cazbaby66 Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 Deffo feelin like its me verses the world. No1 cares. Its like a fight between my logic side of my brain sayin, ppl av their own problems, etc. But my emotional side of my brain is sayin, no1 cares. Feel I can't talk to anyone. Still waitin to see psychiatry. I thought the urge to self harm was hard earlier but its gettin stronger n stronger n things to harm myself with, seem to find me. I'm losin my willpower. Ppl will moan at me if I cute, so I'm self harmin in other ways, such as eatin shite and bein promiscuious. But coz ppl can't see that, they dnt shout. Its like a drug, I crave it, but afterwards I feel so used, cheap n dirty. But its like an addiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 sorry your struggling, hope your managing to be safe sexually. are you waiting for an assessment? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 Yeh I'm waitin, been referred by my gp, just waitin. Yeh I'm bein safe sexually, always protected. Was hard to write what I do, coz I fear ppl will think I'm a slag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 no can understand that is part of sh dont think your a slag, glad your using protection. how long did they say the referral would take? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelly-bean Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 we're not here to judge you, we are here as your peer's, and listen to you, i hope your referral is soon, there are many ways of sh, and all can be addictive...... are here to support you, with understanding and care ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 They said 2weeks, its been a week so far. It is addictive. I crave the attention, the feelin sexy, etc. But coz there arnt any scars visable to anyone, no1 thinks I'm self harming, plus the fact I dnt tell anyone. Its very dangerous, but I crave it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin92 Posted February 19, 2013 Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 I'm sorry you're in such a bad place. We care about you here, so don't ever feel like noone cares we'll always be here on this site. Noone is judging you, you're going through a hard time and we're here for you. I hope it goes well with the psychiatrist and that you stay safe x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2013 Daytimes arnt as bad as the night times. Thank you for everyones kind words and understandin. I was worried, always am tbh of wat ppl think of me. I'm not even attractive, I'm overweight, or as my doc like to tell me I'm fat. Its clear that lads only use me for my (hole) I'm so confused. There is a guy who really likes me. I miss him wen in not with him, but wen I'm with him I feel smothered by him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 sorry to hear your having a bad time of it. i sh and ur right it is an addiction i crave it just like you do but not everyone understands how you cant just stop. but one day you will find someone or something that makes you happy ish when your depressed or helps you find another way to cope which means u will hurt yourself less and hpefully one day stop all together. imnot sure if ill ever stop but i have decreased the amount of times i do it thanks to my boyffriend. I hope you get everything sorted and are keeping well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Thank you. Ppl dnt understand, they say I should be happy coz I have this n that n ppl who love me, but its not like that. I think this guy is good for mr n we get on well. Its just I'm aggitated all the time n dnt wanna shout at him. Also I'm not used to avin someone want to be with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 (((hugs))) hope you start to feel better soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 i thinkyou need to try and not worry so much theres alwayssomeone in the world whos going to love you no matter who you are what you look like if you fall in love in people and they break your heart it wouldnt be your fault they dont appreciate you and youd be better off without you if you this guy shows some interest into being with you try and bring down the walls u put up to protect urself let him in to ur world and problems a little learn to slowly trust and if he really likes you he will wana b with you no matter what but if he turns out to b a dick thats unfortunate but u never know until you try and as for ppl saying stuff like "you have ppl who love youso you should be happy" just ignore them or try to make them understand tht its not as simple as that and that you cant just switch off the feelings you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thank you, that makes sense. I'm really gonna give this guy a go. As u said I won't kno if I dnt try. Is I'm gonna try. I'm also not gonna let the negative ppl bring me anymore down than I aready am. Just feel my mind can't cope atm, with pressure, stress, etc. Can't switch off xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 ur welcome:) im glad your gunna give it a try just try and ignore the negative people do things that make you happy like reading to keep your mind off things for a while do things that help you relax have some you time xx pm me any time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thank u, he is very understandin, I have a problem with ppl wen they eat. They make too much noise, it goes thru me. So he said let's not eat together until u feel better. He's tryin to cut out the things that irritate me, eventhough none of it, is his fault. I do however think I might not be ready for a relationship. To have to think bout someone else, when atm I can't get my head round me n my problems (not that I'm selfish, or I think the world revolves around me) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 noone thinks your selfish and your welcome im glad to hear his understanding its hard to find a bloke like that nowadays.I have a problem with food as well but its different i have a phobia of eating in front of ppl my brain tells me "look their looking at you they think you look like a pig, their saying your really fat you shouldnt be eating that much noones going to like you if you eat like a pig" which is why at the start of my relationship with my bf i