:00 in the afternoon, not exactly ideal. I didn't make it to the first art group therapy they offered me :(

I am already full of judgements about being helped, last time at least I was so broken down I could leave the judgements at the door, but this time I have such a feelings of,

you're not going to get me anyway

we are not going to really connect

I am not going to like you

you're going to see me as high functioning and not in need of treatment

too articulate

not as bad off as others

But, then I have to stop and think they took me as a patient immediately, so what does that suggest? The center specializes in addiction treatment and victims of violent behavior. I don't want to belong in this treatment group because I don't see myself like that.

Setting the judgements to one side. I do want to get some help and find ways to help me achieve my goals. I do want to do art therapy, I do want to be better.

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