RoRo Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 i wasn't offended. i would have no right to be :-D just as you say, its hard to tell nuance over text. Im chilled out tonight so no offence here- so were allll back on speaking terms- ha ha ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted February 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtMatters Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 Zing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtMatters Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 it still isn't letting me add owls lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoRo Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 is a Russell brand thing. owls? always good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtMatters Posted March 2, 2013 Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 ^ what do owls have to do with Russel Brand? I don't know too much about him lol.....I just like owls and wanted to share my gangsta owl cuz he's a bad ass lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted March 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 I'm confused! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 gwaar! once again i will say how i think n sure to be hated, but once again i will! first off we are all clearly damaged to varying degrees but it is what made this happen in us (maybe there is a gene but it can't come into play without neglect or percieved neglect). i was diagnosed early because of severe anorexia. i spent loads of time tbh hurting myself cuz no one came to make up the bad times to me, no one made me realize i was not worthless and horrible. when i was offered help more than once i objected any thought of care cuz "it was just phychs trying to make me trust them n they didn't really care" and i wasn't willing to commit to something i was sure would end up a fail n upsetting me more for getting my hopes up. then i was in their attention n tbh really i liked the attention ...finally someone was paying attention! they were worried about me! n perfectly gut honest i enjoyed it to be offered attention n ppl to try and make me safe! but that lasts just so long before they kick u to the curb cuz ur not trying! so i was tossed, i lost insurance (in the us) and was put in a state run asylum cuz it was the only option. i really got myself in shit on that one cause i had to be locked away with the criminally insane! n believe u me there is no real supervision there , just workers locked in the office behind glass! it was horror of all horrors , they druged me up n one time woke up to a criminal schizo braiding my hair! then i decided....no one can make this up to me! no one can fix it! no one can erase it! but i'm an adult n i should think like one ....u can't expect anyone or wish anyone to save u (like esme said) if in the end u never make a friend to rely on (which u shouldn't) it is u n ur life! no one can save u only u! u have to let go of the self punishment a bit (not completely) cuz this is not something u inflicted on urself initally but it is something u choose to keep inflicting on urself! maybe realize u didn't deserve it in the first place so don't do it to urself anymore, n yes this may b the only way u know but isn't it worth trying to get off it? i know it's not that easy for anyone but i hope if u can relate to just one bit ...u can realize sad as it is ...the abuse may b over but ur still punishing ur own self n is it worth it? n i could b mistaken but there used to be dbt workbooks on this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted March 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Jades it must have been terrifying in those hospitals. I think we have to accept that we are worthy of saving, and then work out how to save ourselves. B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted March 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Miss my cat so much my head is not straight. I think in the UK there is no where near enough info for professionals to even point people with BPD in the right direction. I think the help is virtually non existent within the NHS and with health insurance it is still greatly misunderstood, but they aren't so rude to you! B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 i have done dbt please look up on google "dbt skill list" it's the vey base n not muchh explained but from that i'm sure anyone looking to try can find further explanation xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtMatters Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 What Jade is saying is a bit more 'tough love' than my approach...but I think some people who are feeling willful and/or stubborn tend to respond well to that type. Regardless at least parts of ways she is speaking are the truth. If you are too willful to try making change than no change will happen...when you don't try you fail 100% of the time. I think that we are all going to have a hard time and slip up and have days when even skills don't work for us...but we have to encourage eachother to at least try. Sometimes I think it can be really hard for people with bpd to even start trying because they don't think they are worth helping. But even if that's the mindset you are stuck in you also have to consider that to be your best for others you must take care of yourself first Also... I think on this site we have to be careful to not end up validating poor behaviour.....especially things like self harm......our attention to it could be taken by some of those who are just entering or thinking about treatment as a positive thing and accidently reinforce a negative behaviour.....which I think is bad.....that ones tricky on the interwebs though because it's more of a 'concerned look' that usually sends a msg of -'I get it...but you have to stop' kind of thing. I think that is a reasonable concern they have in group and something to consider on this site though to a) only read the bad day posts on days you feel equipped to handle it mentally... try to be careful about language around negative behaviour and acting out- to not accidently reinforce it for the person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted March 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Artmatters very interesting about the validation of negative behaviour online. B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 urrgh! i don't like where this has gotten but i'm beginning to feel a utopia optomism here n it puts me off. i've said what i have n posted the base root of dbt purposely cuz it's simple direct take it or leave it. but i'm getting a sence that ppl may be putting theirselves up as more or far worse to being "cured" it's a process. we all have experienced different n we may need to vent or express our pain in crisis n beg or hope someone will say at least 2 words to try to make us feel better or acknowledge us. i'm not a picture of perfection and i feel anyone that does paint themselves in being perfectly on the right track n everyone follow me....just really upsets me in the fact that i personally feel some ppl in recovery can become in their mind a perfect example to save others n trying to save everyone is a classic bpd trait. so i much prefer ppl that don't try to save me or anyonelse because it means to me they r deflecting n trying to do the classic...save the world! everyone deals in different was n if they need to b negative that is what they need to be at the time n that's their process n how they r in their head....to say we shouldn't be negative or encourage that well, it's just not what this place is about! this is a place u can feel free to get out the good bad n ungly n hopefully not b judged.n if it weren't it'd be happy fluffy recovery land n no we don't talk about dark things .....see what i'm saying at all? everyone is at different places n u can not deny someone in pain trying to speak of it n get support, n most have the knowledge to put it in bad day or trigger warnings so u don't have to read it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeaBee Posted March 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Jades you make several valid points and I agree, people come here and they can be acting out, harming themselves, causing arguments. It is all a manifestation of a collective, (as a online group) of the pain we feel. The luckier ones of us have good days, some people can be in a long phase of negativity. Coming here and venting, then being judged or invalidated would be wrong. As you know I have studied psychology, and I think when people come back from a very dark place, they can sometimes forget where they once were. I think it is a way of protecting themselves. Much like the ex addict or vegan, ex smokers. One particular group, people that have lost weight after spending many years overweight. They can be very harsh on other people, seeming to look down on what they once were. That is how they cope, they fear slipping back to how they were so deflect their own feelings of disgust or shame on to others. This is something I think we all do at times about whatever issue we are living with. I do find what Artmatters says interesting, do we validate self harm? I hadn't thought about it. B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I really loved DBT although it was hard at times. I think it is terrible that some BPD sufferers cannot access that help in some parts of the UK, and other countries. I didn't find seeing a psychiatrist and being put on one medication after another any help whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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