Strugglin

[cazbaby66]

I'm strugglin this evenin, strugglin to calm down, my heads racin, feels like no1 cares. How come ppl can't sense u need them n txt ya or ring. I hate n don't txt ppl sayin in strugglin coz all they say is ur strong, u'll be fine or what's triggered this off. Nothin has, sometimes there isn't a trigger. I've taken myself off to bed, but its gettin stronger. I feel like a horrible person n I wanna self harm. Why do I feel like an alien in this world?

[Christine001]

Hii hope expressing things here helps, I am sorry people don't pick up on your need for support, I know how that feels, hope you have a good rest and have stayed safe xx

[Threemoons]

Aw, these could be my worlds sometimes, know it hurts... I hate when I'm feeling that bad and people just don't see it, it's awful. Please feel free to speak out what you need, we won't judge because we have the alien feeling too.

You're not alone, we care about you.

[cazbaby66]

Thank u very much, its nice to kno I'm not so alone (although not nice as I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy) so its not good that other ppl feel it too, but yano wat I mean xx

[Pickle59]

((((((((cazbaby66))))))))

[AppleCrumble]

I've been struggling with the same thoughts and feelings lately too . It's crazy having plenty of Facebook'friends' but none who want to be even acknowledging my feelings :-( it really hurts and I think it must definitely make me worse. So sorry that you are experiencing the same :-( xxxx

[cazbaby66]

Yeh, it horrible, coz ppl dnt wanna kno, or they do sense wen u need them. My friend is goin thru a bad time n I drop everythin for her. She's now met a guy, only on thurs n now I dnt hear from her. She said she'd always be there, I msg'd her before sayin how worried I was bout a situation that I was throwin up all afternoon. After a few hours she got back to me n said, I should of told her. My laptop has broken with alll my business info on and I'm devastated. I told her again it took hours for a reply. I asked if she was busy, she said it doesn't matter if she's is, coz I need her. I said it doesn't matter.

Makes ya feel like a burden. She was ment to come the hospital with me today but couldn't coz she was seein her man.

Wish I had someone to rely on xxx

[Threemoons]

Hey Cazbaby, how are you now? I hope the situation improved. Feel free to talk here, we are friendly ears who not judge. Take care. I send you more hugs if you want them.

[cazbaby66]

Hi, thank you, I always want hugs, they're fab. Today I'm not good. I'm noise sensitive n gettin mega pissed off by the slightest thing. Not to mention I'm bein bullied by my mum. Life is just unbearable atm x

[Threemoons]

Aw, hold on nice dear. I need to go to sleep now because I work tomorrow but will come back to you later with other tons of hugness. (^-^)

[abee.abee1991]

hope you are feeling better today cazbaby x

[cazbaby66]

I can't get an appt at the docs til mon n the urge to cut is really strong. I live with my parents, they're goin away this weekend, which is great as I can relax without bein bullied. But I'm also scared as I dnt kno if I will cut coz there's no1 ere to stop me. I kno it sounds mad. I'm really worryin bout it. Even thinkin bout it is gettin my shakin. I rang the docs on wed to make an appt they said monday is the nxt appt, I've rang for cancellations, but there isn't any. What should I do? Xx

[Threemoons]

Sounds like you're goign through a really hard time, I'm sorry for it. If you feel too much pressured and think you can't wait the next appointmenent you shall call your doctor to explain the problem, he will give you advices and if he feels the need he'll try to make an emergency appointment for you. It's what I've had to do lately and I felt a real relief to call and be helped. Please make what you need to stay the healthier possible.

How is the cutting problem now? If it's not too late, I know different techniques you can try to avoid the hurt. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other so you'll have to test things. First I'm sorry if what I say is a bit disapointing but this urge works a bit like the urge of smoker peoples, if you manage to delay the act you may pass a point where the urge will decrease. The idea is to replace the harm by something less nocive for your health. There's a topic somewhere on the forum with techniques different people found, I'm going to search it and give you the link.

If ever you've already acted, please don't be angry at yourself, it's a bad act for your health but it's done now and you can't travel time to erase it. Please just disinfect and give yourself the cares needed, and think you'll have time to learn better ways to cope so next time you're in a similar emotional state you won't have to harm yourself.

I'm going to search the link for you, wait a moment.

[Threemoons]

Okay, not finding it anymore, not sure it was on this forum. Does anyone else remember a topic with safer things to do when in the urge to self-harm?

So, Caz', what you can try first is to use cold/heat to reactivate your senses in a safe way. Will work best if it's the reason of your behavior issues. Be sure to use a tissue with tempered heat water but not too hot, or ice in a piece of tissue but not directly on your skin.

