Rach466 Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 So last year i was a manager at my place of work.. but i was finding it hard to cope with the stress of my BPD and the stress from work so i stepped down. my company replaced me with this guy who is 22. His been treating me like crap ever since he took over his always going on about how he does a better job then me and how well the shop is doing, He makes me work stupid hours like only 3 hours when it takes me an hour and a half to get to work and he does pretty much nothing all day but takes all the credit for the shop doing well So I was having a bad day and he made me worse by keep saying "because i am mental i can't expect an easy ride" I went home after my 3 hour shift and wrote a Email to my head office saying i was a customer and how badly i was treated by him and i won't be coming back. Now i've calmed down i feel so bad i don't know if i will be able to face him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 I am such a horrible person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleCrumble Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Oopsie - is the email address you sent it from one that is untraceable as being from you? Is it a believable story, close to what happened? or do you think they'll know it's from someone who's annoyed at him? I've done things like that in the past... emails, posting on websites about teachers when I was at school... :-/ It's quite an impulsive thing. I hope they don't find out it was you.. You're not horrible, it's one of those things we think about doing, but most people can stop themselves from doing - but impulsive people, esp borderlines, don't have that thing that stops them from responding with whatever is on their mind... xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 No they can't trace it back to me I made up a whole new Email addy. Everything i put in the email was what people have complained about him to me and a few bits i have added myself. He could very well lose his job I am such a idiot : ( If someone from my works asks me anything about it i will for sure get he nervous giggles.. maybe i should own up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 H sounds like a bully and they are hard to deal with at the best ofof getting times. I would keep my head low and see what happens tbh bullies have a way of getting out of these things. The other issue is though the way he treats you and the mental thing is so out of order, have you thought about talking to head office about this directly. PS the email maybe not a good impulsive move but done now x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Well thats what i was planning on doing, but when i called my boss to talk about it h said he was already on the way to my shop so i thought i would do it in persons, but as soon as he walked in him and my manager were talking about the weekend and it seems they are just good friends outside of work so i thought better of it. I'm thinking about leaving that place just drains the life from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 (((Rach466))) I can appreciate you not feeling so good about this right now, but has been said, it sounds like he is behaving very unprofessionally in relation to you. Is there someone in your place of work, HR department or similar with whom you can talk about this, or bring an official complaint? Try not to do too much tittle tattling with other work colleagues, there can be lots of tittle tattlers who love goading others into action but whom might never back you up when the time comes, so I would say too, lie low for now, keep what you have done close to your chest re email ((come on here as much as you like and offload)) and if he continues to behave badly, I would make a note of date and times and make an official complaint. He should not be saying any of the things you mention to you or any other work colleague. It is very unprofessional. In relation to you sending email, you are not alone in doing things like this, but you obviously feel bad about it, as I have done when I have done something similars to this in the past, but again don't beat yourself up anymore. You know it was a very impulsive action, and you do regret it, so something to learn from for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Thanks pickle xx I think i will contact HR if he carries on but i will leave it for a while so they don't start thinking i sent the Email, I really get on with everyone else i work with whn he isn't there i actually enjoy working there, I will start keeping a log of everything he does with times and dates. Thanks everyone i do feel a lot better now xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffryder Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 i say well done i can see how it might not have been the best thing to do but maybe its what he deserves for the way he treats you and the customers, it was the email that all those disgruntled customers never got to send sorry that he makes your life hard hope things pick up for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 aww thanks ruffryder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 sounds to me he deserves what he got/ or has got coming to him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 Here's an excellent website for bullying issues http://bullyonline.org/ You are doing the right thing by keeping logs etc. About the email, did you write it as a customer? If so, if it is your conscience that is bothering you, you could make up another email address and send a positive one about him? That may help you feel better. I know jobs are hard to come by, but I know a few friends who have recently been lucky with getting a job. Also, as you have customer experience you will be a more attactive proposition than someone without experience. If you decide you want a new job, may a job that you enjoy, that does not drain the life out of you, come along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleCrumble Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 I wouldn't write another email about positive things... that might make it more suspicious, especially if they aren't used to receiving emails about their staff.... Maybe write a word document as a letter to him apologising, and then just delete it.. it might make you feel better? