Alexithymia

[artemis84]

I haven’t written a poem since I was at school but recently I have been struggling to deal with (or in fact feel) my emotions about being discharged from my mental health team and thought poetry might help.

Alexithymia is something that my psychiatrist talked to me about maybe a year or so ago, not as a diagnosis within itself so much as one of the list of my many complex symptoms. He mentioned it again in my recent discharge letter and I think it explains a lot about my difficulties with expressing emotions. I have always wondered if I was on the autistic spectrum because I find emotions hard to describe, explain and understand – turns out it is alexithymia.

It’s a very tough thing to have alongside BPD though – that brings nothing but emotional turmoil!

Anyway, I don’t know if anyone else knows what alexithymia is or will have the slightest idea what the poem is getting at but it would be good to know if anyone reads it whether it says anything to them.

(P.s. suggestions for the initial word of the X line are welcome!)

Anger bursts out of me but I don’t know why,

Leaves me exhausted and confused,

Emotions are a foreign language.

X

Inside is a swelling sea, desperate to be communicated,

Tearing at my body is the only escape,

Hurt that I can see soothes me a little but it is not enough.

Year after year the vocabulary eludes me,

Makes life so hard,

I wish I could get others to understand but

Alexithymia has taken my tongue.

[abee.abee1991]

x marks the spot that can't be fixed

xenophobic of everything (xenophobic is the fear of the unknown)

[ZMeister]

I haven’t written a poem since I was at school but recently I have been struggling to deal with (or in fact feel) my emotions about being discharged from my mental health team and thought poetry might help.

Alexithymia is something that my psychiatrist talked to me about maybe a year or so ago, not as a diagnosis within itself so much as one of the list of my many complex symptoms. He mentioned it again in my recent discharge letter and I think it explains a lot about my difficulties with expressing emotions. I have always wondered if I was on the autistic spectrum because I find emotions hard to describe, explain and understand – turns out it is alexithymia.

It’s a very tough thing to have alongside BPD though – that brings nothing but emotional turmoil!

Anyway, I don’t know if anyone else knows what alexithymia is or will have the slightest idea what the poem is getting at but it would be good to know if anyone reads it whether it says anything to them.

(P.s. suggestions for the initial word of the X line are welcome!)

Anger bursts out of me but I don’t know why,

Leaves me exhausted and confused,

Emotions are a foreign language.

X

Inside is a swelling sea, desperate to be communicated,

Tearing at my body is the only escape,

Hurt that I can see soothes me a little but it is not enough.

Year after year the vocabulary eludes me,

Makes life so hard,

I wish I could get others to understand but

Alexithymia has taken my tongue.

xenophobic whispers echo back? :/