You can also draw something on your skin if you have make-up. I more often use markers but I'm not sure it's okay with the risk of allergy. I believe this method can work well in every cases since you can draw something complicated that will take time or something you like. I personally love drawing colorful butterflies.

You can use an aliment with a strong taste maybe. I found that putting ice with lemon juice in my mouth can sometimes help myself.

You can also try to tear paper. Chew chewing-gum... Of course you may also try more neutral activities you just like, as listening to music or watching a movie, as far as it feels safe and will distract you for a while.

Hope it can help a little, plese stay with us lovely buddy.

[cazbaby66]

Thank you, so so much for caring. I had to pick my tablets up from the chemist n while I was there, she asked to av a chat (she saw me shakin) I told her me problem I said above and she rang the drs and told them it was an emergency. They gave me an appt, I saw the doc. She gave me diazapam 5mg to take if I feel the urge. She also told me to make plans for whilst my parents are away, so I'm not sittin here thinkin.

I like ur techniques, I remembera counsillor told me bout puttin an elastic band around my wrist and twanging it wen I feel the urge to cut. I told the doc that and she gave me a pile of elastic bands lol.

I kno what you mean bout the urge bein like smokers. Not that I've ever smoked. But it is like an addiction. Wen I get stressed its the 1st thing I think of. When I had my breakdown I needed it, it was a form of survival. So now anytime I get stressed/depressed/etc, it floods my mind. I haven't cut.

The doc said she was very impressed with me as she can see I'm intellegent n I know what's goin on. I explained I've have counsillin in the past and I know what my warning signs are. I told her that the logical side of my brain knows what's happenin, but the emotional side effects every descision. Its like a fight between 2 sides of my brain. She understood and said I was to come back on monday and see her and we'd look into referrin me back to psychiatry.

Atm I'm ok. I've just got into bed and I'm really tired (prob after the emotional day). I'll stay with you especially over the next 48hours. Might need u all more over that period.

Thank you for ur kind words, advice n hugs xxx

[cazbaby66]

I was safe, I didn't cut. I did take the diazapan the dr gave me tho. Went bk the drs today and I av to be referred back to psychiatry xx

[Threemoons]

Okay, I'm really happy that this medication helped you. Seems that the doctor is making measures with you for your safety and that you're going to receive appropriate care, it's good news. I give you a large friendly smile. Get better soon, dear.

[cazbaby66]

Thank you. Do any other girlies feel they struggle more around the time of the month? I can't cope with hormones, they send my head west. Can't av any hormone contraceptions. But I can't get rid of this once a month hormone boost. I want kids in the future so wouldn't av a hysterectomy or anythin. I also get it when there is a new moon or a full moon, I'm very much in touch with the moons cycles. (I feel that know I've typed that, ppl will think I'm a weirdo, but its true)

Everyone is tellin me that I'm not ill, coz I look alright. There's nothin the matter with ya, uve got dressed n put ya make-up on, so ur fine, ur just avin us on. Thing is, I put my make-up on as a mask to face ppl. To put the foney front on. Without it, I feel ppl can see the real me, I feel vunerable. Does that make sense to anyone? Xx

[Threemoons]

The make-up mask makes sense to us, we don't use it but feel like always wearing a mask of normality outside the house. We hide the problem so people don't see the others in my head and they think I'm fine. I also get the feeling that when I'm low, people tend to think I'm not that low since I dress up and continue the daily things. Sometime it bothers me but most of the time I feel it's good to be able to challenge people's view.

Didn't notice hormonal cylce or moon influence on our health but it's very possible that it afffects you. Hormones are usually very impacting mental activity. When medication interacted with my hormones I got euphoric or depressed, even both sometimes. These accidental hormonal shifts affect noticably my mental health.

Edit: E. says that it's a yes for him, hormonal cycles send him upset as the body doesn't match his gender. It's confusing for him.

[maddy harper]

(((hugs))) hope things pick up for you soon xxx xxx

[cazbaby66]

At least I'm not alone in these feelings. I am waiting for psychiatry to see me. Wonder if they will think I'm mad by talkin about hormone cycles and moon cycles. I don't really care tbh, I just know that those things affect me.

Feel kinda in limbo atm, like I'm just existin. My memory is goin coz I'm that stressed n the more I try to think bout what it is I've forgotten I get more aggitated and stressed n start to forget the automatic things, like makin a cup of tea. Feel pathetic.

[Threemoons]

Don't worry Caz', there's a lot more people beliving in the effects of moon than you may think, they won't think you're mad for that. In fact I find what you said quite logical, it makes sense.