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 I made up a customer.. i got into work today and his being really horrible again so now i don't feel bad. my head office haven't wrote a reply yet but they have emailed us saying they are coming here tomorrow so it could be about the complaint. As soon as i got in he had a go at me about cleaning when Im the only one that really does cleaning i hate being called lazy when you're pulling your weight.. i think i just need to leave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 I can understand how frustrated and angry you must feel but you know you did the wrong thing. I think you shouldn't send any more emails for a few months. Then if things have not improved (which they probably won't), then you need to contact someone at your head office about your boss. Because he is just going to keep making you feel worse. But be careful that you don't use the same language as in your "customer" email. When you communicate with head office you need to concentrate on how he is affecting you - whether he does his job badly is not any of your business any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 Sometimes, when people are as toxic as this, leaving is the only option, but, do not do anything hasty. Do you have an ally? Let's hope the head office meeting leads to him being moved or something. Toxic colleagues are a real drag. May everything work out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 You need to speak to him face to face. If that doesn't work tell him your go above him. Give him some really good examples where he has been unfair to you and not others. Could be sorted in one meeting x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacqui82 Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 Hi Hope you are ok today. I wouldn't feel bad about what you have done to this person. He clearly does not feel bad about the way he treats you so to be perfectly honest he needs to learn that people cannot be treated in that way. Perhaps it wasn't the ideal way of dealing with things, but it was still a way of dealing with it rather than ignoring the situation. Keeping a log of his behaviour towards you is definitely a good idea, if you want to complain to HR you will need to have examples of his behaviour with dates a times for them. Also try to avoid being alone with him when he could pick on you without being spotted. If you get on well with your other colleagues I'm sure they will back you up if they witness incidents, however if you are going to use their names as witnesses do check with them first. If you try to have a meeting with him to discuss his behaviour I wouldn't recommend doing this alone as bullies rarely are open to reason and logic. If he is willing to use your Mental Health problems as a way of putting you down I would avoid discussing things with him alone altogether. If it carries on speak to your HR, they could mediate a meeting between you to discuss issues and that way it has been brought to their attention, and he knows it. If you want anyone to look over what you are going to say to HR before hand I am happy to help. Good luck! People like him need to grow up and stop acting like a child in the playground. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 So update on the Email.. i haven't got a reply from my head office and its been well over a week now and somehow his got me into trouble complaining about me i have a meeting with my boss (his friend) on Monday. My other work mates said they don't want to get involved incase he starts trouble with him. I feel so alone at work i really hate being here the atmosphere is horrible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Oh and also I've been paid today and I've been unpaid really badly.. Im sure his done this to annoy me. I've spoken to the pay department and i have to wait next month for the rest of my pay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Rach do you have a union rep who could help? Or anyone in HR? Sorry, I'm not sure of your work circs so apologies if that's no help xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach466 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 I've spoken to someone from HR and they told me to right a letter to them which i have but i showed my mate from work and he said it sounds like my manager is just having a laugh because Im the only girl that works here. so now Im worried HR will think Im being over sensitive.. Im even starting to doubt myself. but surely Im not because his being really horrible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Deffo join union if you have one! I can gurantee no one will back you. We had an awful boss once and over thirty staff were upset by her! When three of us did something about it they all backed out. It made me very very ill and you need to decide if its worth it. I really would talk to him or write him a letter and keep a copy. It may not need to escalate into a real issue this may just nip it in the bud. Doesn't matter what your colleagues think. it is upsetting you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimindigo Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 I think it was simple,warranted JUSTICE! He is obviously a little arse of the worst kind, who deserves anything coming too him. Kind Regards, jimindigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 I've spoken to someone from HR and they told me to right a letter to them which i have but i showed my mate from work and he said it sounds like my manager is just having a laugh because Im the only girl that works here. so now Im worried HR will think Im being over sensitive.. Im even starting to doubt myself. but surely Im not because his being really horrible Please dont doubt yourself. You are dealing with a bully who is using you to bolster their own low self esteem. I don't think you can 'win bullies round to your way of thinking' espeically if the boss is their friend. Sounds like an unhealthy environment to be in. I would definitely get an advocate of some kind to be on your side. I would also be looking for a better job, and I wish you all the luck in the world with dealing with this unstable person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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