Huggy Bear Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Jinx, I am too worried about you, this is going the same way that I did and like Jade I ended up in a ED unit as Jade did, the documentary you watched, the place looked like a hotel compared to where I was. We had to be up at 5am to be weighed in our underwear, observations taken, then we could lay down before the 7am breakfast, which we had 30 minutes to eat, the staff would watch us throughout the meal, not allow us to even butter our own toast, pour our own milk out, we had to make sure our arms were visible (for a SH that was so hard) no napkins, nothing at the table and not allowed to drink during meals. We could not use the bathroom after meals for an hour, even if we were desperate, I knew people that had to wet themselves. We had to sit down for an hour to rest after the meal, then at 10am for 15 minutes it was snack time, 2 glasses of milk, followed by biscuits/cake, again no toilet breaks and then another hour of rest. Lunch was at 12 noon, 3 courses (massive courses) 25 minutes for the lot, then another hours rest, 3pm more milk and snacks, another hours rest, 5pm dinner, 3 courses and then we had to reflect on the day, another hours rest, between 7pm-9pm we were allowed to shower for 10 minutes supervised, our bedrooms would then be unlocked and we had 20 minutes to get ready for bed. 9pm was another snack time, followed by an hours rest and then we could go to bed, the door had to be open and we were woken every hour to check on us. Throughout the day bloods were taken and the last blood test was 2am, then we were woken at 5am to start all over again. If we did not complete the meal in the time allocated, we were put onto 2:1 isolation, which meant 2 members of staff would sit with you for the entire next day in your room without seeing other patients, just the support/nursing staff. We were allowed to smoke, but only 3 times a day, this was supervised by a nurse too, really really not a good place to have to be in that I can assure you. An ED is like a snake the deeper the breath you take the tighter it becomes. I know it is hard but please Jinx, trust me and Jade, we have both been there. Hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 having problems with eating atm can relate to the thoughts. they get obsessive, so scared to eat and to put on weight. purging anything that goes in trough momentary weakness. you have physical problems hun please please try and get this sorted we do not want you dead, your a lovely person xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I want to beg you guys NOT to worry about me, but I know that's impossible, i cant control your feelings, i guess im being selfish because it hurts me to know your worrying and i don't want to put those feelings on you... i feel like i cant relieve them, like if i was suicidal or something i could out you away from worry, i could fight it and say something like "I wont OD tonight and i'll call for help tomorrow"... but i cant do that in this situation... I know this sounds really bad but, I think someone could have a gun to the head of my sister or someone and say "Eat or ill blow her brains out"... I would be deliberating over it... and thats not me, I usually do anything for anyone even at detriment to myself. You pointing that out Jades bout the shower thing.. I've kinda shocked myself there... the thought was literally that Ohhhh couldn't handle not washing... thats terrible... and that was naturally what i thought :-/ My mind keeps making excuses, I read what u guys write, as i read I get quite emotional, I stop i think about the person in question, i read again.... then its alll "Ah u wont go that far" "Its not a problem" "We'll be fine by next week" "Its just a phase, let it pass" "Its better than cutting your throat" "You got loads of fat to get through yet" "Just refuse hospital if it gets that far, they cant pin u down and force feed you" ....yada, yada, yada. I've read this bit about twenty times Jades jinx hun ..uurrgh , how do i say this? this has got u in the grips already tbh. n i'm scared for u I know you and HB KNOW what your talking about, i know if you can see the signs you can, and i believe what you say, I can't be in denial about that, because I trust ya.... and please don't think I would ever hate you, you could punch me in the face and call me a cunt, I wouldn't even react all the time i knew you were acting out of care, I kind of panic when you reply to things, but in a good way, coz i know you will tell me as it is and your not afraid to, not scared to say "Jinx your being a twat just do X or i'll kick your ASS"...I respect you for that... alot.... but I dunno why you have so much patience with me TBH Jades, I don't bloody help myself do i? yet you still try to get through my thick skin, you don't have to reply and tell your story but you do, as with you HB. That does sound really horrible HB, like full control taken away of not just eating but everything... i couldn't/wouldn't take that well... at all, although im pretty certain i wouldn't go there in the first place, im very stubborn like that, cut my nose to spite my face. I do feel proud of myself, more and more everyday that goes past, each day is a victory like "YESSSSS well done Jinx you've done another day!"... I feel proud of the will power, i feel strong mentally... I have tried to turn it on its head like "It would be stronger to eat, eating is the achievement".... then i get "no it's not, your caving in, man up, feel the suffering". One thing that is real getting to me as well and im sorry if its TOO MUCH INFORMATION, but its relevant . I hate shitting, not that i think anyone enjoys it but its worse with OCD, but the last six days or so, in the mornings it's like leaking out of me, to the point of shitting myself, just pure liquid, and well, its horrible, it ups my anxiety massively for the start of the day. Is there anything I can do to help myself forward without actually eating, i dont mean forever, just the next few days or something? Sorry your feeling Pan, it really is awful, I know I really dont need to do this all to suffer anyway, the physical problems are prevalent as it is...I guess I cant control those though... I try to be lovely Pan, i'm chuffed you see that. Please also dont think im not listening to you guys or taking you serious, I am very much so, its just that stupid MA-HOO-SIVE mental block of some sort... i'm hoping anytime soon it will just sink in and i'll go make a sandwich... and actually eat it. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 Hey, how are you feeling now? Me and M. inside are going through an episode of weight obsession and I think about you guys. Many hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 jinx this is really hard for me but i'll do the horrible favor to u i incured....i love u tons but i won't be part of ur downfall n tho it upsets me to no end truely... i can not support u in this cuz u obviously don't want help, u just want to continue in this....n u know i'm right saying that as much as it hurts me it hurts u for me to say this to u! i truely truely hope u can straiten this out n will be by ur side if and when ur ready to let this go before it goes too far! n even if it does go too far....if i see u really want to quit i will be there for u but sadly right now i don't think what any of us say will get thru to u. i may b wrong here but as always i have never pussyfooted u n that's always cuz i'm a true friend willing to say the things that are upseting but what needs to b said n i hope this doesn't throw u in a loop but i think u need me to say this tbh! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxlove u babes , common pull thru! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 (((jinx))) you can pull through this hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted February 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 Hi three moons, Jades, Pan.. Thanks... I've done really "Great" this week, I've picked at various things, had some chinese, some pizza and had some chicken tonight, its real hard coz it makes me feel quite ill after, cramping, bloating, feeling sick and like there is an alien inside my body... my appetite has gone right down from what is was when its normal, which i guess is good... but i'm trying to keep on the eating track... the wise words of you guys stuck in my head... so thanks. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 well done hun know is hard, but anything is better than nothing xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted February 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks Pan, means alot.... is very hard, more hard than i ever could imagine. xx xx xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 You're doing great feeding again, Jinx, I know it hurts first but if you persist a while the pain will decrease. Hold on, E. inside and I are very proud of you when you fight the illness. Continue this way and you'll win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 well done hun! u've shrunk ur stomach so any food will make u feel uncomfortable, possibly sick, n maybe in pain but i'm soo extremely happy u've turn tail on this n sorry i had to b hard on u! well done my love! soooo proud! n glad u could turn it around before it wasn't possible anymore! love u tons n couldn't be more happy to hear this hun!!!!!:) sooo damn happy ...love u babes! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abee.abee1991 Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 well done Jinks you should be proud of yourself (I know it's hard) but we all are proud of you! LBB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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