brhx Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 New to this- so bare with me! I have had problems with food and eating since I was about 10 years old. I have never been diagnose with any eating disorder- but food has always felt like a shadow hanging over me, and it is unbearable for the most part. Recently (within the last few months) things have been getting worse and I am turning into something I hate. I feel like I'm just stuck in this bubble- every aspect of my life is ruled by what I can and can't eat and an obsession with loosing weight- I just want to be thin and it is all I can think about. I am currently 109 pounds, and the thought of that makes me feel ill. I'm just seeking some advice and support because I am truly scared of what I am turning into Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted January 15, 2013 Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 Hi, Firstly, welcome to the forums! It is brave of you to have posted about your worries, well done for sharing them. I hope it will help you to hear that you are far from alone in your feelings. It sounds like eating (or not eating) has really taken over your life recently and made it such a struggle. Have you spoken to anyone about how much you are thinking about it and your weight? Have other people noticed how preoccupied you have become? I know how hard it can be to talk about, I hid my eating problems for a long time, but it really can make a difference. Do you think you could go to anyone like a doctor, family member or friend? It is easy to get so entrenched in eating related thoughts that they completely take over and spiral out of control so that nothing else can fit in your mind but if you have someone to talk things through with it can help you keep things more in perspective. Also, from what you describe, I think it would be wise to get a medical opinion on things, if nothing else they can monitor you and reassure you that someone is keeping an eye out. I know all this sounds easy, I don't mean it to, I get how hard it must seem for you. As for feeling you are turning into something you hate, this is also something I can relate to. When I was completely consumed by my eating problems I was ridiculously angry all the time, over-reacted to everything and was a really nasty person to be around. This is partly because eating can hide a lot of underlying psychological things which are really making you feel overwhelmed and also because restricting your diet can have real physiological effects that make you more irrational. Don't worry though, it does not mean that you are a horrible person, it is just another signal about how things are affecting you. People who were around me at the height of my eating problems and have stuck around long enough to accompany through my battle against them have all said that I am a different person now. They tell me about the kind of person I was and I am ashamed - but I'm not really that person, it was a symptom of my illness. I guess what I am trying to say is don't write yourself off - you're not that person you hate deep down, you can get your old self back. You have taken a great first step to changing and challenging things by posting on here, I hope you can continue to use that strength to help you get things back more to how you'd like them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brhx Posted January 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2013 Thankyou for your advice- it's always been something I have hidden and I feel I need to do that even more so now- sometimes I feel like even my closest friend/family member would not understand.. Would brush it under the carpet, and not take it seriously. And sometimes I just want to just continue with the way I'm being just because I feel like I should and I really need too :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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