Lack Of Medical Support

[EmilyStrange]

I had a suicide attempt in Sept. 2012 and went to one hospital (it was a half hearted attempt), and then ordered by my familiy Dr. to go to the emerg. psych. ward in Nov. 2012. That was when I had my evaluation and was diagnosed with BPD and went on Wellbutrin and sleeping pills.

I last saw the outpatient psychiatrist I was assigned to Dec. 11th 2012. He put me on the waiting list for 3 different group therapy programs at 3 different hospitals.

The last time I saw him I was having a hard time adjusting to the Wellbutrin and feeling paranoid, and told him so, and his response was to say "well let's end the session for today then. Keep taking the pills.You are courageous. See you in the new year."

I reached a crisis point two weeks ago and tried to contact him by phone, and left a voice message (stating my new phone number). He never returned my call. I phoned the clinical nurse leader, and he bumped me up on the waiting list for group therapy at the hospital where I was seeing that psychiatrist. He told me to attend the first day of that program before "firing" the psychiatrist.

My life is worsening, and i've been tapering off Wellbutrin and going on Topamax and going nuttier... and reaching desperation and I emailed the psychiatrist last night and told him everything. This was his response:

"My advice is to proceed with the group, you could be surprised with its effectiveness. I received a phone call (I have the number at hospital) recently and couldn't recognize the name. I called the number and was told that I had the wrong number, however I didn't have a name to give. That is one of many reasons I prefer email. Hope this helps, glad to see you when you can come in and we have an opening. Sorry it sounds like you are having a terrible time"

Wow. Just wow. I'm cycling rapidly the last 3 days between anxiety, paranoia, anger, depression, and a state of being "high"... I went to my GP for a follow up appointment to talk about Wellbutrin and Topamax (a walk in clinic Dr put me on Topamax) and wanted to ask about this weeks tapering schedule and inquire about a lower dosage for Topamax (I take 25mg twice a day). I couldn't control my emotions and he refused to deal with me. He wouldn't answer my medication questions and said that I "didn't look happy". He said it was "out of his scope". He wrote me a letter to take to the emerg. psych. ward of the hospital.

I didn't go. I've sat here in my office crying, rocking back and forth... posting.... exchanging nasty texts back and forth with someone I used to be involved with because I can't help myself. Apparently him and his nasty psychiatrist friend (my ex is a Dr.) think I am a classic "whacked out borderline". It is so very hurtful to hear people from the medical community who should know better talk and think about us in that light.

I am so very frustrated.. I see a student counsellor tomorrow. I feel a bit calmer right now.. thankfully, as I have to work in two hours.

I am seriously thinking about doing something to teach them all a lesson... and because i'm exhausted. But they won't care.. so futile really.

[BeaBee]

You won't teach anyone by hurting yourself even more than you already hurt, if that is possible. The best lesson they can learn is that you are strong you can be treated badly and still get up and have a happy life. Try with all your strength to stop communicating with your ex he will only bring you down. Leave him to his life lying to his family he isn't worth it.

B

[Christine001]

hi there,

the system stinks, but I may be reading this wrong as my head is muzzy today but the pdoc sounded like he was trying to be supportive and quite personable, as I said I may have this wrong, that he didnt have your name and number from the records sounds amiss. I used to find their secertaries were actually good at helping you get through, so maybe worth explaining to her/him. they do tend to have emergency appt avaiable each week, or they do here anyway.

I discharged myself in august in a fit of irrational anger and went to two gps in dec and they were really crap and wouldnt look at my medication or even give me a bit of empathy, so had to ask them to refer me back to pdoc, that was in dec and my appt is mid feb. the system stinks but it aint you hun, thats what I am trying to say it isnt you. xxxxxxxx

[artemis84]

Unfortunately Christine is right, the system often doesn't support people with issues like this in a way that would actually help them - the red tape and procedures and systems all seem to exacerbate our feelings.

I have recently encountered negative responses from my doctor and totally understand how you are feeling. I try to look on the positive side and give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes it does feel like diagnosis can precede you and is all people see, rather than them looking at the person as an individual.

I'm sorry it is all so hard for you but Beabee has made a very good point- doing something to yourself to teach them a lesson won't work and will obviously have some more negative consequences for you - they are not worth that sacrifice.

Please take care of yourself and try to believe that things will get better. Keep fighting and you can, and will, prove them wrong.

[EmilyStrange]

Thank you for the responses - it did help to see them, and does help to post on here.. when I have no support system at all. I was so

I used to live in the UK, but have lived in North America for a long time now. Just from reading everything here, it seems as though I would get better support if I was in the UK.

After a couple of frustrated emails from me, stating that someone HAD to deal with and my medication issues - my psychiatrist finally did call me back from his personal number a couple nights ago before I went to work. He told me that the Wellbutrin actually made things worse... DUH. And to quit it cold turkey. He wants me to keep up the Topamax to stabilize my moods, and that the dosage was too high, and that i'm to take it once a day - not twice and review in a month. He asked me if I had anywhere to go when I "got like this".... like he hadn't even read my email. I told him - there is nowhere for me to go. I don't fit in. I don't have a drug addiction or current alcohol problem. As the medications took away my appetite i'm not binging, so no need to go to a support group for that either. He didn't have any solutions for me... just to attend the group therapy that starts in a couple of days. He didn't suggest another appointment with him.

The problem that I have with him, is that I think he is lazy and complacent. He didn't want to call me back, and then lied and said that he couldn't figure out my number. Not only did I state my number change on the voice mail... but the change in number is also on record. I was distraught when I left the voice message - but recall saying my name quite clearly. He has a website, and also does work in the States and is supposed to be "renowned" for his work with borderlines. Ha.

I had been in touch with the community Mental Health Team here, and the woman I spoke to last week phoned me last night to check in on me. She suggested that I am dealing with the wrong hospital, as they deal with too many "inner city types" and she said their program is "different". I am on the waiting list for another program at another hospital, so she said I would likely receive better treatment there and that I should call to ask them when I am likely to start that program.

For the past couple of days i've felt a little more "sane"... as I come down off the Wellbutrin.. however I get high and emotional when I take the Topamax in the evening. I feel fatigued and feel like i'm gaining weight.