never ate in front of him i told him about my phobia and he was really interested in the reasons why i didnt eat. My bf would sit in front of me and ill be facing his back eating my dinner i used to get scared incase he turned round and caught me eating so id stare at his head while i ate five months of doing that down the line im now able to eat anything as messy as i want in front of my bf i just grew more confident and trusting but i still cant eat in front of his family or my friends but im sure ill deal with that eventually. Your bf helping you shows you he cares about you and genuinely wants to help you which is good sounds like a keeper. I think you are ready for an relationship you just have to get more comfortable and used to the fact that theres someone there for you now hope all is well x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoRo Posted February 22, 2013 Report Share Posted February 22, 2013 I can relate to the no one caring feeling- this is an extremely horrible feeling and the sadness and isolation feeling like this can bring is so hard to explain. though I would say I have never self-harmed, I have had a period of time where I have needed attention from others (sexually) to gain any amount of self-esteem or escapism. this is a lesser talked about issue in my opinion and is dangerous if you leave yourself open to certain situations (form example, I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship). but it is good you are being careful (physically) but it may be important to look after your emotion vulnerability. good luck with referral :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2013 Ank you for relating to my post. I think we should be able to talk about the sex addiction more, especially without the stigma of bein branded a slag etc. At least they are advertisin mental illness now to make more ppl aware of mh. The problem is, they're are so many mh illnesses that its confusin to ppl aswell as the mh person. Just a quick question, does anyone think that mh will be accepted ever, without stigma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2013 I soooo thought I had replied to ur post soppycow96. Im sorry. I'm glad u have ur boyf to help u. I'm hopin this guy I'm seein will be able to help me. He deffo seems like he wants to xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 haha aww its okay trust me i wasnt offended i know you got a lot on your mind no need for apologies and i wish you the best with your bf xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoRo Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 I think the more it comes into conversation, the more people will realise just how many people are affected and, yes, it will be accepted more. there are always the idiots, or the ignorant about any illness I suppose. p.s. just because you may be overweight does not mean you are not attractive (I meant to say this last pm :-) ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 Thank you. My boyf thinks I'm attractive n that's all that matters. He says he can't wait to see my smilin face as it melts his heart. That is sweet. I want to be with him. All I want is to settle down but now its here I'm still msgin other men I dnt want to, but I feel its not me doin that. That makes me such a horrible person for even thinkin of it!! Who do we talk about it to tho? Without judgement? Even my friends judge. I dnt want to hurt anyone. That wud kill me xx My boyfriend is worried coz he's black n I'm white, that ppl won't accept us. He only ever dated 1 white woman before (the rest were black) and when they argued,she would call him racist names. I wud neverr do that. I don't see colour, I see the person. He is startin to realise this but thinks other with judge n I'll find it too much to cope with xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoppyCow96 Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 why do you message other men?id never judge you so you dont need to worry about that and im not racist as well its not about colour or looks its about the person if either of you are worried about being judged then thats understandable coz lots of being can be right jerks about things like that but if you love this man and he loves you then together both of you can get through any thing i had a bf once when i was 14 and he was 18 i really loved him he was my first love and he loved me as well but his college friends were always picking on us saying aww look at him holding hands with his little sister and shout horrible things but in the end my bf couldnt deal with it and broke up with me i guess he was a coward and didnt love me enough to stay with me i hope you two end up differently then my relationship did good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazbaby66 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 The other men, msg me, from before I met my bf, only been together a month. They keep tryin to tempt me back to messin with them. I keep sayin no, I'm worried I'll lose my willpower as I seem to be fightin a lot of things these days, on a daily basis. I think I'm bein dead strong, I've deleted them all from my phone. But they still txt. I dnt wanna cast them away incase this doesn't work. See, I am selfish n a horrible person. I should be locked away to stay away from ppl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoRo Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 not to take anything away from how you are feeling at all, or say ''its just a phase'' but it may be possible that some of the emotional turmoil (regarding your new BF and the other men issue) may be in part down to age/experience too?? all i mean by this is, relationships and getting used to jst being with one person can be a very awkward time for anyone especially when going through it for first time etc. this may be adding to the situation in a natural way but still making things worse. if you know what i mean. is this your first 'settling down' type relationship? you are not a horrible person, a horrible person (if there is such a thing) wouldn't be bothered about what they were doing and care enough to want to sort it out for their relationship etc would they? first step is alwasy facing the problem x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.